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Je ne sais pas comment tu as fait, je n’ai rien vu, j’ai fermé les yeux une seconde et après tu avais disparu

Tu te souviens au début de nos échanges quand on se partageait des chansons qui nous touchaient et aussi, sans oser le dire, qui parlaient déjà un peu de nous ?

Je t’avais envoyé cette chanson et je me souviens de ton hésitation car elle était triste. J’ai senti que tu avais peur que ce soit un message subtil pour te dire que je n’étais pas prête pour nous, que j’étais effrayée. J’avais trouvé ça touchant et amusant, car ce n’est pas une chanson qui parle de deux personne qui tombent amoureuses, ce que nous étions.

Mais aujourd’hui cette chanson fait mal car quand je te l’ai fait écouter, j’avais cette naïveté du cœur qui croit que l’amour est éternel.

“Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long…”

Je voudrais pouvoir te dire que je suis libérée, libérée de toi et de notre amour, que je me suis relevée, que ton silence m’a aidée à passer à autre chose, que le temps a fini par effacer ton empreinte. Mais la vérité c’est que je suis encore désespérément attachée à toi.

Oui je fais ma vie, je fais du sport, je vois des amis, je ris parfois. Mais cette tristesse ne me quitte pas, parce que tu es toujours là quelque part en moi, comme si une force invisible me tirait en arrière, me ramenait à toi. Ta gravité.

Tu as habité mon quotidien du matin au soir, alors mon quotidien est un rappel constant de toi, de nous : un café, une robe, un drap de lit. Il y a toujours quelque chose qui me ramène à toi.

“No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here, ‘til the moment I’m gone.”

Tu es là, dans les silences que personne d’autre ne peut comprendre. Et je peux bien dire que j’avance, je peux afficher des sourires et répéter que je vais bien, je te sens encore sur mes lèvres, sur ma peau, dans mon cœur.

Je me souviens de cet autre moi que je ne reconnaissais pas, celle qui s’est illuminée sous tes mots, sous ton regard, sous tes baisers. Celle qui s’est laissée aimer même si elle avait peur. Tout mon corps se souvient. Il se souvient de nous.

“I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not breathe.”

Je me souviens de ce que je ressentais quand j’étais contre toi. Ce n’était pas simplement du désir. C’était un abandon. Je me suis noyée dans cet amour que tu m’offrais et j’aurais voulu rester avec toi à jamais.

Mais toi tu as paniqué. Tu as reculé. Tu as fui. Tu as dit que tu avais besoin de temps, puis le temps s’est transformé en silence. Et ce silence n’a rien réparé. Tu as mis ma vie sur pause. Et je suis restée figée entre l’envie de te suivre et le besoin de me protéger.

“You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains.”

Tu ne me parles plus, tu ne me regardes plus, et pourtant tu me retiens. Je suis libre de partir mais je ne peux m’y résoudre, comme si ton silence était une chaîne invisible. Tu ne me retiens pas, mais je ne m’échappe pas.

“I don’t have the strength to stay away.”

Je n’arrive pas à rester loin de toi, tout mon être te rappelle à moi même si je fais semblant. Pas pour que tu me crois forte, mais pour ne pas me perdre encore plus. Et parfois je suis forte c’est vrai, mais souvent je retombe et les larmes coulent, alors que je voudrais ne ressentir que de la colère.

Tu m’as ramenée à la vie, puis tu m’as poussée dans un gouffre. Et malgré tout, je t’attends et je me déteste de t’attendre. Je me déteste d’espérer. Je me déteste de rêver, parfois, que tu reviennes, même si je ne te l’avouerai jamais.

“Set me free, leave me be”

Tu ne m’as pas libérée. Tu n’as jamais dit les mots. Tu n’as jamais fermé la porte. Tu as juste arrêté de me parler en me laissant le poids de ce lien si fort que nous avions tissé ensemble. Et même si je fais tout pour me relever, une part de moi est toujours là où tu m’as laissée, agenouillée devant les morceaux de notre histoire d’amour brisée. C’est un deuil impossible.

Alors si un jour tu sens cette gravité toi aussi qui te ramène à nous, si ton cœur te ramène à moi malgré tout, malgré la peur, sache que je t’attends encore.

