I've always felt like I have a war raging inside of me. One side of me wants to end everything. I want it to all be over quickly. I'm at peace with that. I want to do nothing except lay in bed all day waiting for that moment to come. I want to be left completely alone. I want to ignore every call and text. I want to delete social media. I want to sink into the mattress and pretend that I don't exist. I want to push everyone away like I always have. But in the same breath, I crave connection. Deep and meaningful connection. I want to be surrounded by a community. I want to live this life to my full potential and not take it for granted. I want to see the beauty in simply existing.