girl whatever

From the corner of the room, the stereo played some Smashing Pumpkins song he didn’t recognize. The living room was coated in posters, dark cushions, and dim lamps. Everyone fairly had the same look to them— band t-shirt, dyed hair, the eternally-high look. They all seemed to know each other, though still somewhat divided.

At this point, David kinda felt pathetic. He didn’t know Jenny for too long, yet he was harbouring some kind of crush on her— the first girl to actually pay him any attention that year. He figured she’d like him too, but it was guy after guy that “wasn’t good enough” for her and he was there to pick up the pieces.

Standing awkwardly in the kitchen, David had shrugged his way through swaying bodies to end up nursing a sweaty beer. He was leaning against the counter, trying to mind his own business, when you came stomping in. 

The front door swung open and your heeled feet toed into the apartment. You were sinking in a long, thick coat and your legs were covered in colored tights. He watched as you rubbed your nose from the outside chill.

Someone across the room had yelled what David assumed was your name when you shut the door behind you. They raised their Solo cup at you and you rolled your eyes. Reaching into your coat, you handed them a CD, saying something about the bootleggers on Alvarado. They responded with a quick thanks as you slipped your coat off and laid it on the arm of the couch they were sitting on. 

You were wearing a little dress with puffy fabric that moved with you through the party. You were greeting most everyone with a tiny wave in their direction before making your way to the kitchen. 

David went stiff when you squeezed by him with a small “Sorry, ‘scuse me.” Your hand ghosted over his shoulder blade when you passed, headed for the kitchen.

He heard you rummage through the fridge, searching for a drink. He was awkward just standing there, but where else would he go? With a crack and a fizz, he saw you in the corner of his eye, partially chugging a Diet Coke.

When you lowered the can from your face, you furrowed your eyebrows at him with a small burp and the wipe of your mouth. You moved to the counter beside David, where the bottles of liquor sat. Grabbing one, you twisted off the lid as your eyes flickered up to him.

“I don’t know you.” You stated, voice absolutely neutral.

He went stiff at the sound of your voice, unsure what he was supposed to say or even if he was meant to respond. His face was turned to you, but his head couldn’t be more vacant.

You delicately poured the rum into the tiny opening of the can as you asked, “Who do you know here?”

“Oh, uh…” He looked around, spotting Jenny sucking face with Gus in the corner. You followed his gaze. “Jenny.”

Turning back, you saw the sullen look on his face as you chuckled, “Ah.” You met her at the last meeting, not really forming any kind of opinion— other than noticing her attachment to Gus.

Your eyes scanned David’s figure. He was still stiff, and his beer looked like it was just an accessory. Taking a sip of your own concoction, you watched as he turned back to you. 

Offering a smile, you asked, “What’s your name?”

“David,” He said quietly, “uh, Klein.”

You shared yours, first name only, although he already picked it up from earlier. He mirrored you, taking a sip of his own drink when you did yours. 

The two of you shared quiet conversation, your majors, your hometowns, why you were here. You were more chatty than he was, his back still stiff against the counter. He was cute, you gathered. You watched the crease between his eyebrows and the dimple on his cheek shift when he chuckled at something you said. Why he and his boy next door face came with Jenny was beyond you.

With a sigh and a drop of your now-empty can, you looked at him, “Well, David Klein, you look like you need a smoke.”

Before he could protest, you nudged your head to the living room, where there was a wide open window. Moving over, his body followed yours like his brain had no say.

Grabbing your coat from the edge of the couch, you slipped it on and led him onto the roof. He was hesitant, boots slowly rising their way up to the window sill. You grabbed his hand in the process. He was sweating. You squeezed his palm in your fingers as you moved along the roof, finding the proper flat part to comfortably sit on. 

It took a moment for him to sit after you did. He was unsurely peering down the side of the building.

“S’not that high.” You said, tapping the flat concrete of the roof beside you.

“I know…” He rolled his eyes playfully as he took his seat beside you.