Et si tu ne viens pas, ça ira. Les larmes se tariront. Et j’échapperai un jour à ta gravité. Cette force s’affaiblira parce que le temps fait toujours son œuvre. Et je finirai par me détacher de toi, doucement, même si aujourd’hui tout en moi hurle encore ton nom.

#gravity #sara bareilles #heartbreak #Spotify

Joël : I really should go. I've gotta catch my ride.

Clémentine : So go.

Joël : I did. I thought maybe you were a nut, but you were exciting.

Clémentine : I wish you'd stayed.

Joël : I wish I'd stayed too. Now I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. Oh, God, I wish I had... I wish I'd stayed. I do.

Clémentine : Well, I came back downstairs, and you were gone.

Joël : I walked out. I walked out the door.

Clémentine : Why?

Joël : I don't know. I felt like a scared little kid. I was like... It was above my head. I don't know.

Clémentine : You were scared?

Joël : Yeah. Thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfixire, trying to outrun my humiliation, I think.

Clémentine : Was it something I said?

Joël : Yeah. You said, "So go"... with such disdain, you know?

Clémentine : Oh, I'm sorry.

Joël : It's okay.

Clémentine : Joely? What if you stayed this time?

Joël : I walked out the door. There's no memory left.

Clémentine : Come back and make up a good-bye, at least. Let's pretend we had one.

Clémentine : Bye, Joel.

Joël : I love you.

Clémentine : Meet me in Montauk.

#eternal sunshine of the spotless mind #meet me in montauk

Tu m’as partagé cette chanson comme si tu voulais tisser un lien entre nos deux cœurs. Et quelques heures avant que nos lèvres ne se touchent pour la première fois, tu me l’as renvoyée, comme si elle parlait pour toi, de ce que tu ressentais, de notre histoire un peu folle. Non, totalement folle.

Je l’ai écoutée, si souvent, durant ces longues semaines à tomber amoureuse de toi. Je l’ai écoutée avec le cœur, un coeur qui tentait en vain de te résister. Je ressentais la passion, le feu dévorant. Peut-être que je n’ai pas porté assez d’attention à la peur qui habitait aussi ces paroles. Et maintenant que tu t’es éloigné, elle résonne dans ma tête. Elle a remplacé ta voix.

“I miss the way you say my name”

C’est cette chanson que j’entends lorsque j’ouvre les yeux, quand mon premier réflexe est de regarder les messages sur mon téléphone, même si je sais que tu n’y es plus. Cette habitude idiote qui ne me lâche pas. Pas encore. Cette habitude qui s’est ancrée si profondément et si rapidement que j’ai cru un moment que tu avais toujours été là à mon réveil et que tu serais toujours là. Cette habitude qui chaque matin me rappelle douloureusement ce qui fut et ce qui n’est plus. C’est cette chanson qui me répond quand j’aimerais te parler, quand je cherche tes mots et qu’il n’y a que le silence.

Et si les matins sont douloureux, mes nuits ne sont pas plus calmes. Ces paroles les hantent aussi dorénavant. Comme si tout s’était figé au moment où tu es parti. Comme si mon cœur était suspendu entre le souvenir de ton amour et le vide de ton absence.

“I made another mistake, thought I could change, thought I could make it out.”

Tu avais l’air d’y croire, de croire que cette fois ce serait différent. Que tu pourrais laisser tomber tes défenses et que m’aimer ne te ferait pas chavirer. Mais avec le recul je me dis qu’au fond tu avais peut-être déjà peur. Peur de ce que ça réveillait en toi. Peur d’être vulnérable. Et j’ai peut-être attisé ces peurs, à travers la rigueur de mon honnêteté, la naïveté de mon ignorance et mes hésitations à m’abandonner à ces émotions, trop soudaines et trop fortes.

Je ne sais pas si tu as vu que derrière mes propres peurs, je t’avais ouvert la porte de mon cœur et que j’étais prête à modifier ma vision du couple pour toi, que j’étais prête à apprendre et à réinventer l’amour pour vivre ce que ces semaines d’intimité nous avaient promis. Je ne t’ai jamais demandé d’être parfait, juste d’être présent.

Mais tu t’es éloigné. Tu as choisi le vide plutôt que le vertige. Tu as préféré l’absence plutôt que la vulnérabilité, alors que j’étais prête à accueillir cette vulnérabilité et à en prendre soin car je t’offrais la mienne en retour, comme on tend le cou à la hache. Peut-être que tu m’as aimée comme une drogue. Une substance intense mais dangereuse, que tu as préféré fuir avant d’en subir les ravages.

