Chronic Fic Binge

You’d not slept as soundly as you did than on your first night on Dathomir, in spite of the unfamiliar climate you found yourself in. The two of you barely moved a muscle all night, remaining tangled up in each other’s arms, Maul’s strong chest beneath you for most the night. The sound of his twin heartbeats soothed you in a way nothing else ever had, and when the sun crept through at the break of dawn, you were hard pressed to get up. 

Maul clearly felt the same. You could tell he was awake by the pace of his breathing, and also his bare hand tangling in your hair, caressing you softly as you both gently rid yourself of fatigue. All you wanted was to lay here forever, basking in his presence and having him hold you close, a kind of possessiveness that for once didn’t scare you - it just made you feel safe. For as demanding and terrifying as his demeanour was, something that once frightened you half to death, now it felt like coming home. 

But for as much as you could have wasted the hours and days laid together in a comfortable silence, you had a job to do. With much effort, and plenty of protest, you roused both your tired bodies from bed and set about your day. Maul jokingly pulled you back to his side a few times, and for the first time in months you heard a genuine laugh from him - not one laced with sarcasm or disbelief, but one of pure unadulterated joy. It was beautiful. 

Heading back to your ship, Maul had enlisted the help of a couple of his nightbrothers to help you unload your belongings. While he knew you were physically capable of doing it yourself, now that you were by his side and under his care, he wouldn’t allow you to ever be laboured more than necessary. 

The brothers, Helios and Ares, made short work of unloading your belongings and bringing them into your new workshop. They were clearly under strict instruction from Maul, as each time you attempted to ascend the ladder to get a box, two strong hands would haul you back down to the ground. It was fairly amusing to be honest, and each time it reminded you of the sheer strength Zabrak’s naturally possessed, whether they were force sensitive or not. But while you protested at first, you eventually gave up, allowing them to fulfill their duty as laid out by Maul. 

So, you set to putting everything away and organising your new space, as that seemed to be all you were allowed to do. Maul was spending part of the day with Devon, hoping to get some training in both in the wake of her new found connection with you, and also in anticipation for if he was to be incapacitated anytime soon. New legs came with risks, he wasn’t naive to that. He might have been able to bounce back swiftly in the past, but he was a younger man then, and he’d not only aged what felt like 10 years in the past 2, but the damage his body had sustained was immense. Not just to the cybernetic parts, either. 

Before parting ways this morning, you’d given him instruction to come and see you later in the day so that you could start work on his new legs. Sure enough, after a couple hours of unboxing and furniture removal - for which both Helios and Ares insisted on helping with too - he turned up on your doorstep. 

“I trust my brothers have been helpful?” he asked in that sinfully sultry tone that you don’t think you’d ever tire of. You smiled at him then nodded over at the brothers, who were now standing side by side, hands clasped behind their back, like they were awaiting a military inspection. 

“Very. Thank you, boys,” you said. They nodded back at you in return, stoic as ever and just as unmoving as they had been for most the day. You imagined Dathomirians might not be the friendliest of people to newcomers, but were grateful that they still helped you as they had. 

“You may leave now,” Maul dismissed them as he walked into your workshop, kitted out in his cloak and staff again as he was yesterday. The brothers bowed their heads before leaving the building, closing the door behind them on the way. 

“How’s Devon?” you asked, putting away your final pieces as Maul took off his robe and set his staff to one side. He scoffed under his breath at your question. 

“Same old Devon. I had hoped yesterday might have given her something to be a bit perkier about, but it seems we’re back at square one again,” he lamented, leaning on a side table as he watched you organise your new space. 

“You forget she’s still a teenager. Even without what she’s been through, a bit of defiance in the face of authority is normal,” you reasoned, “I’ll go see her tomorrow, if there’s time? See if I can’t get through to her. At least get her to see you’re not the asshole she clearly thinks you are.”

“It might not hurt to try,” he shrugged, his arms folded as he surveyed the stacks of now empty boxes, “Have you finished here?”.

“Yes,” you nodded, “All unpacked. I’m ready to start work on your legs now, if you are?”. 

Maul sucked his top lip in, hissing slightly in pain as he snagged the skin on his teeth. His own nerves were rife today, and while he would never outright admit that to you, he did an awful job of hiding it. You might not be force sensitive as he was, but even an idiot could pick up on his anxiety. 

“Or…we can wait?” you offered, but Maul shook his head. 

“No, no, I’ll be fine…,” he chuckled under his breath, clearly trying to alleviate nerves, “Just remembering how much it hurt the last time you attacked me with these tools!”. 

You scoffed, closing the gap between the two of you and prodding him in the chest. 

“The word ‘attack’ is a bit strong, no?” you teased, “Besides, today will just be investigative work. I’m saving the pain for another day.”

“Oh, I’ll count my stars for that blessing then,” Maul mocked, his hand grabbing yours which continued to jab at him. He slowly brought your hand up to his mouth, and planted a soft kiss on the inside of your wrist. The feeling sent a shudder down your spine, not helped by his next question. 

“Where do you want me?”. 

Stars. Where didn’t you want him? 

You coughed slightly to clear your throat as Maul eventually released your hand from his, then took a step back to put some space between you. You feared that if you didn’t, there was a chance you’d jump him right here and now, and you were still unsure of his boundaries in regards to intimacy.  

“May as well use the bed,” you gave him a half-smile, “Might as well be comfortable while I “attack you”,” you said, mocking. 

Maul rolled his eyes before grasping his staff and following you over to the bed. There was the rudimentary bedding on which he recognised from yesterday, as being what was left for you, but now there was more surrounding it. Amongst all the technical items you’d carefully packed and brought with you, you’d snuck a few creature comforts on board as well - a few blankets, an extra throw cushion which he recognised from your couch, and even a small stuffed animal. He smiled faintly as he saw it, wondering how many moon cycles you’d been hanging onto that, and why it was so important that it came with you. 

But then his eyes darted next to the bed and saw a myriad of your tools lined up like surgical instruments, ready to pry and prod at him. He felt his twin hearts beat a little louder at the sight, worry and fear coursing through him. You noticed his darting eyes. 

“Hey,” you got him to focus on you now, not the tools, “Do you trust me?”. 

“Yes,” he responded without hesitating, nodding in response also. “Completly.”

“Okay, good,” you smiled, “So you know I’d never hurt you on purpose, right?”. 

“I know that. My rational brain is screaming that at me. I think I’m just worried how bad this could be,” he admitted. You shrugged slightly, but all the while not being dismissive of his feelings. 

“We won’t know how bad until I have a closer look. The fact you’ve gone this long with such sufficient damage makes me hopeful that it won’t be as horrific as we might expect, but I’ll not lie and say it’ll all be okay. Truthfully, I don’t know. But if you trust me to keep you safe, we will work together to make this right for you.”

Maul smiled at you before leaning down to meet your lips with his. You kissed him softly, not stopping at any point to question how swiftly the two of you had gone from having not seen each other in months, to what now felt like a very established relationship. You didn’t think Maul would be the kind of man to dwell on labels anyway, so the need to ask him anything along those lines fell by the wayside pretty quickly. 

