Ayy, It's Tato's Patch

I remember the first day that I joined up a woman wearing a black leather dog face covered in punk spikes, who went by the name “Mad Bitch,” gave me a tour of the place. Given the area we were operating in, we knew that the forces of the Enemy would be watching and listening. That’s why we never allowed conversation within view of a window—in fact, by the time I left Creativity Uniqueness and Natural Talent (a RuPaul themed union advocacy group down in my birthlands of Memphis) we had smashed out all the windows and brick-and-mortared up every window in the old building. Mad Bitch showed me a lot of stuff during my first few weeks before she had to go to Nashville to treat her early stage rabies (she liked to assert dominance on the feral dogs in the area by hand); she taught me which pipes you could drink from and which ones were lead pipes. She said only she was allowed to drink the lead water :( Jokes on her, I found the asbestos hole and never shared >:)

Anyways, Creativity Uniqueness and Natural Talent (a RuPaul themed union advocacy group down in my birthlands of Memphis)’s first big move after I joined was to protest outside a local farm that had sold out to Wal Mart so the Enemy could begin pumping their filth and rot into our neighborhoods. Our operations were planned by an old guy named Gregory. He served in Desert Storm and liked to call everything he did an operation, so we’d go on food acquisition operations, funding operations, Wendy’s pick 2 meal deal operations, etc. I remember he was forced to leave because he started getting REALLY into metaphysics and esoterica. He told me he learned the secrets of omniscience from Arby himself out in the back of the half built Arby’s that was killed mid way through development because the franchisee didn’t bother to consult the town zoning boards and was building it in the armpit of an urban freeway overpass. Gregory also learned how to send people to the Moose Dimension after a drug binge out in the back of a Denny’s at 6 in the evening. Me personally, I think he’d just been watching the Invader Zimm VHS tapes in the basement while he was pregaming his Denny’s binge. I had to drive the Creativity Uniqueness and Natural Talent (a RuPaul themed union advocacy group down in my birthlands of Memphis) team van to pick him up before the cops came. He ended up getting caught by the V.A. and hauled off to a care facility in Oklahoma. I know he’s a mormon life coach now. Still calls everything an operation though (operation Christly Mission, etc.)

Last thing I remember was the time our leader, an absolutely glorious woman who preferred to be called a transvestite (she was like 60 something years old and said it was a badge of honor for her to wear the scars borne by the whips of bigots to show them in no uncertain terms that not only was she out, but she was proud and never going to submit), Karen, brought me and a couple of the Creativity Uniqueness and Natural Talent (a RuPaul themed union advocacy group down in my birthlands of Memphis) people out visit some land developer who she’d catfished on a phone sex hotline. We ended up beating the fucking breaks off of him and left his ass looking like a union-mandated 7 AM 2,000 calorie chopped cheese. He ended up joining up because I guess he fell in love with Karen after she hit him with the Super Smash Brothers Bowser Butt Bomb Attack (I gave it that name after seeing her use it for the first time asserting dominance over Mad Bitch).

Anyway, Karen died of a heart attack then everyone kinda went their separate ways after that. I still keep in touch with Gregory via Operation United States Postal Service, but I haven’t heard anything about Mad Bitch since the Rabies Arc.

As a little girl, Elodie never dreamed of being a mermaid like so many of her peers. She was afraid of deep water and sharks, always sticking to the shallows or the beach itself. How could she have known her eventual fate? On vacation swimming over a reef she wasn’t comfortable around, with coworkers she didn’t even really like, she’s bitten by something she can’t describe. What follows is a more hellish week of her life than she could have ever anticipated even in her worst nightmares. Itching, scale like rashes. Strange developments of webbed flesh. Slowly drying out, no matter how much she drank or bathed. The dreams of so many others became her horrible reality in a harrowing fight for her life. The loss of her job, her apartment, her legs.