Ce soir j’écoute encore cette chanson et j’entends :

“Je veux t’aimer, mais ça me détruit. Je veux te garder, mais je ne sais pas comment vivre sans me protéger.”

Et ça fait mal parce que moi je suis là, encore. Je suis là, toujours. Même après la fuite. Même après la chute.

“You come and go in waves, leaving me in your wake. You come and go in waves, swallowing everything.”

Tu m’as sortie de ma torpeur après des mois à me battre contre la vie et à m’épuiser. Tu as été une tempête, violente, brutale, animale. Tu as été l’étincelle qui a ramené de la lumière et de la chaleur quand je croyais que l’obscurité et le froid me suffisaient. Je n’ai pas compris comment j’avais pu t’aimer si vite sans conditions, malgré toute la force que je mettais à freiner mes sentiments. Tu m’as rappelé ce qui manquait à ma vie. D’abord ce manque de toi, ce manque d’être contre toi, qui me faisait si mal alors que tu m’entourais de tes mots du matin au soir. Et aujourd’hui ce manque de toi, absolu et terrifiant, maintenant que toute trace de ta présence a disparu de ma vie.

“Promises break, need to hear you say you’re gonna keep it now.”

Ce soir j’ai mal, mais à travers mes larmes, je protège encore ce que je ressens pour toi. Mon amour pour toi n’a pas signé la mort de ma paix intérieure. Pas quand tu étais là. Il l’a bouleversée oui mais je me suis sentie forte, reconnue, aimée, protégée. C’était un amour imparfait, parce que l’humain est compliqué, parce qu’il porte ses fardeaux, ses blessures et ses peurs, mais je crois que c’était un amour sincère.

Je ne sais pas si tu penses encore à notre amour, quand cette chanson se lance dans ta playlist. Les premiers jours après ta disparition, je bondissais sur mon téléphone pour l’éteindre dès que j’entendais les premières notes, car la blessure était à vif. Mais j’ai finalement décidé d’affronter nos souvenirs, car je ne guérirai pas en enfermant notre histoire dans une boîte. Et ce soir j’écoute encore cette chanson, elle résonne en moi comme le fantôme de ton absence, le souvenir brûlant de ton amour. Ce soir je pose ces mots douloureux en écho à cette chanson que tu as laissée derrière toi.

“For granted, in vain, I took everything I ever cared about.”

Si tu relis ces paroles, si tu réécoutes cette chanson et que tu sens de nouveau cette étreinte dans ta poitrine : souviens-toi que je n’ai pas fui. J’ai reculé, j’ai hésité, mais je suis toujours revenue vers toi car je t’ai fait confiance. Je nous ai fait confiance. Même confrontée au chaos, j’ai continué à t’aimer.

“When the curtains call the time, will we both go home alive?”

Alors sache que toi aussi tu peux revenir vers moi car mon amour est toujours vivant. Je ne sais pas pour combien de temps encore, mais mon cœur s’y accroche de toutes ses forces, dans un désespoir fou, un déni insensé. Parce que c’était beau, parce que c’était vrai, parce que c’était unique. Précieux. Et si tu reviens, mon esprit et mon cœur retrouveront enfin la paix.

#Spotify #the death of peace of mind #heartbreak #bad omens

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« Meet me in Montauk »

Dans Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, cette phrase arrive au moment où tout s’effondre, où les derniers souvenirs s’effacent, où la mémoire vacille… mais l’amour, lui, résiste.

« Meet me in Montauk » c’est l’ultime tentative, l’appel désespéré de Clémentine à Joël, comme pour dire :

“Même si tout disparaît, même si tu m’oublies, même si tu me fuis… Retrouve-moi là-bas. Là où il n’y a plus de peur. Là où il ne reste que le lien nu, brut, vrai.”

Je suis comme Clémentine, dans ce moment-là. Je suis au bord du vide, de l’oubli, du silence. Mais mon cœur ne veut pas t’effacer. Il te dit :

“Même si tu m’as fuie, même si tu as voulu oublier ce que tu as ressenti, même si le bruit du monde ou de ta peur t’a éloigné… retrouve-moi. Retrouve-moi dans ce lieu intérieur où rien n’a été abîmé.”