“It should be me keeping you safe, Empress. Not the other way around,” he whispered against your lips between soft kisses. You smiled at the new pet name, probably your favourite that he’d come out with for you. 

“We have all the time in the galaxy for that, Maul. But you can’t do that with these old hunks of metal slowing you down,” you chuckled, pecking his lips one final time before stepping back and assessing him standing up for a moment. 

“I apologise for this, but I’ll need you to take your utility belt off, if that’s alright. I need to know what exactly I’m working with before I can start designing your new legs”. 

You had a vague idea of what lay under the metal casing around his hips, based on the stories he’d recounted and the memory you have of him furiously explaining how he lost his legs in the first place. It was the first thing you actually got him to open up about - but aside from that, you’d never seen beneath the coverings. There was never a need to. The stars above knew that you’d imagined, though…

If a crimson faced Zabrak could blush, you could have sworn Maul was doing that now. With a soft bite to his bottom lip, he nodded. Releasing the staff so he had both hands free, grunting as he put weight back on his leg, he slowly unclipped the metal belt that encircled his body. The mechanics hissed as the hydraulics which kept it flexible as he moved deactivated, turning the belt to one solid metal lump which unclasped from the front. 

Maul slowly took the belt off, setting it on the table next to the bed, before turning around. 

“I-,” he swallowed thickly, “I assume you’re going to need these off as well?” he gestured to his material trousers which covered the top half of his legs. You’d never really worked out what they were, or more to the point where they started, as they were always tucked into the belt. 

“I’m gonna need to see all that I’m working with, Maul. That includes the attachment point for your legs around your hips. Sorry if this is embarrassing,” you said. He shook his head. 

“No need to apologise. It’s just I- I’ve never been this bare to anyone since my accident”. 

Your heart shattered a little bit for him. He was a man who commanded such respect and was, quite rightly, feared by millions for his actions and strength with the dark side of the force. But yet here he was, standing in your quarters, as nervous as a virgin before their first time making love. 

“Well, I won’t look, that’s a start,” you smiled, then reached into your bag to grab a towel, “Use this as a modesty cloth. It will allow me to get to what’s left of your hips, and get an understanding of how your legs are fused in, without you needing to actually expose yourself to me”. 

Maul took the towel from you and nodded. 

“I can work with that.”

You did as you promised and turned your back to Maul for a moment, allowing him to undress himself from the waist down and get himself comfortable. You even closed your eyes, not wanting to risk accidentally turning round prematurely and him being in a state he didn’t wish you to see him in. This relationship, whatever that was shaping up to be, was no different to any other; it was built on a foundation of trust, and this was a sure-fire way to physically show him that you would never betray him. 

Maul waited a few beats to establish that you were being true to your word and not likely to turn your head. While he at some point figured that he would end up in your presence naked, the fact that this was how that could first happen made him riddled with embarrassment. He’d not had many lovers before you, but he knew that he could totally dominate whenever he was with a partner, turn their world upside down with his strength and power, so much so that he didn’t even have time to dwell on his insecurities of being half the man most wanted - quite literally, too. 

Not only was he self conscious about how he looked, and the current state he was in, but he was afraid of how you’d view him in this vulnerable state. Would you ever be able to look at him the same, with those eyes filled with need and desire, after tending to him in such a way?

Maul shook his head quickly, as if trying to shake those thoughts out of his head, and set to work removing his clothing. He kept his top half on for now, not that it covered much, but everything from his waist down he allowed to slip down his metal legs and onto the floor. He hissed a little as the material snagged on his open wound as it dropped to the ground, and on shaky legs he stepped out of the clothing. 

Slowly, he lowered himself onto the edge of the bed. 

“Don’t turn around yet. But how do you want me?” Maul asked, his hand clutching the modesty cloth you’d given him to cover his cock. 

“If you can, it would be good for you to be laid flat on your back. It takes the strain off your legs and lets me look at the damage fully,” you asked. 

Maul nodded and then shuffled back on the bed, using his one good leg to push himself back towards the pillows. Once his back hit a cushion, he stopped, and laid down with his legs straight on the bed. It took him a moment to get comfortable, the feeling of being without clothing being so foreign to him at this point that he struggled to settle. But eventually, he got to where he needed to be, and placed the modesty cloth over his groin area. 

“Okay, you can turn around now.”

You turned on your heels and opened your eyes, greeting Maul with a small smile as you looked at him laid down. The damage was significantly worse now you could see what was going on, but you tried not to let your face say that. Instead, you grabbed a few of your investigative tools, a pair of glasses, and gently sat next to him on the bed. 

Now that he was laid bare, you finally understood the extent of his injuries. He’d lost everything organic from the adductor muscle and below in his leg, but alterations had clearly been made when he got his cybernetic legs. While initially he might have been able to have prosthetics from the mid-thigh and below, you instead were looking at a different surgical site to what you might have expected. 

He’d told you about his “trash legs”, the pair he first had and held together with the sheer determination of the force and his own willpower, but it was clear that in that time there had been damage to some of the organic matter that remained. The likely outcome was that the sheer weight of the old trash legs corroded away at some of the remaining bone, and put a lot of strain on his remaining hip joints. 

You traced your fingers along his metal joints, a small flashlight guiding you, looking for a fuse point. If your assumptions were correct, he must have been given a hip joint replacement when the Nightsisters gave him his first proper pair of legs, but other than that you weren’t sure what had been left to suffer. 

What remained  had deteriorated, that much was evident. The fact that he hadn’t been built to last, literally, was so obvious to you as you continued to examine him. Looking carefully at his hip joint, the metal of the joint was different to the rest of his leg. 

“Well, this explains why you can’t keep up,” you muttered to yourself, examining the fuse points of remaining flesh of the external abdominal obliques to the metal hips. It was a mis-match of bone, an old joint, and the “new” legs he had been sporting for years now. Scar tissue wrapped itself around the older layer of metal, being pinched and torn in multiple places, likely giving him constant grief. 

“Why’s that?” he asked. 

“The joints weren’t updated when you got your new legs. These were just slotted in the old socket - but the two are totally incompatible. In fact, I haven’t a clue how you’ve managed as long as you have with them,” you explained, “And were you also aware you’ve still got your original pelvis?”.

“Honestly, no. I know that whatever parts I was given they were wired into my nervous system so I could still feel if I sustained damage. I assumed any pain that came from them was cybernetic,” he said. 

“You’ve got your original bone, old joints, and damaged cybernetics all working against each other here. It really is a wonder you can stand,” you shook your head in slight disbelief, but also frustration at the previous mechanics. How could they be so stupid? 

“Is it fixable?” he asked, timidly. You nodded. 

“You’ll probably need new hip joints designing, but I don’t see that being an issue. We might be able to salvage your original pelvis too, but I’d need to know more about the condition of the bone and how it’s holding up before saying for definite. I wouldn’t know that until I got your old legs off”. 

Maul winced as he remembered the pain he felt the last time you shut his leg down. He started thinking about whether it was worth asking Mother Talzin to cast her Magick and put him under so that he would never even know what you were doing. He always had horrific night terrors after her sleep spells, but perhaps they were preferable over the agony he’d feel having both legs removed. 