You shifted in your place, finding comfort in your coat, before reaching into your inside pocket. After some shuffling, you had a tin and a lighter in hand. Bewildered, David watched you open it, which was filled with Carnelian and a few cigarettes. Two of them were handrolled, which confused him.

He watched as you placed one in between your dry lips. The light pollution of the city was just enough to make out your face. His hazel eyes stayed wide, like this was a magic trick he’d never seen before.

Against the dark sky, you flickered on your lighter. It was one of those cheap Bic ones, but you had bedazzled yours for some reason, which only intrigued David more. The gems glowed with the spark, against your painted nails and cold fingers.

He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets as he watched you. His eyes were so doe and so sweet, especially twinkling against the flame.

David’s nose crinkled after you had blown a puff. 

“Does not smell like tobacco.” He said, shaking his head.

“Oh,” your shoulders dropped as your eyes widened, “should’ve told me you don’t smoke weed. Shit, sorry, David.”

You reached to put it out, but he stopped your wrist with his hand. He had a dumbfounded and embarrassed look on his face, mouth agape and cheeks pink. 

“No, it’s okay. I just… Never smoked weed before.” He shrugged shyly.

“Oh,” you repeated, but this time more fascinated. Your eyebrows raised playfully as a smile danced on your lips, “That’s why you look like that.”

“Look like what?” His voice cracked as he smiled, nudging your arm with his elbow.

You rolled your eyes, handing the joint to him. He took it from you delicately, examining it in his fingers before taking it to his lips and inhaling. After a sharp breath, he removed the joint from his mouth but didn’t exhale.

“David, don’t hold it!” You laughed, taking the joint from him. 

His eyes went wide before he exhaled, a few heavy coughs following. Holding his chest, he leaned back on the concrete as he looked at you.

“Jesus,” You rolled your eyes, taking a puff yourself.

Your conversation from earlier just translated to the outside in between vacant eyes and random giggles. He told you about his family, his crazy freshman year roommate, his friends from home. You told him about weird kids from your high school, your interesting history professor, and your favourite spot on campus. 

“You’re really cool, David.” You said honestly, letting your eyes glaze over his dark denim and solid-colored clothes. 

He let out that disbelieving guffaw— the one he’d given every time you said some wild statement, “Yeah, right.”

“You don’t believe me?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m not cool, okay? I’m just like…” Staring at the city in the distance, he spaced off. You watched his face soften as the lights surfaced over his freckled skin. Turning back to you with his calm hazel eyes, he grinned, “I’m just me.”

“And you’re really fucking cool.” You smiled, nudging his arm.

Filter long forgotten, two hours had passed of warmth and laughs. The party didn’t seem to wind down either, music bumping a fast BPM through the window. 

Somewhere throughout the night, you leaned into each other, his arm resting against yours as you looked out into the town. He had been staring at you, thinking how it was possible you came in to save him amongst Jenny’s drama. 

You were beautiful too, skin glowing against the moonlight and eyes shimmering like glitter. Looking off into the distance, the softness of your face only made David wonder. You caught his eye, a soft breeze blowing a strand of hair into your face. 

Pursing your lips, you grinned at him as his eyes twinkled. His face was once again dumb, bottom lip hanging like he only knew to breathe. His doe eyes sparkled at you and the freckles on his face made him look even sweeter. You were having a moment, or at least David thought you were. 

Then, you spoke again, “You like her, don’t you?”

“Who?” He whispered, still staring like he couldn’t think of anything but your eyes.

“Jenny.”

“What?” Stunned, he sat back, arm suddenly missing yours. “No.”

Unconvinced, you raised an eyebrow.

“Or…” He quirked his face in a weird way, as if his dilated pupils weren’t enough of a tell. “I did.” He scooted back, resting the small of his back against the roof’s ledge with a sigh, “Then, she started going out with all these douchebags, and… She was just playing with me, you know? I was just, like, her consolation prize or something.”

Your eyes widened when he said that, a slow, understanding nod in his direction.