#eternal sunshine of the spotless mind #heartbreak

100jewels-between-teeth

A semi-comprehensive list of every pre-established lore inaccuracy in Dragon Age: The Veilguard

Please note, this isnt me saying you cannot enjoy the game for what it is. This is not me saying you shouldnt play the game. But as a long time Dragon Age fan (started with Origins, has consumed all extra media including books/shows/novellas/etc..) the way Veilguard has fumbled the lore is, to someone who cares, infuriating. I shall keep the list under a read more to avoid spoilers for Veilguard. This will also be added to with more points that are given for people who wish to add

But without further adieu;

Bioware Kind of Forgot...

mythalism

vivemonroi

Lavellan meets Solas

Spoilers!

The Lost Elf reprise killed me.

I remember one comment on YouTube under the original track. There was a theory that 'The Lost Elf' summarizes the love of Lavellan and Solas, how they “speak” through the melody: she is the violin, and he is the cello.

Yet now it’s slightly different; if you listen closely, you’ll hear that the violin sounds strong, happy and melodic, while in the original, it was broken, miserable, and thin.

The cello solo sets up the narrative, but at the climax, you can finally hear the violin. They 'sing' together in perfect harmony, almost indistinguishable from one another.

I love how music deepens our understanding of the storyline, guiding us further and revealing delicate nuances that add richness and depth to their story.

It’s canon now, it’s their theme.

Also I love how in the beggining Lavellan knew only a few words in Ancient Elven, at the end of the Tresspasser she can form full sentences, and now she speaks Elven fluently. It's a unique thing only for them. She speaks his language, because she knows how important it's to him. Elgar'nan speaks in Common language, yes, because of the Blight, but still. Even Mythal and Solas, in their final conversation, do not speak in Elven.

Lavellan is the only one who accepts him unconditionally. She forgives him when he cannot forgive himself, holds him when he needs it most, and ultimately, she is the one who saves him.

This is the extraordinary journey we’ve been fortunate enough to witness.

Ten years is a long time, but their love will last forever.

vir-tanadahl

How pissed off do you think the chantry is that the Herald of ANDRASTE ran off with the DREAD WOLF

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mythalism

ok ok listen. mythal and solas's fucked up relationship puts everything about solavellan into context. how hyper-aware he was of the unequal power dynamic in their relationship, his guilt over his own desire for her and how he pulls away every time, the overwhelming feeling of falling in love with a god(dess), he tells mythal "i would follow you anywhere" and if lavellan begs him in trespasser to let her follow he refuses her. "i would not have you see what i become" and "there is only death on this journey". he will not drag her into his mess the way mythal dragged him into hers. he will not pollute her from her purpose the way mythal polluted him. he will not allow her the guilt and blood on her hands because he was her. he has been in her exact position, yearning for a god's affections and willing to follow them anywhere. and he loves her too much to treat her the way he was treated. of course he cannot be with her. of course he has to leave her. and he can only allow her to join him when he is freed of his burden and his path changes to one of atonement. of course she can join him in his atonement, even if it is ugly. because it will not sully her hands with blood. he can only accept her love and support when he knows it will not come at the cost of her morality and the good person she is. everything he does to her, even the betrayal, is to avoid subjecting her to the exact same thing mythal subjected him to.

sammakesart

I drew this way back during the first gameplay preview. I’m at the point where I just need Solas and Lavellan to make eye contact in Veilguard. Just LOOK at each other. One more time. 🥲

where-i-hide-my-shame

I've seen it said that Rook is a better romance option for Solas because unlike Lavellan, they know who he is from the get go. So let me make something clear:

Rook does not know Solas better than Lavellan does. They know his history, his crimes, even his regrets, but what he shows when they talk to him is very much a mask.

Fen'harel is not who Solas is. As dishonest as he was about his past during his time with the Inquisition, he also came the closest to being himself ever since he took a body.

In sappy terms, he hid his deeds and plans from Lavellan, but not his heart. With Rook, it's the opposite.

Who we see in Veilguard is not some kind of "Solas unmasked", it's Solas who has returned to wearing the mask he was allowed to shed for a little while and hide the fact he'd ever worn it.

