“You know what, here’s an interesting story that we haven’t talked about yet.”
“This is the stuff you can’t do in a play.”
“Do you want to get drunk?”
“It’s a hellish Dickensian childhood.”
“History spoiler.”
“Hey, Dad, I know you’re not here ‘cause you were never here my entire childhood…”
“Holy shit, this kid’s a genius!”
“Your ass will never be the same!”
“I’m really fucking smart.”
“We don’t know you from a hole in the ground.”
“Hey, be my aide-de-camp.”
“Nah, nah, nah, I’m good, I wanna fight. I wanna fight ‘cause that’s how I’m gonna rise up.”
“Motherfucker, like, come work for me.”
“You’re gonna be in with the guy who knows best.”
“Can I fight?”
“Can you just give me, like, a bunch of dudes?”
“I promise I’ll be so good at this.”
“I quit! I’m out!”
“Hopefully this is our last battle anyway.”
“Ahhh, we’re at war!”
“Oh, shit, I’m drunk.”
“I’m giggly and there’s gaps in my memory.”
“We won!”
“Well, now we’ve gotta form a country.”
“Maybe president for life?”
“Ooh, he’s secretly a monarchist.”
“Bullshit, that’s terrible.”
“Trying to find the straightest line through this story.”
“Yo, uh, that’s my wife.”
“I’m happy to, like, keep it on the low, but you have to pay me.”
“We know what you did, you know what you did.”
“No, no, I was just fucking this lady.”
“I have all kinds of proof!”
“Oh, wow, that was more than we needed to hear, and we’re good, thanks.”
“You’re gonna learn the truth real soon.”
“The fuck? Like, I told you that in secret.”
“It, it wasn’t secret. It wasn’t me. Wasn’t me who, uh, published it.”
“Motherfucker! I told three people about this! And you’re the one who was taking notes.”
“I know it came from you. Like. Fess up!”
“I never thought this would happen to me.”
“One day, this ripped-bodice woman showed up at my door.”
“My husband’s beating me, left me alone and I need money and I need help.”
“You are a man of honour, can you help me?”
“I could give her money or I could fuck her, and either one would be acceptable.”
“He sent this to this friends!”
“Hey, I think I’m gonna publish this!”
“Hey, bro, I don’t think this is a good idea to publish this.”
“Well, like, I got accused of embezzling. Like. I can’t let that stand.”
“Maybe the, like, marital infidelity trumps that?”
“I know it doesn’t in your head, but to everyone else in the world it does?”
“No, I can’t let that shit stand.”
“Well, it’s all out in the open.”
“Well, I didn’t leak it, but if you wanna, like, fight, let’s do this.”
“Alright, you’re mad at me.”
“I know all this. I know all this. I KNOW ALL THIS.”
“You interrupted me. I have to start again.”
“Will you tell _____ that if he’s challenging me to a duel, I accept, but if he’s not, I wasn’t challenging him to a duel?”
“Duels are stupid.”
“What? How did _____ find out?”
“This is the best thing ever! I cannot wait for this episode!”
“I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.”
“Long as I got a job, you got a job.”
“I wanna order Dominos.”
“Yo, I thought we were friends.”
“Why can’t we still be friends?”
“Bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, NO.”
“I trust you as far as I can throw you and I can’t throw things very far.”
“I have slaves who do that for me.”
“Why don’t I have a career in this country I helped fight for and die for—didn’t die for it, but…”
“Why is my political career over?”
“Motherfucker, apologise for what you said or meet me on the field for combat.”
“I don’t want it to go down like this, I really don’t, but I can’t apologise for what I said so I guess I’ll see you there!”
“Again, this feels like high school.”
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
“And this is the last night.”
“This motherfucker right here.”
“This motherfucker is gonna kill me if I don’t kill him first.”
“No, no, no. You forfeit the right to talk to _____ when you shot him.”
“You gotta get, like, away from the scene as quickly as possible.”
“I don’t know if it’s genius or fuck-you-itiveness.”
“I want you to know that I’m a good Christian.”
“That’s really fucked up.”
“So what do I have to do to get a part in this movie?”
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