He tried to calm himself down at the thought while he allowed you to continue examining him. Without taking the legs off there wasn’t much more you could do, but you were still able to put together a design for new legs that would hopefully take less of a brunt onto his hips. You also set to designing a new joint that could better withstand the kind of movements and force that Maul continually drove through his legs, thus needing something far more complex to cope with long-term use. 

Time flew by as you took measurements, continued your examination, and tested some basic movements with Maul to understand his range of motion he currently possessed. If he wanted to rule, return himself to his former glory, then he needed to be a powerful figure who could do just that. You wanted to make sure that he had as much as he could possibly get from this process, and that hopefully he wouldn’t have to go through it again. 

“Can I be honest?” Maul asked, breaking the silence. You’d almost not noticed just how quiet you’d been, and how much time had passed, until he spoke. 

“Of course,” you said, continuing to work. 

“It frightens me, getting new legs.”

“It’s a big thing. I can imagine it would,” you reasoned, not really looking up from your mechanical drawings. 

“No but…I’m already half the man I was. Literally speaking too,” you scoffed a small laugh, but let him continue, “I worry in case any more of me needs to go to replace these legs”. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

“Maul,” you breathed softly, finally looking up and understanding now why he had been hesitant when you asked if he was ready to start this process. Given the work he’d had done before, which now your trained eye was looking at it was becoming more like a bodge job, he needed someone he could trust. Someone who wouldn’t just hack away at anything he had left which made him feel like a man - not without reason, anyway.  Starting this process, even if he did already trust you, was never going to be simple. 

“If I did, I- I don’t know. I would no longer be me, at all. The one thing that keeps me going, in spite of the fact most of me is no longer flesh, is that I still retain enough to be normal. I still eat and drink as I once did, I could still have a family if I wished,” he went quieter as he said that, and your heart broke slightly. Behind the mask of vengeance and hatred was a man who had real dreams and ambitions that were not rooted in defeating someone else.  

“Maul, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you keep everything,” you smiled, holding his spare hand which wasn’t holding down his modesty cloth, and squeezing it to comfort him. 

“You promise?” he asked, almost broken. 

“I promise.”

Maul nodded, and the two of you fell back into a comfortable silence as you continued to work on your drawing. There wasn’t much left you had to do, now it was just about taking measurements and then beginning the actual work itself. His utility belt would need looking at too, as it acted as core support for his body and was probably part of the reason why his organic hips hadn’t totally shattered under the pressure of the metal cybernetics. But that could wait until later down the line, as it hadn’t seemed to have sustained damage recently. 

Eventually, you finished. Removing your glasses, you looked down at your mechanical drawings with satisfaction, knowing you’d got as much as you could from a theoretical standpoint. There was now going to be the arduous task of finding out if your ideas could even work, but that would be a job for tomorrow. 

“Okay, you can sit up if you like. I’m all done,” you smiled. Maul did as you asked, getting himself comfortable against the wooden headboard and your scatter cushions. 

“Thank you. That wasn’t as horrific as I imagined," you both chuckled, before Maul’s face turned far more somber, “Can I ask you something?”. 

“Anything,” you smiled, setting down your work but not moving from where you were sitting.

“After we were last…together. Did you ever think about doing more? Even though you didn’t know what lay beneath my clothes?” he asked, shocking you slightly. You weren’t sure what you were expecting him to ask, but it sure as Hell wasn’t that. 

But stars, if only he knew what went racing through your mind. If only he knew how many nights you’d fucked your own hand with your imagination bringing you hurtling back to the image of him on his knees before you. It would quell any worry he might still have about what you truly thought of him in this form.

You nodded.

“Yes. And, if we’re being pedantic, I still don’t know what lies beneath,” you winked, nodding your head towards the modesty cloth over his lap. Maul chuckled, shaking his head. 

“Is that part of you still there? The one who wanted more?” he asked, glowing eyes piercing your very soul as he picked apart every word that fell from your lips - he needed to be sure about things before asking you that question…

“Yes. It wasn’t some one-time lust filled desire, Maul. I wanted it before you even touched me. Before I knew anything about what lay beneath,” you admitted. 

“Even after seeing me like this?”. 

“Yes, Maul. Even after everything”. 

You felt brave admitting that, albeit a little stupid and embarrassed at the same time. But it felt good to say, and to also feel like your feelings were being reciprocated. Maul smiled at you, one hand reaching out to grasp yours. His fingers caressed your knuckles, and the two of you silently got lost in each other’s presence for a moment. 

“Good…,” he breathed, speaking now almost in shallow whispers, barely a sound coming from him. 

“Why do you ask?” you queried, intrigued taking over. Maul’s hand squeezed yours a little tighter as he inhaled sharply, almost like he was preparing himself for what he was about to say. 

“If I may have to lose more of myself to keep living, I’ll be damned if I don’t get to experience the bliss between your legs with my own cock at least once in my life. If you’d honour it, I’d owe everything to you if you would grant me such a pleasure”. 

Your throat went dry and you felt your eyes widen at the proposition - but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t also feel a pit of warmth in your stomach at the idea, and it wasn’t like the thought of riding him hadn’t crossed your mind. 

“I’ll admit, that’s the most suave way anyone has ever got me into bed,” you giggled.  

“I don’t mean now, just, if you ever-” Maul stammered, not able to even finish his sentence. That’s when it dawned on you that this was the first time you were seeing him properly nervous. 

You silenced him with actions, not words. The one language Maul understood so intrinsically. Standing back up, you discarded of any of the tools you were going to use for final adjustments to his legs, setting them back in their cases. All that could wait for later. 

Feeling bold, you slowly slipped your clothes off, baring yourself entirely before him. His eyes filled with that lust filled hue you had come to dream about since your first night together on Janix where you surrendered to one another. But this time, you were in control. 

Maul remained on the bed, propping himself up further, as he watched you undress entirely. His eyes widened, and his jaw went slightly slack, as he admired you peeling back layers of fabric, baring your flesh to him like some kind of sacrificial lamb ready for slaughter. 

“My girl,” he muttered, his eyebrows softening from their usual pinched look of anger to one of utter wonderment, “Look at you…,” he whispered, almost as if in disbelief as for what he was witnessing. He watched you like a hawk as your trousers slid down your legs, followed by your shirt being pulled off over your head. 

“Your girl, hey?” you said, now standing in just your underwear. And honestly? With eyes like Maul’s blown up at the sight of you, you’d never felt so sexy in a man’s presence. It was a bit addictive to watch him falter without you even doing anything. 

“Yes. Please,” he begged. 

Maul. Begging. You made a Sith Lord - former or present, it didn’t feel like that mattered - to beg for you. 

“Sit up more,” you commanded, and watched as Maul complied, with not a beat of hesitancy. He slipped off the remaining clothing he wore over his top half, exposing his tattooed chest to you now in its entirety. You smiled as you watched him ready himself, his chest heaving and hands now bare, outstretched and beckoning you to come closer. 

