ℒeia ℛolando

She was the victim in the situation. Years ago, a stray bullet had buried itself in her shoulder… a bullet fired from Alvin’s own gun. Yet here she was in this moment trying to comfort him. He knew he’d been forgiven, not only for that but for all of the wrong he’d done… but he just couldn’t fathom why these people kept believing in him. The more he thought about it, the more he considered it a miracle that Leia wanted anything to do with him, let alone be involved with him romantically.

Turning his gaze to her, he smiled sadly. A pathetic attempt at being smooth, but he wanted to at least try. “I know… I know it’s over. But I just don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself. A few more inches, and I could have robbed myself of the love of my life…” before he could stop himself, he uttered the words without realizing that he hadn’t used the ‘L’ word to Leia yet.

“Alvin! Did you really mean that just now..?” Suddenly, without warning, the focus of their conversation was not the tragic event that had occurred years before but rather Alvin’s slip of the tongue. “That whole love of your life part..?”

She cleared her throat nervously and suddenly she became too aware of the thumping of her heart, each beat vibrating throughout her body like a loud drum that wouldn’t stop. She wanted to say so much and ask so many questions, too many questions but she hesitated, wanting him to answer her first. Maybe he had just made a mistake?

‘If he didn’t mean it and I just made a big deal out of nothing I can never face him again!’

“O-Oh, no it’s alright! You don’t have to fret over me too much.” Ludger’s head craned down, trying to hide the faint blush on his cheeks. It always felt weird when others worried about him a lot… minus Nii-san. “Whatever you want to have, just make two– I’ll take the second one.” He wasn’t picky about drinks, really. Whatever Leia decided, he had faith in her choice. Now all there was to do is not act awkward. Going semi-well. 

She continued to work on their drinks but it wasn’t long before she was moving over and handing Ludger a nice hot chocolate, twin to her own. Holding her favorite cup she sat down in the seat across from Ludger, pulling her purple throw blanket across her lap. It had been one of Milla’s presents to her after the journalist had complained about her apartment being too cold.

“How have you been? Has everything been well?” 

He grabbed the remote with one hand and draped his other arm around Leia’s shoulders. He would eat eventually, but having Leia in his hold was more important to him than having a sandwich in his gullet. He glanced to her, her face echoing in his mind, he knew then and there that he couldn’t keep it from her any longer.

Damnit.. Things were easier when I was a dirty liar…

“Leia.. I haven’t been honest with you,” he sighed. Before Leia’s mind had room to wander to worst case-scenario, however, he made sure to clarify.

“The reason I canceled our plans today wasn’t because I was just shooken up by a random bad dream,” eyes wandered from her face down to the floor.

“Alvin..” She said softly, eyes beginning to brim with tears. She was being tossed through a number of emotions as she reflected on the past but through it all she forced herself not to break down, not yet. As much as she was dealing with her own raw emotions over it she wanted to be there for him first and foremost. She could reflect in her own way once she was certain he was.. better? If that was even possible..

“I understand.. why you would have that dream.. and why it would upset you but.. look where we are now.” She did her best to smile but it was a half-hearted attempt. “We’re.. together.. and I’m fine! I’m fine, see!?” She moved her plate onto the nearby table and motioned to herself, over the top as usual. “Please don’t dwell on what happened, it’s over now.. and I’m fine. We’re.. fine. Aren’t we?”

Taking the leftover meatballs from the night before, he tossed them into the microwave and began toasting the buns. Once all the food was cooking, he decided to go check up on Leia when a myriad of relaxing scents hit him. “Candles huh?” he winked to her and kissed her cheek, “Romantic and terrible for you. This lunch is doing the trick, sweetums.”

“It smells good!” Having eaten meals made by him before she was eager to see what the subs tasted like, always hungry for something loaded with cheese. The ice cream as a dessert was something she was looking forward to as well, a sucker for any sort of junk food. “Let’s see if they taste as good as they smell!”

The first was luck. He couldn’t believe that the duo’s friendship had blossomed into the romantic relationship that the two had always wanted but never seemed to initiate. Who would have thought that a prank to embarrass them by their friends would be the spark that lit the fire? As the scent of her perfume hit his nose, he counted himself the luckiest man in the world. For a second, everything was alright.

That’s when the second emotion hit.

Just as he was feeling better in her hold, another vision of the bang from the gun and the sight of her falling down zipped through his mind before he could even realize it. If that bullet had hit a few inches up, down, right, or left, the woman he loved may not have been in his arms right in this instant. Thinking about that made his stomach churn.