The raggedy apostate who plays mental chess with Bull, trolls Sera, beats Blackwall at diamondback, who nerds out about magic with Dorian and approves of helping every single hinterlands peasant you encounter, that's the real Solas. Keeping his past a secret is what allowed him to stop being what his service to Mythal and his people made him into, even if for just a little while.

mythalism

no because actually i don’t think we talk enough about how solas gets on his knees in the trespasser finale with a romanced lavellan. his name literally means pride. he EMBODIES pride. but his name also literally means “to stand tall”. HIS NAME MEANS TO STAND TALL. god of rebellion. and he is on his knees cradling her face and telling her he’s sorry. i have to go walk into traffic

thepsychonyx

I want to speak about why the second part of the Best-True ending of Dragon Age Veilguard pierced me so deeply. The Flycam screenshots are from Aru/Elf botanist (YT linked at the bottom).

To set the tone, the music established the emotive themes of the scene. It speaks to the Lost Elf theme- however it is forever changed and lighter. This elf that was Lost for so many years is now Found. There is hope in the strings, there is redemption in each note. This also speaks to the specific codex from the lighthouse in Solas’ secret room. Not his office at the top of the building, extravagant, beautiful, overshadowing all others and looking down in godly benevolence - his private quarters on the main floor, where parts of his travel with the Inquisition surround him.

When Lavellan speaks to Solas, she is using a resolute voice, almost chastising him for thinking he has to do this alone. He has her, and she will keep reminding him.

Solas implores her to think of the dangers the journey he is going on will have, his head is down to show the residual shame and his plea for her safety. But also a part of him hopes. The reason all he says is that “there will be danger” is a statement of warning but not fully imploring her to stay. His heart has a pause, he is prioritising her safety and wants her aware of the dangers.

This is the shot normally, the downward and side tilt are clear making the imploring effect of his words resonate further. Unlike before where he only looked at her for small spans of time his attention is fully focused since being absolved of his duty. After she responds that she will be with him, forever no matter what, he shifts. This is akin to when making vows “I stay with you in sickness and in death” but they are crossing the boundaries of mortality. This is “I stay with you in any plight, any condition, any reality. I commit my eternity to you”

Her response is an amalgamation of the following:

1) You are not alone in it emotionally and mentally as I am with you

2) Physically I am with you to endure it with you

3) Our joined manifestations will make it a better place quite literally, so the bleak darkness that could have encroached will not exist when we are together

This is also validated a bit by Trick Weekes QA:

She then states their love is eternal, and she chooses to walk on any path with him fully and wholly. A love that transcends time, mortal barriers, immortality, the different realms of existence. This combined with their standing pose as if at the altar of a wedding is the final part of her vows. Said in the same hallelujah pattern and in elven as he would speak - she commits to his language (mentally and emotionally) so he best will understand her declaration. (This is confirmed by @northgalis on Twitter).

This, in front of the witnesses who are the allies who helped them unite in their union, Rook and Morrigan whilst overseen by the Veil itself in the position of holiness. His blood is the bond they now share, the new blood magic in a way that ties them to a new fate of their own making. The veil that brought them together in the beginning of the journey they now tread into together.

Then they confirm their vows with a kiss, she pulls him in first, similarly to their first kiss in the fade and he reciprocates. Solas is weakened, hurting, feeling unworthy of the brightest soul in the universe but she chooses him and he finally submits to his desire and need for her. His duty now to himself, atonement and the woman who chose him with it all in mind.

Aru’s flycam footage also shows the kiss being deeper and him actively

After the kiss, he SMILES. The ending is now so much less bleak it is tender, it is soft it is comfort, it is peace.

A smiling glance. meeting at a crescendo; a shared moment of understanding;

Screenshot from Daoithe on Tumblr.

He then proceeds to thank Rook, for helping him see when he allowed himself to be so plagued by grief and guilt and not giving up on him as it could have turned to despair, revenge and anger, like all the other endings which I hate because they go against his very nature. The other endings spit in the face of his complexity the story keeps explicitly imploring you to see and have empathy. Solas is a spirit of wisdom, when guilt festers that wisdom manifests in the worst possible ways. And with no one to listen and read between the lines, the fate he is subjected too is far too unkind. But here, he not only is freed of his guilt but also, just as importantly and very implicitly, his fear of dying alone.

