frei

I JUST REALIZED i didnt even upload last years leo bday post onto tumblr…. i genuinely thought i did omg…. if youre thinking “god nids ur crazy” then you are correct i dont even know why i thought all of this was a good idea. 

me: uh

lucretius: if you have sex doggy style you'll make more babies

catullus: who's down to sleep with this guy nine times in a row

vergil: farming is pretty cool you guys, also did you know if you cut open a rotting bull carcass some bees might fly out

horace: did you know: someday you will die and there's nothing you can do about it

propertius: apparently my girlfriend does not like it when i drunkenly burst into her house while she's asleep and try to kiss her??

tibullus: my dearest love, i hope you're there when i die and you weep at my funeral, but don't tear your hair or anything like that because that wouldn't be very sexy

ovid: you know how many girls i would sleep with in rome? basically all of them

martial: will you stop queefing, it's really turning me off

juvenal: i wonder if i could get anyone else to join my ancient MRA convention

the aeneid

does their best but constantly fucks up

walking anxiety attack

just wants to go home

the poetry of catullus

constantly makes ‘greedy bisexual’ jokes about themself

always either crying or screaming

has at least 10 playlists dedicated to their bad breakups

cicero’s orations

never shuts up

really smart but also really smug

saltier than the dead sea

horace’s odes

party hoe and proud

always talking about death

gets angry about literally everything but forgets about it in like 3 minutes

ovid’s metamorphosis

myth hoe

into pictures of ancient statues with pastel filters

probably a little bit furry

the satyricon

gay and makes sure everyone knows it

70% weird aesthetic posts, 20% porn, 10% weird aesthetic porn

sends texts at 4 am that make absolutely no sense

martial’s epigrams

mean and proud

walking disaster

has dirt on literally everyone

the lives of the 12 caesars

god tier bullshitter

never stops gossiping