“Why don’t we chill inside today? We can watch something and have some junkfood. That usually makes people feel better, right?”he mumbled, trying to convince himself more than her.

“You make yourself comfortable and I’ll get the food cooking, k? You’re my beautiful guest, after all, what kind of host would I be if I let you pamper me?” a quick wink and he kissed her lips gently.

Thanks to the layout of his apartment they could easily carry on their conversation while he cooked, one of Leia’s favorite things about the place. As soon as she heard the clang of pots and pans she got an idea, a simple way to make the environment more relaxed.

Having been in Alvin’s place many times she knew right where to look, grabbing a few small candles that were scattered about. It didn’t take long to light them and soon a very light pleasant scent was filling the air.

‘It’s not much but maybe this will relax him a little bit..’

“What are you going to make?” Settling back on the couch, Leia glanced over to her boyfriend while he prepared their food, curious as to what he had settled on.

However sulky he felt today, the fact of the matter was that Leia was here now. Lying wasn’t an option and quite honestly, he needed the company. It was just a stroke of bad luck that the one he wanted around most was the very reason he had these flashbacks.

Doing his best to put on his characteristic smile, he winked to the brunette and gave a happy nod, “I think I’ll be okay sweetheart, but thanks for the offer. If it bothers me again, I’ll tell you about it. I think for now it’s just best if I get my mind off of it, think you can help with that pretty thing?”

“Sure.. I can help. If you want to get your mind off of it, then let’s get to work!” Her peppiness seemed a little deflated but she did her best to ignore the nagging voice in her head, the one telling her to try harder, to make him feel better. 

“I could cook you something if you want? Or we could go out? Or maybe a walk will do you some good.” Leia flashed a grin, one that seemed much more like her. Maybe in the attempt to get his mind off of the dream it would get her own mind off of the growing insecurities that came with him keeping things to himself.

“Or we could stay here and relax, take it easy.” Leia smiled bashfully, wondering if any of her ideas were even worth considering. She wanted to just snap her fingers and make his mood better but she realized it wouldn’t be quite so simple.”

“Whatever you want.” She smiled, leaning in towards him for a gentle hug.

Since I’m back I have updates about each of my blogs:

1. Natalia Luzu Kimlasca Lanvaldear @thenoblearcheress: Active

2. Leia Rolando @inquisitiveenthusiasm: Active

3. Yuki Cross @walkstwoworlds: Active

4. Jude Mathis @analyticalpacifist: Indefinite Hiatus (I’ll possibly get back into him as soon as I settle into rping more)

5. Krista Lenz @reissforthestars: Indefinite Hiatus (I honestly don’t see getting back into her at all but we’ll see)

When I came back as Natalia I made the announcement that I was giving myself a clean slate and erasing my drafts. I will be doing the same for all blogs listed! I am fine with relationships carrying forward but to make it easier to get back into rp I need a fresh start! I don’t want to worry about playing catch up from months ago. Dropping threads is nothing personal, it’s just what I need to do to finally settle back into this amazing hobby of mine!

(Totally not ambiguously gay colored promo picture okay guys? :D *shot*)

No seriously this has been a wild ride. I know I haven’t been on much so I’m planning on trying to make it up to people. I’m really lucky to have so much support from the tumblr Community. You’ve really helped me out in situations that I’ve never would’ve considered until being a part of this website. The good definitely overcomes the bad every single time. 

Now I didn’t list everyone on here but these are the people who have reached out to me in some way shape or form with my Alvin blog and I appreciate it completely. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate every follower. I just feel like without the following people my blog wouldn’t be the way it is today. 

                                                Golden Bullets                                                                Those I’d take a bullet for…

(My Fellow friends that have put up with me since they’ve met me and for some reason haven’t left yet. You are the real soldiers here. Love you a lot and I wish to continue our friendship on the best note. You’ve probably ran into me and now we joke about almost everything. Don’t ever hesitate to talk to me or throwing me a thread. Ever.)

raine-verhart kresniklancer fractureddestroyer burnbabyeruption retiredcondxctor strawberry-healer doctorjudemathis scarygorxund evasion-finalist bonafidebittersweet tetherwithme askalvin leia-hella-radlando steadfastxvigilante dreamsofvirgo bladesoftheleague waymarkerprogenitor isaaccecilbryant broadswordandpistol spyritxdoctor ofstarsandskies flower-of-bravery thievingsaleswoman talesofdebt smartass-telepath chaoticxtrust asherisyourgod tragic-charismatic inquisitiveenthusiasm wingsofthechimeriad voikxkka 