If you have played inquisition you will recall there is a moment near the climax of Here Lies the Abyss where Inquisitor and their chosen companions go into the Fade. Solas is easily one of the most fascinating and best companions to take with you as he from the onset has been a “Fade expert” and his lines throughout are intriguing and educational. During the quest you come across graves embodying the different characters biggest fears. And Solas? Dying alone. The god who went against everyone he knew for a better world, whose empathy only continued to hurt him and freed others with hopes to better the world is the most lonely man. And he is terrified and within himself brought low by his loneliness in his commitment to the path he feels he must take. This is why the next part transcends the scene.

After the kiss which confirmed their bond and pact - binding them together with love and empathy, wisdom and curiosity married - he thanks rook and looks back at Lavellan, his Vhenan. And it is a *micro second* shot that completely defeats me. His head held high, the concerned imploring tilt gone as he holds his chin higher in appreciation, respect and awe for the woman who chose him. The love of his life, his eternal companion. The only one to truly fully see him, respect him, and love him wholly. Who has forgiven him and chooses a path which only leads to him. He is honoured to be loved by her, and will work to be the better man he feels she deserves, but also beginning to accept that her love for him is in any form he takes. The one he prizes above all others, chose him, and he will never be alone - and that is everything.

Seeing completely, and being wholly seen.

This scene literally destroyed me in the best way. I am left hollow with love and adoration for this character and his relationship to his love Lavellan and no other romance will meet the threshold they have created for me. It is not Solavellan hell no longer, they have transcended to Solavellan heaven.

My playthrough video of the second half of the ending sequence.

Here is Arus Flycam YT video for reference:

Arus Flycam Lavellan POV of the True - Best ending

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nipuni

Alright, time to share my opinions about Veilguard!! I have both criticism and praise so bear with me as I jump from one extreme to the other 😆 spoilers ahead of course!

The game has a very rough start with the dialogue being formulaic and rushed and the characters overexposing. It feels like a heavy handed attempt at summarizing all of previous games' lore for newcomers or in case you forgot but it's so overdone it feels coddling and trivializes a lot of previous events. Luckily this gets better once all of the introductions are out of the way, though the excessive hints and clarifications continue until the end sadly.

The locations are absolutely incredible and very diverse!! This is a highlight of the game for me. There is so much detail and care in every map and there are so many of them. My pc is struggling to reach medium settings and yet everything looks stunning. The verticality of the maps is so imposing and the graphics have a very dreamy quality that I love. I also enjoy the maze-like structure to the maps, it's more linear but makes everything look a bit more intentional. The color and light direction was amazing, all the visual development really!! it has to be one of the prettiest games I've ever played.

When I started I have to admit it did not feel like I was in Thedas and it all felt a bit theme-parky, if that makes sense. A lot of previously important and established world elements that made Thedas what it is were overlooked or made irrelevant. But the more I played the more it started to feel a bit more similar to Inquisition, for better or worse depending on what you feel about Inquisition. But!! this also feels like a selectively sanitized version of Thedas compared to previous games. In it's attempt to stay safe and uncontroversial in some aspects it loses a lot of substance and it changes the tone. The surface level politics, ignoring previously established major societal issues and a tell-don't-show approach makes the world seem more simple and shallow with no grey areas to explore. ( the humor also falls flat and out of place often too, and WHY is everyone always smirking, enough!! godlike beings are destroying the planet please this is not the time for Marvel banter aaaa )

The pacing at the start is a bit of a mess. It is so fast it felt like jumping from one world shattering discovery to the next with no time to process. The characters also seem to underreact to important information and major developments. It felt like the game was rushing me through all this to get to the part of the story it wanted to tell me while I was still wrapped in my shock blanket trying to catch my breath lmao. I really like all the key story points they touched upon, I just wish they dwelled more on them to give them more narrative weight. ( though blaming every bad thing to ever happen on the Elves was certainly..a choice )

I think the writing could have used more subtlety in the first half and more boldness in the second 😆 but I loved the thematic parallels between Rook and Solas and how every quest informs the main storyline. I do wish Rook was given more impossible choices and put in more difficult situations that forced them to lie or betray their own to better drive the point home though ( listen I just love a Trolley problem!! we need more of those, I'm the Trolley problem's number one fan!! ) I feel like they missed the chance to put Rook in Solas' role and be as vilified and hated for it as Solas was despite their best intentions which would make Rook's regrets stronger and in turn make their escape from the fade all the more impressive and give them a better understanding of Solas to either use against him or earn his respect. The line 'they called me the Dread Wolf, what will they call you when this is over' from the trailers was so good I was waiting for this!! But everyone just loves Rook no matter what!!

