sometimes quiet is violent

100 years after the cancer cure is widespread, people won’t know how bad cancer is and they’ll think the cure causes autism

Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough

[writes paper] this doesnt make any sense [prints it] [doesn’t proofread] [hands it in for a grade]

he’s not reading this

Who?

Jared, he’s 19 and he never fucking learned how to read

Do simple shit for your significant other. Send them songs you like, tell them they look good, write them dumb little notes, buy them their favorite candy, tell them corny jokes, watch their favorite show with them, etc.

i don’t have a big toe

of all the things for my gf to steal my phone and post this really wasn’t what i was expecting at all

i panicked.

[rain pouring] [thunder rumbling] [car horn blaring] “go on. wheyyyyyyy!! Oh no.” [in distance: “YOU IDIOT”, uproarious laughter] “why would you go through that. what are you doing. ahhh no, he’s actually floating!” “well of course he is. what a fucking bellend!” “what a knobhead!” “fucking hell.”

cool girls are everywhere but its such a challenge to find one guy thats like mildly interesting to talk to……. it’s like they all have the personality of an actual adidas sandal

This post was written by the frog 

@dustail

this literally makes me so happy