Before taking his hand, you hooked your fingers around the top of your underwear, and slid them down your legs. You heard Maul growl as the scent of you hit him, his sense of smell far superior to a human’s. Your eyes darted up to watch him grin at the sight of you now bare from the waist down, before settling on the modesty cloth. A distinct bulge lay beneath the cloth now, and at the sight you felt your heart race and skin prickle with a familiar heat. 

Looking back at Maul, you reached out and took his hand. He tugged you towards him, hurrying you into his lap where you straddled him, his arms wrapping around your back and caging you in towards his body. The bulge of his cock hit your clit as you settled onto him, and a small moan escaped you, making Maul grin in delight. 

His fingers danced along your spine while his mouth began its assault on your skin, kisses being left across your chest, teeth grazing your soft skin and leaving small red marks in their wake. Without any further words, Maul undid the clasp on your bra and let it fall between you, before grabbing the material and throwing it to one side. 

You chuckled as you now sat completely naked in Maul’s lap, your cunt throbbing with need and anticipation as you remained so agonisingly close to getting everything you’d fantasised about for months. 

“I am devoted to you,” you breathed, kissing him softly, “Only you,” another kiss, “And I will do everything I can to keep you whole”. 

Maul began muttering in your ear, words you didn’t understand the meaning of, but understood to be Mando’a. You assumed that they were terms of endearment, each syllable coming out soft and gentle - a far contrast from the man who was whispering them. 

“I am yours,” was the only discernible thing that you managed to pick up on, “Let me show you that”.

“Remove the cloth, Maul…,” you whispered, your bare cunt now mere centimeters from grinding down on him. Maul removed it, the shyness from earlier now seemingly gone, and gave you a moment to glance down and take in the sight of him. 

He was certainly nothing to scoff at. You smiled faintly as he bore himself to you, exposing his greatest vulnerability, and throwing the cloth to one side. You dipped one hand between your bodies and began to gently caress his hardened length for a moment, getting a feel for his size with your fingers. 

Maul hissed in pleasure as your hands slowly worked away at him, your thumb rubbing the tip of his cock and smearing the pre-cum he’d already released all over the fat head. It had been so many moons since he had laid with another, too ashamed of how he looked to even dare invite someone into such an intimate part of him. But with you, all that fell away. He wanted to show you this part of him, and to feel alive in your presence. For the first time in a long while, he wanted to live. 

“Please…I’m not sure how much of this I can take. It’s been so long…,” he said, breathing staggered and his fingers digging into your flesh even harder. 

That was the permission you were looking for. The green light you needed to truly know that all cards were on the table, and this was genuinely something he wanted. 

With your hand still working his length, you positioned his cock in line with your hip tilt. Gently, you  lowered yourself onto his cock, whincing slightly as he first broke your walls, it not only being your first time with Maul but also your first time in years. Working with the Jedi, then having to lay low in the aftermath of Order 66, seldom gave you time for recreational pleasure. 

Maul held you tight against his body as you sank into his lap, and you watched as his demeanour completely shifted at your will. His eyes got lighter, the usual red dissipating to a pale pink and the amber becoming a soft yellow; for a moment you could have sworn that they rolled back into his head. 

“Stars above,” he cursed, dipping his head to be flush with your chest. “You feel like heaven”. 

Once seated, you stilled for a moment, taking in the entire feeling. Maul was by far one of the more impressively sized lovers you’d had if the feeling was anything to go by, that you needed a moment to compose yourself. He didn’t seem to mind though, his hands tracing the curves of your body, dancing along battle scars you’d obtained over the years. He made a mental note to one day ask about each one of them, and to keep you safe so that you never got another. 

You cursed under your breath as you acclimatised to the size and feel of Maul between your legs. Even without movement, you agreed with the sentiment he shared; he felt like heaven too. 

Slowly, you began to move your hips. Maul’s touch got firmer and his head fell back against the headboard as a surge of pleasure ran through him. You watched as he lost himself piece by piece with every roll of your hips, moans and grunts filling the room as you slowly fucked him. With every roll, your movements became more certain, confidence growing gradually. Every time Maul panted, moaned, or dug his hands in harder to your hips, you became more confident in yourself, snapping your hips faster and harder until both of you filled the room with the sound of pleasure and longing. 

You didn’t even care about the metal of his legs digging into your soft flesh, choosing to ignore your body’s screams of agony as it rubbed against you, undoubtedly leaving marks behind. You’d tend to that later. Nothing mattered right now except for the feeling you were chasing, the high that wasn’t far from reach. After so long without another’s touch, every time Maul’s hands gripped your body, or any time his lips met yours, threatened to push you over the edge. 

You weren’t sure if he had seen inside your mind, or if he was just really in tune with you by now, but it was as if Maul knew just how close you were; and what you needed, too. With a firm grab of your hips, he stilled your movements entirely. You looked at him, your brow furrowed in confusion, wondering if he’d perhaps changed his mind about going through with this. 

“Are you alright?” you asked on shaky breaths, your heart pounding in your chest and clit throbbing with need. 

“More than alright,” he caressed your sides as he spoke, “But may I do some of the work?” he asked. 

“What about your leg?” you asked in return, not wanting him to make his injury worse. 

“I’m injured, not dead,” he chuckled, “Please. I know my limits. I just want to make you feel good,” he said, one hand now reaching up to caress your cheek. 

How could you ever say no to him? Even without a pleading look in his eyes, you were always hard pressed to turn down Maul; whatever he asked of you. Smiling sweetly, you nodded, and let him move how he wanted. You figured that if he damaged his leg anymore, it’s not like you couldn’t do anything about it to tide him over. 

Maul grinned before pulling you into his chest as he slipped a little further down the bed. You felt his legs bend, and watched as he forced himself to position his damaged leg behind you. Before you could stop him though, to prevent him from pushing himself too much, a firm hand grabbed your jaw, covering your mouth. 

“Don’t even think about telling me not to do this, Empress,” he slurred, words laced with a venom that you got such a kick out of. The shy and timid Maul who hadn’t laid with another since his early twenties was gone; you’d awoken something far more primal now. 

All you could do was nod and accept his fate - if he did damage himself, it seemed as if he was willing to take that risk and deal with it after. And so, you did the same. 

Maul’s hand released your jaw, setting itself back on your body, as he got into the position he wanted. With his legs bent and feet planted on the bed, he began to thrust up into you with a force far greater than what you could ever manage while riding him. It was enough that your head dropped to his, and a guttural moan left you. 

“There she is…,” Maul chuckled, his arms wrapped around you tight as he fucked up into you rapidly, each thrust getting harder than the one before it. Your nails found purchase in his flesh, and with each thrust you dug in harder, attempting to distract yourself from the scream you wanted to do, aware that behind the door to your workshop was an entire village of Nightsisters. Eventually you felt a trickle of his blood beneath your hands, the skin broken from your vice like grip. 

“Sorry,” you whispered, before feeling a hand land on your ass. You squealed with the force of it, the spank leaving a tingling sensation behind. 

“Don’t even think about apologising. I feel alive. I don’t care about a little blood,” Maul said, before silencing you both with a firm kiss. You kissed him back, grateful for his lips to muffle the sounds of the moans that each thrust of his hips brought out. 

