#catullus 12

Quare aut hendecasyllabos trecentos exspecta, aut mihi linteum remitte ——— Therefore either expect three hundred poems, or send me back my napkin

just because.

hey, asinius.

yes, you, asinius marrucinus.

don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing with your left hand.

whether it’s because you’re shitfaced

or you think it’s a good joke,

you’ve decided that stealing your stupid dinner companions’

napkins, is the fucking height of self-expression.

really?

you idiot, it makes you look like a douchebag.

what, you think I’m lying? well ask your brother.  he’s the cool one anyway.

and he’s so embarrassed by you that he’d give up his trust fund if you’d just fucking behave yourself.

but i’m done playing games.

give me back my napkin or so help me i’m going to slam you so hard with my words that you'll be seeing stars for a week-

300 insults so sharp they’ll make the air bleed.

i know, i know, it’s just a napkin, it’s not worth that much.

but you have to understand- it’s the sentimental value, because

my friends, fabullus and veranius brought me that fucking napkin from spain.