a hazy nap in autumn

The most interesting question you can ask about any character is not what do they want. it's what do they believe they deserve. because those two things are almost never the same and the gap between them is where your entire story lives. a person can want love completely and believe they don't deserve it and that belief will destroy every good thing that comes toward them in ways they won't even notice they're doing. write the gap. the gap is the character.

I hate the videoification of everything. If I have to hear one more video of someone speaking closely into their shitty mic and I have to have all their yucky wet mouth noises and plosives and nose whistles and throat clearings and sniffles I am going to dig a vertical hole the exact dimensions of my body and I’m going to slither in head first

as someone with misophonia, the widespread popularization of asmr audio editing + people that are being pushed to make video content with no formal training and have no idea how to edit their audio (ex college professors, average joe tiktokers, etc) is literally my nightmare scenario. this is hell I am in hell

you gotta read, you gotta write, you gotta draw, you gotta watch films and shows. there is literally NO time to be employed

My most socially disabling Too Woke thing is noticing how men won't get the fuck out of your way. Like it doesn't even occur to them that they can move out of your fucking way. I need to start letting them just walk directly into me and pushing their chairs so I can quite literally sit at the table etc. This isn't a metaphor I had that second one happen the other day

I will be at the function where everyone's sitting in a circle and there will be a man sitting directly in front of me for no fucking reason so I'm literally physically kind of pushed off to the side. And I'm expected to not start killing them about it

Every day is a million tiny little things telling me I'm supposed to be subservient by default and it pisses me off. And it's probably getting worse specifically because I'm butching it up and it's threatening to them so they have to push a little bit harder. I am also typically there with my girlfriend #MyGirlfriend and The Men have such a whole weird competitive complex about that. They hate when they're losing the figurative dick measuring contest. I'M not one of them so I'm not even supposed to be there. And all of this is happening subconsciously so if I point it out then I'm the big mean dyke