Every second that he rutted into you made your head spin, and you could feel that you were teetering on the edge of an explosion. Maul’s hot skin pressed into yours as he kept you close, your mouths battling through need to consume one another, teeth and tongues crashing against each other. Every kiss was messy, needy, and forceful. 

Maul snaked one hand between your bodies and began drawing circles around your clit, hyper-aware of his own finish line being in reach. He’d be damned if you were left unsatisfied by his hand. He groaned against your lips at the feeling of your slick coating his hand, and he had to fight his urges to not immediately bring his fingers up to taste you. Not many nights had passed where he hadn’t thought back to your first encounter, where he’d plunged his tongue deep inside you and tasted your essence. 

The feeling surged through you like a lighting bolt, and suddenly all decorum evaporated. Breaking your kiss, a hoarse scream separated your lips from Maul’s, and your climax slammed into you like an oncoming speeder. White hot flashes appeared behind your eyes as your mind went blank, your senses so totally overwhelmed with him that you could no longer think straight. It was just you and him, alone here, and that was all that mattered. 

“Good girl,” Maul muttered, grinning as he watched your body spasm and contort as pleasure took over. He slowly stilled his hand and slowed down the speeds of his thrusts to try and give you a moment of composure, him briefly entering your mind and finding that the feeling was almost getting too much. Every touch threatened to bring you back to this point in an instance. 

“Kriff…,” you panted, Maul’s hips stopping entirely now. You leant over his body, propping yourself up on weak arms and looked down at your lover. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, his hand now no longer between your bodies, back to caressing your side. You nodded, then smirked, bucking your hips. 

“Never been better,” you grinned, slowly sitting up to ride Maul anew. He moaned lowly at the different angle, his cock pushing into you deeper. 

“My girl,” he whined, watching in awe as you rode him hard, pushing through the overstimulation yourself. You let his hands grab and mark you wherever he needed, letting him explore your body as you pushed him closer and closer.

He sat up again, unsatisfied that he couldn’t kiss you at this angle. His mouth found yours and claimed it immediately, his hands tangling in your hair as you fucked him. 

“I’m barely holding on here,” he groaned as your lips separated, his head now nestled into the crook of your neck. His fingers pressed into your flesh hard as he fought against every part of his natural instincts to just let go, releasing so many years of isolation and loneliness, wanting this to last as long as it could. 

“I’m not asking you to,” you kissed his cheek, “Cum for me, Maul,” you whispered.

Maul’s body shuddered at your request, and almost instantaneously, he released the part of him that was holding back. With a firm bite to your shoulder to muffle his cries, Maul came hard inside of you. The feeling rushed through him and made him feel more alive than he had in years. Truly there was nothing that could compare to this. 

Just as he had for you, your thrusting slowed down gradually, until eventually you stilled on top of him. But Maul never let go; he clung to your body, both of you now exhausted and spent from your efforts, a sheen of sweat covering you both. He never wanted this to end - the sweetness in the still, your bodies calming down, your senses returning to normal. The blissful period after sex where nothing else matters - you simply remain with one another. 

But eventually, it had to end. You slid yourself off Maul’s lap, but his arms didn’t allow you to go very far. You giggled as he pulled you down towards him, your body lazily slung over his in bed.  He held you to him as your heart beats rested, and the heat between you dissipated. And that’s where you remained for the rest of the night; satisfied, safe, and content. With soft kisses and gentle caresses, the two of you slowly slipped off into a slumber that both of you so desperately needed, neither one of you daring to break the bond you’d created.

Tomorrow would bring a myriad of challenges as you began work on Maul’s new legs; it was certainly not going to be an easy piece of engineering to successfully pull off. Part of you feared that you were not the right person for the job, and no matter how much he trusted you he would be better off finding someone more experienced to do this work for him.

But as the sound of his heart beats relaxed into a gentle rhythm, there wasn’t a thing about the concept of the work you had to complete that could frighten you. You smiled softly as you felt the weight of Maul’s arm, draped over your body, go heavy with slumber. 

And suddenly you realised; you were right where you were meant to be.  

You were twelve and thought a lot of things about Maul that first week. It was strange the way he stood at attention like a soldier, as if it would disguise how out of place he was. His arms dangled off his shoulders like snapped, jagged branches, but he displayed the strength of a full grown man. His face was a mismatched puzzle; horns and chin long and sharp, but his cheeks were still chubby from childhood. He sat ramrod straight and never took his eyes off the teacher. Always the first student in class and the last to leave. You couldn't decide if he was shy or didn't like people.

But his tattoos were one of the coolest things you'd ever seen. And you couldn't stop thinking about how he bit a boy's nose hard enough to bleed.

During recess on his first day, Maul cycled between kicking rocks around and watching the other kids. You approached him, ignoring the protests from your friends.

"Hi, you sit behind me in tracking class," you told him your name. Maul stared.

"I'm Maul."

"What school did you transfer from?"

"Does it matter?"

You shrugged. "Just curious."

Maul narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Wanna play with us?" you gestured back to your group of friends, who pretended they weren't just looking.

"No," he said, far more harshly than you expected.

"Oh…maybe later?"

Maul walked away without answering. Your friends were generous with their I told you so's, yet oddly, his rudeness didn't bother you like it would from someone else. It just made you curious.

You tried again the next day. You found him squatting at the same edge of the field, moving rocks and dirt around with a twig.

"We're playing warvolley if you want to join," you said. "Just don't hit the ball with your palms up. Kera dislocated his pinkie doing that once. There was blood everywhere."

Maul didn't look up. "No."

"What about tomorrow?"

"No."

You tried tomorrow anyway, and the next day. And the day after that. Every time you asked him to join you, you offered him something. A seat, a game, even half your lunch once, which earned you a look so suspicious that even you questioned if your pasta was poisoned. Maul either said no or nothing at all— which was still a no.

Weeks of rejection passed. Your friends said that Maul might bite your nose too if you kept asking. That was probably true. You'd seen him fight dirty during sparring matches well enough. But you saw the slight falter in his expression when he was chosen last for group activities, every time. How he watched everyone play at recess like an exhibit at a zoo. There was something lonely about him, so you kept asking.

The student body at Orsis was a wealth of diversity, except for Zabraks. Specifically, Dathomiri Zabraks, which made Maul the prime target for the loud and obnoxious students. Zhet was the worst of them— a Theelin boy whose father was a top donor, which meant the faculty would turn a blind eye to his behavior. He carved slurs into Maul's desk and shoulder checked him in the halls. And during a documentary screening one afternoon, he and his friends flung rubber bands at Maul's head, trying to loop them around his horns.

They never landed a single shot, but they still thought it was the funniest thing in the whole galaxy. Maul never fought back, which was the part you couldn't stand. You'd seen him take kids twice his size down without so much as a sweat— yet he just sat there and took it when Zhet and his minions harassed him. Jaw tight, eyes forward, spine ramrod straight. Maul could easily break his arm in half, and Zhet must've known that because he was a coward with stupid, pink hair.

You just stood up in the middle of the documentary and stomped over to Zhet's desk. You didn't have a plan. The whole class, including the instructor, was staring at you. Zhet was tipped back in his chair, looking at you as if you were stupid, and you kicked the legs out from under him with all the strength you had.