But I feel like I stated too many negative aspects in a row so moving on to some things I enjoyed!

The characters were very lovable to me. The romances weren't as long or impactful as I would have liked but I enjoyed all the companion quests. Emmrich is a delight and his quest is so wild and fun. I loved learning about Nevarra and I was awestruck by the Grand Necropolis. The mourn watch was so interesting, it showed a whole new side of Thedas' lore I knew nothing about! and I loved Manfred! Davrin is so charming, he became a favorite. I loved his quest too and learning more bits and pieces about the Dalish was great, I wish we got more. Seeing the Wardens through his quest also made me enjoy them a lot. Assan was very cute too and I'm glad he was treated as an animal and not turned into a goofy Disney sidekick too much lmao 😭 Lucanis is hilarious. The fantasy Spain/Italy was a bit silly and off at times but he is very sweet! and I love the Spite possession, that was so fun I'm glad they kept him that way! Bellara is adorable, her first backstory quest made me cry and I just love a nerd! I wish the second part of her story was written better however, and she sort of devolves into 'it's hard, I wish it was easy but it's hard' dialogues too often sadly. Anaris and the Forgotten Ones' portrayal was underwhelming and anticlimactic which was disappointing. Harding is also very cute and her Titan plotline was the most interesting to me, I bawled my eyes out in her quest!! I love the dwarven lore of this universe I'm so happy we got more of it!! ( she also fucking died in my playthrough?! I was devastated what the hell 😭 'whatever it takes' WEUEUGHHHG I'M SO SORRY) Neve was a slow burn for me because of my choices in game slowing that relationship down ( saving Treviso I mean, perdón amor 🙏 ) but I love detective novels and she is such a badass I ended up loving her. Taash was unexpected, I didn't think they would be so young. The coming of age story was sweet, though I found myself cringing a lot too at the handling of it I have to admit ( and the Lords of Fortune in general, and the Antaam...and que Qun..listen- kajshfgf ) but I also enjoyed learning more about the first expedition and the Qunari in general despite the messy writing and choices. I also loved Antoine and Evka! and Strife! And I haven't even read any of the novels they are in 😆 also Mila!!!! and her dad oh my god and Felassan haunting the narrative!! speaking of haunting, I would have loved for Cole to be in the lighthouse too I think it would have worked well 🤔 especially with the whole 'reading Solas' secret diary' thing the game had going on lmao

Everyone seems to get along except for a bit of friction that is quickly resolved at the start, which is hmm missed potential? I would have preferred more tension personally. I enjoy the drama! gives me more to work with and gives you a better grasp on everyone's personality by contrasting values. I think they wanted to speed run a found family trope for the new hero to establish some emotional stakes early on but it ended up making everyone seem like a group therapy session instead. The group meetings also have everyone either state the obvious or repeat the same opinion or conclusion to each other, I would have loved these meetings to have more bickering, have people get mad and storm out and also get to listen to different takes on a situation. Make Rook struggle more to take the reins and keep the team functional, learning how to be a leader.

Speaking of Rook! ( who in my case has a northern British accent that I loved so much 🥺) They seem to have a very established personality. I was expecting more of a blank slate but I'm lucky that the personality they went for kind of matches what I would normally choose in a first playthrough. Though the lack of range in the choices is irritating and takes away some replayability and role playing potential. Rook is very supportive and selfless, I wasn't expecting this tbh! But it all made my Rook turn into the team's weird supportive necromancer mom so it worked out in the end I guess lmao. I can't wait to draw her!!

I was so overwhelmed by the amount of information we got about Solas and his past!! I was expecting answers but not these many and not for them to be such an integral part of the plot!! The game feels like it's about him more than anything else. His arc is the best written out of all. He is mentioned in every conversation, he's the main advisor and the narrative foil, you get to talk to him often, you work for him and with him and go into his memories it all feels so surreal to me lmao I love him so I'm delighted ngl! but also making the other Evanuris so cartoonishly evil makes Solas into such an obvious choice of an ally, god of trickery or not, that it sort of takes the decision out of your hands and makes some dialogue options and companions' opinions seem almost nonsensical. I have no idea how this game would feel to someone who absolutely hates Solas' guts honestly. I suppose I will find out soon enough 😆

About Solas' story, I loved it! I somehow also feel that I knew it already, all the speculation and theories that Solavellan fans were crafting for years were so accurate that it was all very validating. Even the wildest ones! Solas as the Maker, the elves spirit origin, Mythal giving him a body, the war with the Titans, the origin of the Blight, Solas being on your side as advisor, I can go on, we knew!! Also I have to mention this I'm sorry but they made him look so hot!! unbelievable. And the bloodied teary eyed pathetic look in the end ouurghhh I'm cheering and clapping!!