                                                  Silver Bullets                                                               Those I look out for… 

(To those I don’t get to rp or talk to often, the people that still mean the world to me and are always welcomed with open arms. You guys might be on for a little bit, or a lot but regardless you do take some time to talk or reach out to me in some way shape or form. I’m very lucky to be slightly on your mind when you send me an ask or tag me or respond to something stupid I do. Please keep it up. Thank you.)

flowering-mizuho matter-destruct crystalinemuses valiantprism scionofkresnik fangofchimeriad  stutterbugemil mommawolfyui forsylvarant sunset-wings transcendentxchronicles characterofstrength pipsqueakjude glamfades eternallysauteed spyritesengineer time-disintegration fractumspiritus colonelsmartass of-will zaverymuses notthemaskofbarona talesofknights cagair darkprojection nudeger zaverymuses continuumvagrant mxdicalstudent bravelatios majesticleon lone-dragoon vexingvixens fractemxmuses oncehymned lloyd-the-barista epiclittlezombie fractumspiritus seleniasongstress raxtilt  lordxmaxwell mxdicalstudent starflowerprodigy  trickssi spiritualkind 

                                      Got Me Feelin’ Star Struck                                                                       Those I reach out to…

(To the people that I kind of talk to and might have a thread or two but we don’t interact more than that, by all means I’d love to get to know you more because 99.999999999999% sure that I’m acting like Moon Moon and Can’t think of how to interact with you but you might have some idea. Just seriously come to my inbox, send me an ask, ask for my skype or attack me with messages, throw me a starter, tag me in shit, I don’t care! I’d love to get to know each and every one of you better and just…thank you.)

As Leia glanced along his form, he realized with wide eyes that he hadn’t gotten dressed before he answered the door, “Heh, woops!” he said, rubbing his head slightly. He didn’t care about her seeing him, but he knew she was shy and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, especially not today.

As she spoke, he listened carefully, making a gesture to show her to continue speaking even when he slipped back into the bedroom to toss a pair of pants on. When he emerged, he walked to his little kitchenette and poured them both some lemonade, handing her a glass as she finished asking her questions.

He couldn’t help the twang of guilt he felt from lying to her, especially now that she was putting it on herself.

“Listen, darlin’, it wasn’t you. You weren’t the reason I did that I…” he looked down, how do you bring that up? Oh yeah, I was just thinking about the time I accidentally shot you, how about some bagels?

“I just wasn’t feeling well, and didn’t want you worrying about me. You’re so caring and considerate that I knew you’d rush over and probably wait on me hand and foot. I just wanted to spare you from seeing me like that.”

Okay, so that wasn’t exactly the truth but it wasn’t exactly a lie either… Yeah… she wouldn’t buy that either and you just fibbed again. And you wonder why people have a hard time trusting you.

She sighed softly, closing her eyes when she felt his lips upon her cheek. She wasn’t mad but it was obvious he had fibbed again with the whole sick bit and it left her feeling a little uneasy. Was he slipping back into old habits or was he just embarrassed over what had really happened?

“I won’t force you to tell me about your dream, but I wish you could have just told me that right away. Instead of making up a business emergency and then saying you were sick. You don’t need to tell me everything but you can trust me. I’d never laugh at you for being honest Alvin.” 

She had had her fair share of bad dreams and she knew the toll it could take on someone. She was surprised to hear that this had been the reason for his morning text but beyond that, she was fully prepared to be there for him. If it had sent his day off course then she realized it must have been pretty awful.

“I just want you to know that I’m always here for you. I’m the last person you need to lie to, for any reason.” She sighed again and leaned up on her toes to place her own kiss on his cheek. She gently placed her arms around him and settled into a soft embrace. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? Do you want to talk about it?”

He groaned as the light came through the window in full force. He felt like he was hungover, though he hadn’t had a drink in a while. When he was finally able to put his mind over his matter, he stirred and sat at the edge of the bed. Maybe a nice shower would help his mood.

He took his time in the bathroom. He had a nice shave, brushed his teeth, messed with his hair and then stood in the shower for a good half hour, letting the water sear all over his body, hoping the slight burn would get his mind off of that damned nightmare. He felt refreshed, but his mood was still the same. Maybe a hot meal... he thought.