He slammed to the floor with a yelp and the class roared in laughter. The instructor shouted at you, but you were too focused on watching Zhet scramble to his feet, his face burning red.

The instructor dragged you out of the classroom by your arm. On your way out, you caught Maul's eyes and winked at him.

You didn't expect Maul to thank you after that, which he didn't. But he started staring. Constantly. You'd catch him in class and instead of glancing away like a normal person, he'd stare at you until you caved and looked away, embarrassed. But it wasn't the look he used when watching the other kids at recess— it was a calculating one, but no less intimidating.

It was driving you nuts. You planned to confront Maul about it, but he got to you first.

Inside the academy's library, you had a hideaway; a storage closet, tucked away in the far back corner. The librarian gave you the keycard herself, delighted that someone expressed interest in physical books. It smelled like mildew and old clothes forgotten in a dresser. The couch cushion was lumpy and split at the seams, and you chipped away at the cracked leather like dried toothpaste. But it was lined with towering, cherry wood shelves that held hundreds of books nearly lost to time.

It was your own sanctuary. That's why you nearly jumped out of your skin when the door opened and Maul walked in.

"W-what are you doing here?" you placed a hand over your racing heart. "How did you even find this place?"

"I followed you." Maul said, like that was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

"But I've been here for a few hours?"

Instead of answering, Maul looked around the small space, taking in the old couch, wood shelves, and bad smell.

"Why did you kick Zhet's chair?" He finally asked.

You blinked at him. "Because he's a sleemo and deserved it."

What flickered across his face was more than confusion— like what you told him was downright absurd. Maul frowned at the floor and fell silent again. You felt awkward, so you reached for the crumpled bag tucked in between the couch cushions.

"Zabraks are carnivores, right? Do you want some jerky?"

Maul scrunched his nose at the offered bag. "You're not supposed to have that in here."

"Are you gonna snitch? You don't seem like a snitch."

"No."

"Then take the jerky," you tossed him the bag and he caught it without looking.

He stared suspiciously at it. "Why are you giving me this?"

You shrugged. "Mother said it's polite."

"Polite?" His lips curled around the word like he'd never said it before.

"That's what she says."

For a moment, you thought Maul would actually take it. Then his face turned to stone and threw the bag back at you. It fumbled against your chest when you caught it.

"I don't want it."

"Why?"

But Maul already turned around and walked out, leaving you wondering if any of that actually happened.

You didn't expect him to come back that next evening. He avoided you throughout the day and disappeared during recess. But he did, wordlessly, scowling so harshly that it looked painful. Maul came back the evening after that, too. And the one after that. You never understood why and you didn't think he did either. You don't know when it became normal to find him already in the closet when you arrived, tucked into the far end of the couch by the door. Maul didn't explain himself, and you never asked. You learned that questions made him leave. So you accepted it as his version of a friendship.

Maul always sat by the door, you by the dirty hopper window. His charger became yours because your cable was always frayed. He brought a lavender potpourri satchel for the shelf because his Zabrak sense of smell was far more sensitive than yours. You draped a blanket over the seat when the flakes of leather stuck to your school pants. The moth-bitten hole in the back seams became home for snacks you stuffed in your bra to sneak into the library.

You studied there, completed projects together, tossed balled up snack wrappers at Maul's head when he annoyed you. They never landed. Some evenings passed wordlessly when there were no assignments due. Maul, working at something on his datapad. You, buried in one of the musty tomes.

The seasons passed with you two folded into the quiet of that little room. You were happy in ways that you didn't understand yet, and Maul was as familiar to you as the back of your hand.

Until he wasn't.

Orsis was a dense jungle, smothered in unrelenting, soup like humidity that was especially brutal during the summer. And you, a child of the arid Andrenma desert, were sure this exercise would break you.

You dropped to your knees beneath an overgrowth, the shade providing you minimal relief from the oppressive heat. You felt every swell of your veins in tandem with the rapid beat of your heart. Your skin flushed, and damp with sweat that clung to you like a wet sock. The jumpsuit tied at your waist left your exposed shoulders littered with various cuts from the flora. Some beaded with endless blood, others stung like claws on a sunburn.

The realization dawned on you as you rummaged through your bag for your water skin, which was tragically empt. The bag and its contents were soaked. You were so sweaty that you hadn't noticed it leaked. Rations melted into a half-powder slurry that oozed into the seams of the emergency tracking beacon, and fried the electronics.

You were going to die. Here lies the Princess of Andrenma, died of a heatstroke on a jungle planet because she's an idiot. You couldn't even muster the energy to cry out of frustration. You wondered briefly if you could re-hydrate yourself by licking the sweat off your arms, then dismissed that thought. You'd rather just die.

You pushed yourself against a tree, letting your head fall back against the bark and closing your eyes. Bugs might crawl in your hair, but you didn't care. Your body was beyond spent, the world so hazy that you barely noticed the footsteps approaching you. You opened one eye to see Maul, standing over you. Sweat soaked, and down to his undershirt like you, but far more composed.

"What are you doing here?" you asked between labored breaths. Maul was far ahead of you during physical training exercises. Always ahead of you.

He knelt down next to you and opened his bag. "We have a project to present in an hour."

"Huh?" was all your microwaved brain could so eloquently manage. It took several seconds of you staring dumbly at Maul before you realized he was talking about the Efficacy of Torture project for your psychology class.

Maul shoved a water skin in your hands before you could respond with your permission for him to take full credit for the project. This one was still full and cool to the touch. Why did he bring two?

You brought the container to your lips and drank in large gulps that stretched your throat. You felt the liquid travel through your body like a menthol salve, cooling your superheated insides. Maul had to pull the water skin from you to keep you from drinking it all.

"Are all humans this weak, or is it just you?" he asked, then unceremoniously dumped some of the water over your head. "The sun on Dathomir would turn you into jerky."

The only rebuttal you could manage was a weak kick to his leg. You closed your eyes and let your head fall back against the tree. The water was lovely against your face, and made you fantasize about the shower you'd take after this. You felt a little bad. Maul probably wanted to shower too. He'd be finished now if it weren't for you. Why was he here again? How did he even find you?

You heard the unzipping of a bag, a crinkle of plastic, and the rustling of leaves next to you. The acrid stench of vinegar jolted you out of your scrambled thoughts, followed by the familiar tingle of bacta mending your skin.

"You don't have to do that," you said, registering Maul as your bacta savior.

"I know."

He didn't look at you, focused on your arms. You'd watched Maul's hands curl around the trigger of a blaster, split skin and crunch bone with powerful, precise punches. Those same hands were gentle against your skin, mindful of their pressure. The touch never hurt. Not once.

Before you knew it, Maul hoisted you back to your feet, your body officially out of "broiled" territory and now "mildly toasted." Neither of you spoke as you trudged your way back to campus. You felt uneasy, teetering on the edge between anxiety and warmth. It was probably the last of the heat exhaustion lingering in your brain.

The nurse droids nearly short circuited at the sight of you and ushered you into the medbay for fluids before you could protest. Maul had to present the project alone and passed with flying colors. He visited you later that evening and settled in the chair next to you, datapad perched in his lap.