“I thought I liked her, but…”

“But.” You repeated, like you were solving a puzzle.

It was like he lost his breath when he looked at you again. His chest felt light, puffing towards you. Your eyes stayed patient against the starlit sky, letting him find his words.

“Now, I’m not so sure.” David whispered breathlessly. His eyes scattered over your face, searching for the next move. 

You placed a cold hand on his cheek, which you could feel was burning up under your touch. He felt himself lean in first, as if tugged by a string. His eyes looked at your lips, like he was unsure if they were there. A grin crept on your face as his body shifted towards yours. 

He stalled in front of you, body ghosting over yours. His hand had found your thigh on instinct. With a huff, you leaned your face in, taking his lips against yours. 

It was too sweet, the cushion of his mouth against yours and the warmth of his face in your hands. You gulped down the taste of him as his hands found your own face. He pulled away, forehead hanging off of yours.

“You’re not just kissing me ‘cause you feel bad for me, right?” His question made you laugh under your breath. “Or ‘cause you’re high?”

“Oh, David Klein,” you shook your head with a giggle.

You pulled his face back to yours and kissed him again. He followed with a giddy chuckle. Your fingers found the hair on the back of his head, pulling him into you with a sigh. His lips moved slowly against yours, like he was savouring each taste. He was soft and gentle, mouth changing forms only when given permission. 

When he pulled away, David smiled and whispered to himself, “Nice.”

“What?” You laughed into his breath. He shook his head, taking you into another kiss.

The night had eventually taken you off the roof and through the apartment. With a half-hearted goodbye and David hanging on your arm, you waved to your friends and pulled him through the front door with a giggle. 

On the off chance that Jenny wasn’t all over Gus, she saw David helplessly following you out the door. His eyes had zeroed in on you and he had this stupid, goofy look on his face— one she’d never seen before. Huh.

Walking down the street, you and David were singing half-correct lyrics to a song you were trying to name at the peak of your high. His hand had slipped into yours protectively as you stumbled to his house. The wide smile on his face, pushing his cheeks plump, was calling for a kiss.

On the sidewalk, you pulled him into you, bodies bumping clumsily. He suddenly went quiet, his teeth peeking out under his lips. His eyes crinkled giddily as you clutched onto the sides of his jacket. 

This time, he leaned down, catching your lips in his. He tasted the sweet sting of your plumping lip gloss that he caught you applying on the way out of the apartment building. The corners of his lip stayed upturned as his hands slipped to your waist. You melted into him and the faint whisper of beer that lingered on his breath. 

Leaning away, David still had that stupid, starry-eyed look on his face. He stared at you for a second, hands still and eyes slowly blinking.

“What?” You smiled.

He bit down on his lip before speaking, “When I kiss you, my lips get all tingly.”

You laughed and shook your head, “My lip gloss—”

“It kinda hurts!” He giggled.

Just a short moment later, you stumbled into his duplex, tangled in his arms. The high had been wavering but the buzz of your touch gave a stronger effect to David. Addiction and thrill ran through him as his hands found stability on your waist.

“Are you a shoes off house?” You asked, stuck to the entryway as you slipped off your heels.

“What?” He furrowed his eyebrows, a soft chuckle making its way out.

You shook your head and shrugged, “Guess not. You’re the type to get into bed with shoes on.”

“Huh—” 

You took him into a quick kiss, “Don’t worry, we can fix that.”

Breathlessly, “Okay,” David hummed at you with a shrug. He would’ve done anything you asked at that moment, really. With a deep kiss, he engulfed you in his arms as your hands found his biceps. He sighed into your lips with relief and excitement, attempting to get closer to you.

Lips wet and swollen, he led you up the stairs. 

You stayed the night, between whispers and delicate touches. Wrapped up in his sheets, you listened to David as he mumbled sweet little nothings to you. Fingers pressing on your hairline, he brushed little strands out of your face. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered. “I really like you.”

