hey now

JUST ordered door dash for the first time and i’m nervous !

i don’t think it’s coming 

I’ve never seen this with the update and it makes it so much funnier

I’M LOSING MY SHIT OVER THIS but also this is kind of so sweet

Clue: The Movie's multiple endings are fucking classic and i will stand by that fact until the day that i die, but hearing that they only played one ending each in the theatrical release is the funniest fucking thing ever. imagine seeing a great movie and going to talk about it with your friends/family/coworkers but none of you can agree on how it ended. and they did this in 1985, the absolute madmen

I love this post but I hate that I have to genuinely consider whether or not I have to tag this as nsfw because dandelion dick is a grey area

how about blackberry users?

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE VIAGRA DO

honestly the best thing i’ve done in the past year was replacing “i wanna die” with “i wanna commit a crime.” same humor and sentiment without the suicidal ideation

they didn’t text you back because they didn’t want to ok??? go do a clay mask its fine

this post makes me scream

reblog if youre an idiot. reblog if youre just a fucking fool.

IS SHE VAPING WITH HER PUSSY?!?!

Did he just call himself a “totally peaceful racist”?