God I hate how manipulative and addicting and never ending eds are. Iāve struggled with this for years now. This isnāt temporary or something that goes away when youāre no longer a teen. This isnāt something that goes away once you reach your ugw like your ed tries to trick you into believing, if you ever even reach it after you get stuck in a never ending cycle of gaining and losing. This doesnāt go away when whatever bad thing youāre using your ed to cope with currently gets better because then you realize youāre now lost and scared without the familiar comfort of those habits. And any new thing whether itās big or small triggers you to binge or starve or want to hurt yourself again in some way. Or youāre finally out of that toxic situation but your past that you never actually healed from because you kept slapping those self destructive coping mechanisms on it like a bandaid couldnāt keep holding you together and you still need to confront your trauma but thatās too hard. Or it gets better until something slowly starts unraveling you again and its back to square one and it never ends. Iām just so tired Iām spiraling again. Will this ever stop?