“So far.” You mumbled, a half-joke on your tongue. He ignored it, reaching his arm to grab at your waist. He pulled you closer, finding skin against skin.

You felt yourself drift. Your fingers reached for his hand, intertwining in yours before everything turned fuzzy. David kissed the top of your head, holding you close as you fell asleep in his arms.

The weeks following were all so similar. Hands entwined, you’d walk to class together, splitting your earbuds to listen to music on your iPod. You’d talk about nonsense together, everything and nothing from gossip to books you’d swap and their social commentary. Sitting in the dining hall or library, you’d study together in silence, hands grazing each others’ under the table. 

You took him to parties, drinking and smoking together on rooftops and balconies. He’d flick your bedazzled lighter on for you, holding eye contact as the end of your joint lit up. Eyes soft as always, his brain raced with all the ways you made his heart do the same. In between kisses and warm touches, you’d share puffs and secrets.

Leaning against the railing, David was looking off into the town— something you always found him doing while high. You rested your chin on his shoulder and your arm pressed around his middle.

“What’s on your mind, David Klein?” You spoke dreamily before kissing his cheekbone. 

He turned to you, eyes droopy, as he slipped his arms around you. He pulled you closer to him, resting his head against yours.

“I’ve never been this happy,” He mumbled, just loud enough for you to hear. 

“I see you and Mary Jane are getting along.” You chuckled, combing your fingers through his hair. 

David let you joke, but in reality, he’d never been seen the way you saw him. He was never interesting or the first one anyone really looked at. He thought he’d always be the guy who came after, cleaning up broken pieces, but you… you came and showed him he didn’t have to. He always thought he’d just know when he’d fallen in love, but you creeped in behind the red herring. 

David stuck to you like no other, remembering small details you’d only mentioned in passing, taking care of you with breakfast or remembering your coffee order, staying in your apartment or his most nights. It was both thrilling and comforting, the constant presence but also the excitement of this new experience.

From outside the lecture hall window, David saw you jumping up and down, flailing your arms in the air. He was in a statistics lecture, something about interpreting certain graphs he couldn’t wrap his head around. You knew his schedule, having followed him around campus the past three months.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he raised his hands in a What? way with a smile on his face. You waved for him to come down. He shook his head, gesturing to the professor. Insistent, you waved again and he rolled his eyes.

Five minutes later, David found himself galloping out the building doors to you, sitting exactly where he first saw you. You were among the trees and the leaves, autumn colours complementing the warm smile on your face.

Jacket in hand and backpack slung over his shoulder, he approached you, “What? I was in class.” As his boots landed in front of you, you lifted your arms up. His hands met yours, pulling you up from the ground and in front of him.

“Is it important?” You raised your eyebrows at him, dusting off your jeans from specks of broken leaves. 

“Well,” he shrugged, slightly intrigued as he slipped his jacket on, “Not really?”

“Okay, let’s go!” You gripped one of his hands, starting to run off. David only slowed you down, initially following and then realizing he was confused.

“Where are we going?”

“C’mon I wanna show you something.” You said, tugging on his arm to continue pulling him away.

Like little kids, you and David stumbled hand-in-hand down the tree-lined walkway, nearly jostling every other student that you passed. The air was nice and brisk as you rushed through, shoes scuffing at the concrete pavement. Overhead, the clouds had formed a bright white canopy, lighting your way.

A few streets from the campus, you eventually reached a park, but a short steel fence blocked the way. David stopped beside you, hand still lingering in yours. With a devilish grin, you nudged your head at it. 

“Is this illegal?” He asked, which made you snort.

“Not everything I do is illegal, David.” You rolled your eyes playfully, nudging his shoulder. “And it’s not. Not technically, anyway. The park belongs to the city, we are the city, therefore the park is ours.”

“Long range of thinking.” He raised an eyebrow as you lunged towards the fence.

You started climbing, then turned to look at him. He had his hands in his pockets, unmoving from his spot with a quizzically mocking grin on his face. “You’re not gonna make me do this alone, are you, David Klein?” 