The romance conclusion was so lovely 😭 the Loki and Sigyn ending we deserved to such a mythological epic!! and open ended enough for all of us to cook!! and we got to see him fight and transform into the Dread Wolf!! and whimper and cry!! and bleed and love!! that's all I ever wanted, incredible we were really spoiled what the hell I still can't believe it 😭 GDL acting was brilliant as usual! the visuals were also incredible and exactly what I had in mind when I imagined where the story may go, the eclipse, the giant wolf, the glowing eyes, the Elvhenan ruins, the statues, even the hair lmao it all aligned exactly to what I've been painting all these years but better I was thrilled 😭

Solas backstory with Mythal also offers players that didn't romance him a chance to see him act out of love and show a side they wouldn't be able to reach otherwise and I think it was smart! also very tragic and sheds more light into all of his choices and words and his relationship with Lavellan too and the parallels and reversals and uughh thoroughly enjoying the emotional distress 👌

Pleasing both the Solas lovers and haters at the same time was always going to be hard with him being such a polarizing character by design and the world states being so different but I think they did a good job! at least from my side of things.

I think my favorite part besides the Solas related stuff was the Blight. I loved how horrific and gross and threatening it was! I've always loved the concept of the Blights and I'm glad it was such a huge part of the story in this game. I also loved Treviso!! has to be the most beautiful city in Thedas ahhh and the Necropolis!! the gardens!! Vorgoth!!! Kal-Sharok!!! I can't believe we got to see it!! and a Titan!!! the giant floating face of Ghilan'nain in the clouds??? and the huge archdemons and dragons!! oh and that warden dragon trap in the shape of a griffon?? and the giant blight tendrils!! the siege at Weisshaupt was outstanding!! and the floating panopticon castle situation in Minrathous uughh there is so much I loved.

OH I also enjoyed the Varric arc even though I saw it coming since the trailer it was still played well and it was touching 🥺

The ending felt a bit jarring to me in tone though, a bit too cheerful considering...the horrors. Over half the continent destroyed and most of the problems Thedas had before the game are still there. Veil in place and all 😆

But I had fun!! I'm nitpicking really, the conclusion to Solas' story feels very satisfying to me which was my main worry so I'm happy. It is a good game!! with a sort of soft reboot feel to it and aimed at a younger audience which is probably what they were going for? You can sort of feel the struggle the team went through during production in the way the target audience seems unclear sadly. I also can't help feeling like this is an ending, so much was revealed and resolved!! but maybe I feel that way because that is what I felt after Shadowbringers / Endwalker in FFXIV once my favorite part of the story was wrapped? They can always pivot to a new continent and expand on the world and cultures we know almost nothing about, but that is always harder to sell so I have no clue where they will go from here 😵‍💫

Anyway I'm still processing a lot of stuff that I will probably talk (and draw) about later, this is already long enough!! for now I'll look up how to get the artbook because the art direction of this game is fantastic!! I would love to hear your thoughts too really, I'm curious about the experiences of players who made different choices and with different tastes to mine!!

La psy c'est demain

Le truc cool quand tu fais une psychanalyse c'est que quand t'as une merde qui te tombe sur le coin de la gueule tu te dis : "pas grave je vois ma psy demain / soon". Et ce soir j'ai vraiment hâte de voir ma psy demain. Alors ok ça grève mon budget bouffe mais une fois par semaine j'ai une personne qui me donne (vend) une heure de son temps, qui m'écoute, qui est de mon côté et qui m'aide à enlever un peu des poids que je porte sur les épaules. Parce qu'on a vite fait de se prendre pour le centre du monde, de croire que tout ce qui nous arrive est de notre faute en oubliant que, Hello !, on a des êtres humains aussi tordus en face de soi. Ouep, j'aime ma psy.

#psychanalyse

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