sigh

ive thought about your lips a lot

in a constant debate with myself about whether im lonely or just very alone

honestly, you don’t need a man or a woman in your life to make you happy. you just need a dog. 

i’m not the girl you want. you think you’ll find salvation on my lips and that i can kiss your pain away. when in fact i’m just here to make you burn even more. i’m no better than the alcohol you drink and the cigarette in between your teeth. i’m not the girl you want. because in the end i’ll always find a way to hurt you.

why am i still awake

i don’t believe in god.  but all my life i wanted to believe. the people around me, the people i loved, seemed to have this irretrievable faith and fascination in a higher being. they told me he was everything, the almighty, our father, our savior. but i thought to myself, ‘what do i need to be saved from in the first place?’ life sucks and its just the way it is and will be. you can shake your fists in the air and shout that you dont got nothing. but the truth is, pain, anger, and sorrow are accompaniments to joy, love, and laughter. they are a part of the human condition and should be experienced fully and not passed off as the machinations of a divine entity. i find it disappointing when someone perseveres through hardship and then attributes their strength to god instead of crediting themselves for their effort. i find comfort in knowing that I have a choice in how i react. i also find comfort in knowing i will have to take responsibility for those choices. living without arbitrary restrictions, without guilt, self-abasement or believing that another life awaits is liberating for me. it reminds me to take time to find wonder in life and appreciate it as much as I can.

so close i could feel your heart beating and mine breaking

I whisper your name to the sea breeze, so that the salt may smother the sweet nothings I once considered something.