portable lesbian

For example, personally, I’m technically a switch but in reality I’m a Domme 99% of the time, NOT BECAUSE IM A TRANS WOMAN (for once), but because so many kink spaces in the US are so overwhelmingly white that finding a Dominant of Color that there’s mutual attraction with AND is normal about trans women is hell.

“Well what’s wrong with white Dominants-“ I’m a Black woman with significant racialized trauma, I will die before I willingly and genuinely call a white person Master or many other Dominant titles as a submissive, or allow them to perform like 75% of common dominant acts/behavior for any reason beyond education. A lot of other Black folks in kink feel similarly, although not all.

What this means is that a lot of racialized folks are CONSTANTLY having to dance around our kinks/desires in a way that the vast majority of whites simply.. don’t. I may like impact play but you will NEVER see me being the Black woman in the kink club getting whipped by a white man, or woman or enby either. You may be able to get off on being a partner’s “slave” but for a lot of Black folks, either side of that equation will be de-facto race play. Other races got other hangups or concerns too.

When sadists do pain play they are having to grapple with the fact that they get pleasure out of causing pain to someone who has put their trust in them. This can be devastating if they feel as though they have in any way compromised that trust. Especially since even people who know about aftercare and try to do it, often overlook the aftercare that sadists, or even dominants as a whole, need. I imagine this happens a lot with pain play scenes, as so much emphasis is placed on taking care of the masochist. Obviously, that's important, but it should not be one or the other. The point I'm trying to get at is this:

Masochists/subs, please remember to give your sadists/doms aftercare. The biological and psychological functions that cause subspace and subdrop can have the same effect on doms. Doms are just as capable of experiencing that rush of adrenaline and endorphins, and just as capable of crashing, once the scene is done. Tell your sadist that you still trust them and feel safe with them. They need to hear it.