Since he was home alone, he simple wrapped a towel lazily around his waist. Clothing wasn’t something he wore often when he had a day alone in his apartment. As his hand reached for the fridge, however, he heard a knock and then Leia’s voice.

Damnit… How’d she find out? Curse her and her reporter-y skills…

“Er.. y-yeah! I’m home,” he sighed. He knew he was in for it, and he knew seeing her right now may only make things worse.

Her eyes trailed his chest and lower, pausing when the towel prevented her from seeing more. “Alvin.. um..” She blushed deeply and glanced away, her heart beating quickly. Ugh, why was she such a mess?

Obviously flustered, she tried to continue. “Um.. so-sorry.” After realizing she had been invited inside she awkwardly slid past him. 

“So..” She turned on her heel to face him once more, trying not to let her burning face get in the way of why she had come to see him. “I ran into Yurgen.. and he told me you haven’t seen him all day. That you two haven’t even talked. I don’t mean to pry Alvin, every detail of your life isn’t my business but did I do something wrong?”

She narrowed her eyes. Not in anger, she was just trying to think of why he might have fibbed.

“I mean.. I don’t want to assume you lied but its sort of feeling that way. That, or you just didn’t feel like texting me back after your plans with him fell through. Which.. is fine, really. I just kinda wish you had told me you wanted a day alone.”

She hated how childish she was probably coming across but all she was asking for was a bit of honesty. If they were going to date she felt like she deserved at least that much. 

———————-

BANG!

“Leia!”

“I- I didn’t mean to!” ———————– With a loud jolt, Alvin woke up in a cold sweat. He was breathing as heavy as his body would allow and could feel his heart thumping relentlessly in his chest.

That Nightmare again…

He sighed, placing his face in the palm of his hand and slicking his sweat prone hair back out of his face. His sheets were drenched and his chest was even worse. He knew there was no more sleeping tonight. Thankfully, it was early enough in the morning to get a start on the day.

After he finally got his bearings, he picked up his GHS to check the time. His heart stopped as his eyes found the date.

That explains it. Had it really been three years since…that day?

And so the nightmare was explained. Flipping the phone open, Alvin knew that he was in no position to see Leia today. Not after what he did to her those three years ago.

Make it convincing, Svent.

[Text: Babe: Hey there sweet thing. Hate to tell ya but Yurgen and I have a minor business emergency that we have to attend to. Sucks but such is the life of a successful entrepreneur like myself! I’ll keep ya updated, sugar. ;-)]

Leia groaned as her custom Teepo text tone blurted out, jolting her from what had actually been a decent nights sleep. “Ohh.. who could that be?” Her mind raced through her list of friends but rather than sit and guess she reached over and cupped her hand around her phone, bringing it over so that she could read the text from the comfort of her bed, lilac blankets pulled up to her chin.

“Oh! It’s from Alvin!” Though she started reading with a smile, it quickly faded when she realized the text wasn’t good news. It was normal that he was sometimes busy but she couldn’t help but feel a little sting of disappointment in realizing they wouldn’t get to spend the day together. With a sigh she supposed there was always tomorrow.

[Text:] No probs! Text when u can, Id <3 to see u 2day!!

With no plans, the rest of her morning was rather uneventful until she caught Alvin in his lie. 

///

At some point in the early morning Leia had decided a walk would do her good. Yeah! Fresh air always did the mind good and with no deadlines to meet and no boyfriend to see she had an entire day to kill! She was convinced that walking around the city would help her relax and get her mind off of eagerly anticipating Alvin’s next text. Her absent minded walking however, gave way into something very interesting. When she least expected it she collided straight into someone’s side!

“Ouch! Oh! I’m so sor-sorry..” Wincing in pain Leia lifted her head to continue her apologies when she stopped dead in her tracks. “Wait a minute.. Yurgen?? Didja get that emergency all sorted out?” Leia rubbed her the spot on her shoulder where she could already feel a small bruise forming before engaging in small talk with Alvin’s business partner. Though the talk was short it was very revealing. Alvin hadn’t seen Yurgen at all that day? Hadn’t even texted him? What was going on? There was no emergency which had to be dealt with? Why lie about that..?

“Only one way to find out..” And with that, the reporter rushed over to his apartment, knocking on his door the moment she was in front of it, still completely oblivious to what day had arrived.

“Alvin! Are you there? It’s Leia! Open up!”