"I took full credit."

Time passed strangely after that. You turned fourteen, then fifteen and suddenly Maul was taller than you. The awkward angles of his body filled into lean muscle, the baby fat trimmed off his cheeks. You were hyper-aware of the space he occupied; on the couch by the door, to your left in the hallways, his position on the field during drills. He was as inevitable as the first breath you took in the morning. Not an extension of you, because you didn't know where you ended and Maul began.

You met Volen in your Politics and Espionage class the year you turned sixteen. They were the kind of person with their own gravitational pull. Beautiful in a way that appealed to all; timeless, and neither masculine nor feminine.

You became fast friends, traded notes, and laughed loudly in the hallways between your shared classes. But you were one of many in their rotation of friends, not drawn too close nor pushed too far. Welcome company to fill in the spaces when Maul was absent.

Volen was a better fighter than you. They'd pin you in the training ring and laugh, hauling you back to your feet by your wrist, only to knock your legs out from underneath you. You didn't mind losing to them because they made training fun, and not the agonizing task your body carried for days after.

Between the grappling and easy banter, you felt the prickle of someone watching you. Brief, but just enough to catch your focus, and land your face against the mat. You called it quits after that.

"Your friend doesn't like me," Volen said with a wry grin after they helped you up. They tipped their chin and you followed it. Maul leaned against the far end of the wall where he always waited for you, arms crossed. You caught him as he switched his gaze between you and Volen, then he looked away and rolled his shoulders.

"No, he's just like that," you looked back to Volen. "Staring is kinda his thing."

"Oh, I know it is," they said, and clapped you on the shoulder. "But he was glaring, not staring. Probably fantasizing about all the ways he wants to kill me."

You laughed it off then because Volen was dramatic, but they had been right. They usually were, you were just unwilling to admit that you didn't know the language of Maul's stares as well as you thought. Because something had shifted in him in those weeks and Maul's mood hadn't changed. It wasn't teenage hormones, because you thought that was above him in some way. You seemed to be the catalyst, a live wire that shocked him every time he was close, but Maul never stayed away. You didn't understand it. You stopped trying.

"Spar with me."

Maul's proposal shocked you. You two rarely sparred because he so easily outclassed you, and the suggestion came out of nowhere. They were the first words out of his mouth when you met him in the hallway after class— by the water fountains, like always.

"Okay, but why?"

"You have bad habits," he explained, already walking ahead, expecting you to follow. You did. "You need someone to challenge you."

You scoffed. "Every fight is challenging for me, but whatever."

The wind was knocked out of you as you slammed onto the mat. Barely a second passed before Maul hauled you back onto your feet. He was quick and aggressive, but you were smaller and nimble. You dodged his punches within a hair's breadth of their landing. He feigned a kick— you anticipated it and slipped the right hook that followed.

But anticipating Maul and matching him were two different beasts. He had the strength and speed of a warrior forged from birth. Every match ended the same way: you on your back, groaning in pain, Maul grabbing your hand to drag you up and do it all over again.

"You are predictable," he said flatly by the fourth time he knocked you down. "Try again."

You didn't have the space to answer before Maul was on you. But there was plenty of space inside you that boiled in frustration.

You couldn't beat him, but you could catch him.

You didn't dodge the next time Maul tackled you. You hooked your thighs around his neck, his right arm trapped against your chest— that was a move Volen taught you. And for one fleeting, triumphant second, you caught him off guard.

But Maul was the top student for a reason. He stood, and you, still clamped around his neck, rose with him like you weighed nothing. Like you were an afterthought. Maul was showing off, you could see it on his stupid face.

And now neither of you would win. You'd make sure of it.

He tried to shake you loose. A sharp jerk meant to throw you off, but you were stubborn and clamped down harder. Your weight swung, Maul's balance with it, and both of you came tumbling down.

The mat punched the air out of your lungs, forcing you to let go. The momentum pulled Maul forward and right on top of you.

Neither of you moved.

Maul's weight pressed you into the floor, his heat soaking through the thin jumpsuit where your bodies met. You swore you could feel the roar of his twin hearts thrumming with your own, single human beat. He was close enough that you could see him properly. A bead of sweat on his temple, the webs of gnarled skin where his horns erupted.

Maul hesitated. He never hesitated; always still and poised to strike like a viper. But the person above you, a boy, not a predator, looked nervous. You could see the tension in his shoulders, his eyes manically flicking between yours. Then it was gone. Cold air rushed over your body as Maul pushed himself from you and stood to his feet.

"We're done."

You propped yourself on your elbows while Maul backed away several steps, refusing to look at you. For reasons unknown to you, it made your heart sink.

Maul was already tucked into his spot on the couch when you arrived that evening. Not looking up or offering a quick greeting was normal, but the silence from him was suffocating. He was hunched over his datapad, scrolling in a way that you knew was mindless. He was stewing and you couldn't ask why, no matter how much you wanted to. But you needed to do something.

There was a half empty bag of spiced nerf jerky stuffed in the couch. You bent over the back, fished it out from the hole, and tossed it over to Maul. He caught it without looking. For a moment you thought he might throw it back at you and storm out like he did when you were twelve. The thought scared you because Maul hadn't walked away from you in years. He was always where you needed him— by your side, around the corner, sat in his spot on the couch. But Maul didn't throw the bag back or leave. He turned it over and placed it beside him. It was…better than nothing, you supposed.

You sat propped up against the arm on your side of the couch, stretched your sore legs out in front of you, and rested them in Maul's lap. That'd been something you bickered about years ago, when either you grew too tall or Maul too muscular and touching each other became unavoidable. You always napped on the couch, and he got tired of your cold feet pressing against his thighs. So, you draped your calves across Maul's lap one day, your feet touching the other side of the cushion. He didn't move, and that became the compromise. The silence and his warmth lulling you into years of cozy, evening cat naps.

The silence hadn't been comfortable lately. You felt a buzzing in your gut every time you were around Maul; like anticipating the drop on a theme park ride that never came. You didn't know what to do with it, but you felt like something would snap.

You were stirred from your light doze when he spoke.

"I do not know what I am doing…"

It was so quiet, you were unsure if you'd imagined it at first. The muscles in Maul's thighs were tense. You didn't open your eyes and didn't dare to move, afraid that he would be reminded of your presence and run off.

Without a chrono, you had no idea how much time passed— maybe a few minutes, maybe an hour. Eventually, you heard Maul sigh, the one he used when he was tired and frustrated. To your surprise, you felt warmth encapsulate one of your ankles, and realized it was his hand. Your heart jolted, which didn't make sense because you were already touching him. Touching Maul was normal. You had been friends for years.

You couldn't fall back asleep and eventually pretended to wake up. Your gut told you that Maul knew you were faking, but he never mentioned it.

Something shifted after that day in the ring. The days were the same on the surface— classes, training, studying, Maul's datapad, your books. But you felt his presence sizzle in a room like a match you struck with your teeth. The energy was aggravating and thrilling— and you lived suspended in that dichotomy for the better part of a year.

