What being an INTJ is like

You’re alright. You can’t change personality type with time, no, but it sounds like you are simply going to some sort of “upgrade” phase (I’ve heard parents calling it growing up). You know how you can’t really use your computer while it upgrades but then you get all the cool new features? If you’re as young as I think you are chances are that’s what you’re experiencing, especially if there has been some big change in your life recently. 

“Wild” INTJs

I think inferior Se might give INTJs the tendency to not really be able to control themselves once they feel like going wild (feature shared with INFJs). But I think it also comes with maturity, and INTJs get better at releasing their Se without ending up hurting themselves or others exceeding as they get older/have more experience with anything sensory really.

I'm always trying not to repeat bad situations and to better myself. I have so many bad experiences where either someone told me that I'm weird or something or I just really regret saying or showing something of myself that people might not have liked. I over-analyze everything the other person says. In my childhood I was kinda mean and insensitive and I'm afraid of making these mistakes again. (2/3)

But these insecurities only apply to my looks (eating disorders etc) and to my social life. Meanwhile I'm very, very confident (sometimes arrogant, but I think most INTJs have a bit of a superiority complex) about my intelligence and abilities. I know I can do almost anything, but my other insecurities just weigh me down so much. Any advice? (3/3)

Self-improvement, Morals, and Insecurities

Hey there! I think your self-description mentions many things that INTJs would feel relatable - and nobody like the robot stuff. Hm not true, maybe some do. But it comes more from the “catchy” side of MBTI than the “actually useful for self-growth” side. 

I’m thinking of what kind of advise I could give you. I think self-optimization by itself is not a bad thing, and it’s a really common trait in INTJs, so you’re not alone. The thing is, it’s also important to learn when to stop. And you heard right, that also is something that you learn with time, by attuning yourself to how you feel. I can make up a dumb example for this, let’s say you were reading about how to paint succulents, when you start feeling thirsty. And since you were focused on reading, you probably feel thirsty when you’re really thirsty. But the water is far, and you’re in focus mode, so you don't get up and keep working. Minutes pass and you start feeling an headache. “Why is that”, you think, not really understanding. You stop working because you don't feel so good. And then you remember the last time you had water was something like 10 hours before. 

This is an example of why sometimes doing something that might seem not productive or out of the plan is actually better in the long run. And I wish the water example wasn’t real-life based but it is. I guess the bottom line would be, in the process of you becoming the better version of yourself, don’t forget to take care of your needs. They can be physical, emotional, or even just “taking a break from your own mind” needs. And they matter.

When you say you don't want to repeat your mistakes by being mean to other people again, I think you’re making an important point that often gets ignored when talking about INTJs: the effort that some INTJs make to be good people. Not all INTJs feel like this (or pretend not to feel like this), but I’m glad that we’re on the same side on this.

In general, I have found that insecurities can be tackled two ways. Let’s say that insecurities are things that you wish to change about yourself. There would be things you can change, and things that are out of your power. For the things you can change, I think it’s good to take baby steps to become every day a little less insecure and fostering change. Nothing dramatic, just a little bit at a time - INTJs are the best in the long game anyway. One of my life mottos is “you must do the things you think you cannot do”, meaning that you should always strive to challenge yourself with the things that seem a little out of your reach but that you really wish to do. You’d be surprised by the things you can manage to achieve. For the things you can’t change because they depend on what other people do or think about you, or on things that just happen and are out of your control, acknowledging and letting go is crucial. Don’t ever let things you can’t act on weight you down. They can make you suffer, but that’s about as far as their powers should go. The emotions you feel are precious and should be listened to and felt, but after that it’s time to let them go. 

ISTJ vs INTJ - Tell-apart shortcuts 

Oh I get the imposter syndrome, especially since you have been taking the test so many times. Considering the way you write, I think you’re alright with a IXTJ typing, the question now being N or S. 

Keeping in mind there’s no good or bad type and that one of my lifelong and most trusted friends is ISTJ (and we have a lot in common, like our love for literature and general nerdy-ness) I’d like you to think of your most recent project (some problem you liked to solve or some creative idea you wanted to work on). 

What was it about? Was it primarily practical or very abstract? (The difference between improving your work routine so that it’s perfect and masterfully executable VS improving that project your dad talked to you about that time five years ago and probably totally forgot about.)

Were you playing with the what-if’s? Not of your life only but of life on Earth in general, humanity as a whole, or something like that (the difference between “what if I had taken Korean in college - where would I be now?” VS “what if we had all developed from lizards instead of monkeys?”)

Both INTJs and ISTJs want to do things well and care about improvement and execution, but in my experience a lot of the things I end up working on, those interesting but not really applicable daily abilities that INTJs love to learn, seem almost pretty much pointless to my very dear and much more down-to-earth ISTJ friend. 

For example, maybe a dumb one, but my other INTJ friend knows how to pick a simple lock: it’s a practical ability, you might say that you could use if you ever lose your key or something, but it’s not like you need it every day. And she learned because she thought it could be cool to know. I feel like an ISTJ wouldn’t learn something like that - also because they feel it’s illegal. An ISTJ would learn something more usable on a daily basis: how to make a great meal, how to have perfect calligraphy or stuff like that. 

So I’d say learning with a real purpose VS learning with a fake purpose but actually just pleasure.