Not waiting for an answer, you pulled yourself over, landing on your feet. After a second, you saw the top of his ginger hair peer over the fence. He looked at you before deciding any moves.

“I’m not gonna hurt you.” You joked, “If I wanted to, I would’ve done it a long time ago.”

Scoffing, he pulled himself over as well, landing in front of you.

When he turned, he faced a rose garden. It was bushlets of different colours, yellow, red, pink, white. They were all so prominent against the overcast sky. The bushes circled a little white gazebo just a few yards from you.

Grabbing David’s hand, you ran around the garden through the aisles, cool air coating your cheeks. You released his hand, hiding behind leaves and flowers while prompting a game of chase. He laughed as he jogged after you through the garden. Everything was so adorable and disgustingly romantic.

The sound of thunder brewed overhead, the sky still threateningly white. You and David stopped running, looking at each other with quirked brows. Within a blink, rain started falling down onto you.

“Shit!”

Quickly, David pulled his jacket over both of your heads. You huddled close to him as you headed for the gazebo in the middle of the garden. Under the safety of the awning, he slipped his jacket back on himself while you hugged your own closer. Hair soaked and giggling, you shook pebbles of rainwater off your shoulders.

David neared you, tucking your hair behind your ear, with a smile on his face. His own hair was sopping, a curl falling over his temple.

“Sorry,” you shook your head insincerely, a smile glowing on your face, “Should’ve checked the forecast.”

“Really, you think?” He teased, eyebrow raised as he drew you closer to him.

The rain rushed around the gazebo as he wrapped his arm around your lower back. Wet cheeks and a grin on his face, he took your face in his other hand. You stared up at him like time had stopped. Hands surfacing the edges of his jacket, you pulled him towards you. 

You felt the heat of his breath on your face as his hand gripped your side. His nose lingered over yours for a moment. Eyes serious, he swept your face up to him, enveloping his lips into yours. Cold and rain-stained, you didn’t mind, pressing yourself closer to him as you kissed him.

A while ago, You had mentioned the college radio station to David, but he remembered how you gushed over your show, which was in the later hours in the evening. So, he sat by his little dining table as he listened, the last song currently fading out.

He beamed as he heard your voice, “The night is winding down, and I just wanted to play one last song for you all.” 

He heard the smile in your voice through his stereo, which only made him feel warmer. 

“I’ve been,” a sigh and a chuckle crinkled through the static, “experiencing some things lately… All good things!” You nervously, unpreparedly rambled away, “I think this next song is almost, kinda like it, though I don’t think there are any songs adequate enough to explain my current events… Anyway, you all know it. This is ‘Just Like Heaven’ by The Cure.”

From the studio, you immediately darted over to David’s house, as you promised. His roommate answered the door, but you pushed past him with a detached Hey, Lewis and darted for David’s room up the stairs.

You opened the door open, and David had been laying in bed with a smile plastered on his face. He glanced over at you as you walked towards him, slipping off your sneakers. He sat up, letting you crawl in next to him.

You rested your hands on his knees, eyes wide as you looked at his face, “Did you listen?”

He nodded with crinkled eyes and that dimple imprinting his left cheek. Tenderly, his hands found yours. He was so warm and delicate, eyes like honey and loose curls pushed from his face. You felt all mushy with him, sugary and saccharine, almost embarrassed. 

Though, he had been thinking of you the same way, watching the grin on your face, how you bashfully avoided eye contact when his hands met your skin. He ran his fingers over your knuckles, mindlessly feeling at the ridges between them.

“How did you know I liked The Cure?” He tried catching your gaze.

“Everyone likes The Cure,” you joked, picking up his hand and kissing the back of it, “And you have a billion of their CDs… And they’re on every mixtape you give me.”

Peeking up at him, you smiled while your lips danced over the back of his knuckles. You hid behind his hand as his face softened. His hand left yours and found the side of your jaw pulling you towards him.