You caught yourself observing him in a way you thought only artists did. The sharpened lines of his jaw, the proud bridge of his nose. You noticed the thick veins overhanging Maul's tendons; knobby knuckles bulging underneath ruby-red skin, calloused and scarred from battle and ink. You traced the bump in his throat down to the dip between his collarbones— the jagged tattoos across his strong pectorals visible when his shirt collar hung low enough.

And you caught Maul watching you more than once as well. Sometimes he looked away too late. Sometimes, not at all. It made you conscious of the state of your hair and the way your jumpsuit hugged your figure. Which was stupid. Maul had been with you through every awkward growth spurt, hormonal breakout, and overzealous eyebrow plucking. He knew what you looked like and didn't care. Probably. What did you look like through Maul's eyes?

The realization that you even cared dawned on you one morning while getting ready for class. Not a dramatic, grand revelation, but from a simple, mundane thought while you decided between the star shaped hydrocolloid patches or transparent ones.

Which would Maul like better?

And the entire galaxy might as well have collapsed on you in that singular moment. You cared what Maul thought because you liked him more than a friend. You noticed his veins and the shape of his nose because he was handsome.

You wanted to scream. You couldn't stop smiling. You wanted to vomit.

You'd invented a new sensation: vibrating out of your skin. Like someone trapped a swarm of angry wasps in a flask and shook it for thirty seconds. Classes were busy, but the day passed slowly. You were convinced you'd combust in your Chemistry of Mind-Altering Drugs class, but you made it through. At what cost, though? Because now you had to face Maul in the hideaway. You couldn't avoid it, because he'd find you. You couldn't be late, because he'd notice.

You just had to act normal. Nothing had changed. Don't be stupid.

Maul was there when you arrived, buried in his datapad, like always. You dumped your bag next to his, rummaging through the clutter for your study material. You paused when your cosmetic pouch came into view. Should you put on lip balm? No. Stupid.

You plopped down on your normal spot, powering on your datapad. You read the same sentence about the various uses of Glitterstim about four times, absorbing none of it. Were you sweating? The room was cold, you had to be imagining it. You tugged on your shirt anyway.

You didn't look at Maul but noticed his every shift, the gentle tap of his fingers on the datapad, the breath he took. The issue was that not looking at him was obvious, and Maul had a freak intuition that you couldn't hide anything from.

His fingers stilled and you felt his gaze on you. When you looked up, he was watching you over the top of his datapad.

"What?" you asked, too fast and too defensive.

Maul's eyes moved over you, assessing the grinding of your jaw and the tension in your shoulders. You tried to keep your face neutral, and relaxed the white knuckled grip you had on your datapad. But it was useless. You knew it. Maul knew it. He had every quirk of your personality catalogued. This was unavoidable.

"You are acting strange," Maul said flatly. He placed his datapad to the side.

"No, I'm not."

"It is useless to lie to me," his words were pointed, but not sharp. "Something is bothering you. What is it?"

That was the million credit question, wasn't it? You couldn't tell him that he was the most beautiful person you'd ever seen. That he was your best friend, and you might be in love with him and hadn't realized it until this morning. You couldn't ask him if he thought you were pretty because you didn't even know if he found humans attractive.

You opened your mouth but every word died in your throat. Maul was staring at you, expecting an answer. You couldn't give him one. You didn't know what to do. So you moved, pushed yourself on your hands and knees, leaned across the couch, and kissed him.

You pressed a little too hard, your noses squished together. Maul's lips were dry, but not cracked, and he was warm. It was nice.

You leaned back after a few seconds and dared to open your eyes. Maul wore an expression that took you a second to register: shock. His eyes were a pale shade of green, and you could see yourself in the reflection of his irises. Your face was flushed and your pulse pounded in your ears. Maul was frozen. You feared you broke him and shattered everything you two built over the past five years.

He wouldn't move, it had to be you. Always had to be you.

"Say something-"

Maul kissed you— he leaned forward and kissed you. This one was softer, still awkward, but more sure of itself. You relaxed into it, and mutually pulled away after several seconds, but stayed close enough to feel each other's breath.

You giggled not out of joy but release— that buzzing anticipation in your gut finally gone. And Maul felt lighter, he even looked peaceful. Content. You noticed he was the same shade of red as always, while your cheeks burned. That wasn't fair; Zabraks needed a tell too. You'd find it. He also didn't have eyelashes, which was funny.

"Why are you laughing?" Maul asked softly.

You shook your head. "I just noticed you don't have eyelashes."

Maul laughed, a soft, short sound, but a laugh nonetheless.

You didn't need to talk about what happened on the couch because everything that came after was so natural. The routine was still the same— classes, training, studying, Maul's datapad, and your books. The third kiss was easier and shared before you parted ways to the dorms that night. The fourth that next evening as soon as the hideaway door closed. You stopped counting after that. But you kissed during the pauses of your study sessions, in the courtyard during lunch when no one was looking, and when your evening naps evaded you.

Maul was lighter and smiled more, which still wasn't often. But you'd see it when you caught him staring at you. The shift was noticeable enough even to your classmates. You learned Volen had a betting pool that you two would get together by the end of the year. Volen won three hundred credits and bought you a box of condoms, which mortified you. They laughed.

Maul let you rest your legs in his lap like always, except now, he'd occasionally hold your ankle. Sometimes your calf or knee, and lately a little higher. You still had to learn his tells the way blushing was yours. You wanted to ask him if it was okay if you called him pet names— if you could hold his hand in the hallway, or go on a date off world. You had so many plans, none of them urgent. It had only been two weeks. You thought you had time.

Around three am one night, the RA woke you up to inform you that your sister was dead, and an escort was there to take you home.

You didn't remember what she said after that. Something about your mother and a transport, maybe. Your body moved on its own. The RA offered to help you pack your bag, but you dismissed her, politely. Your sister was dead. You repeated it to yourself until the words felt fake. Your sister was dead.

You shoved your stuff in a bag with the bathroom as the only source of light. You didn't remember if you brushed your teeth. Your sister was dead, and there was a planet's worth of grief waiting for you on Andrenma. The escort waited outside your room and offered condolences

"I'm so sorry for your loss, your Highness."

A title that felt foreign to you, and your sister an abstract concept.

You didn't tell Maul because you couldn't. The boys' dormitory was off limits. You had his personal comm, but something tugged at you. You excused yourself for a moment before you registered that your feet carried you to the hideaway in the library.

It was dark and smelled like it always did— of mildew, and old clothes, and the lavender Maul put on the shelf. You tore a page out of one of your notebooks and scribbled:

My sister died. I have to go. I'll be back.

You wanted to write I love you. It felt right, natural, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. That was something you wanted to tell Maul in person. It was part of one of your plans, and you still had time. You'd be back.

You kissed the note instead and placed it on Maul's side of the couch. You felt present in your body for the first time since you'd been woken up. Tears formed in your eyes, but you willed them back because you couldn't afford to let them fall. Then you turned and left.

The academy was dark and silent as you walked past the library, by classrooms and training halls, and outside to the landing pad where the transport awaited.

You didn't look back because you didn't need to. You'd be back. You were seventeen and believed it.