Floating Island

Since I talked to JC about not being into “relationship kind of shit”, it dawned on me that it might be the truth of me.

As far as I can recall, I have never really been dedicated one hundred percent to a relationship. Just like DF asked me whether I was attracted to some guy, that feeling of “attraction” is unknown to me. What’s like to be attracted to someone else? I failed to find an immediate answer. I like spending time with people I like, like being in general term. On the other hand I also enjoy being with myself. I’d like to see myself as emotionally independent. 

At my age, friends and relatives are busy setting me up with all sorts of guys, never really caring about what I want or need, which to be honest is something I’m still trying to realize for sure. Despite the good intentions of others, it’s hard for me to settle just because it’s about time or there’s no perfect guy/marriage. Why should I settle? How could I reduce myself to a situation where I neither have the confidence or am provided with it to settle for someone in the life to come. It’s too much to ask of a pessimist who believes only in herself.

Anticipation is the hardest. 

All kinds of thoughts have been buzzing in my head for 2 days. It’s overwhelming.