The it/it’s are used as a way to acknowledge his spider side in public without people getting suspicious (spiders are more often called ‘it’ and the non-human aspect that comes with these pronouns because of when we usually use them) . It also does not experience being a boy the way regular humans do because a lot of ‘male’ things for humans are ‘female’ things for spiders, plus the fact that his spider biology is weird and includes traits and instincts from spiders regardless of gender.
Ava and Luke are a little hesitant the pronouns thing is a way to be mean to itself after struggling with having a human and spider identity. They’re won over fairly quickly by Danny and Sam (Danny explains the emotional aspect he noticed and Sam says, “That’s what it said to use, doesn’t matter if it makes you uncomfortable.”) (some of the hesitation comes from Flash and Doc Ock calling Peter ‘it’ to be insulting)
He/Him is always used for Spidey (since it can be more spidery, it doesn’t feel the need to use it/it’s to express this) while Peter is usually it/it’s. (Also He/Him around May because she only likes the human side of Peter, which actually inspired the pronouns because it felt like a less daunting way to explore the spider side without being spidery)
Other people also use it/it’s for various reasons (a lot of them because they have a disconnect from humanity as well), so this also kind of helps Peter have other people to talk to about its inhuman side
Maybe to go along with this, it experiments with calling things by more spidery terms like calling the bed a “nest”. It’s spidery without technically being spidery. Also being called spider terms like “spiderling” and calling the stages of teenage development “instars” even though it doesn’t molt.
Anyway, Sam will say something like, “I hate it!” or “I love it!” And Peter will always act like it thinks Sam is talking about him, “Oh, you love me?”. Unfortunately this goes two ways so Peter will say, “I hate it” and Sam will respond, “Why do you hate yourself?”
The greatest Halloween costume would be Pennywise (aka IT)
Anyway spider as a gender option for Peter needs to be a thing
“I took, “it’s a boy!” Very literally.”—Peter