A Random Blog

You just barely survived after four years of being mentally put through a human meat grinder, you're not recognizing the person in the mirror anymore as yourself because that naive farmboy was just erased from existence, and the only happy memory you have as of recent is reconciling with your father moments before he died in your arms

And everyone around you are happy about his death, and all that remains for you is gnawing guilt because you feel like you've been slapped, spat on and gutted personally by the universe itself

You can't even share this feeling with anyone, the loss you carry, the grief over someone you barely knew - grief because you barely knew him, because all this time you could've had a father, you could've had a person who actually gets you, and you were robbed of it by the world you just saved, the very system all your friends are trying to reestablish

Even your sister doesn't get it - she had a loving family of her own, family your father contributed to killing by the virtue of being the part of the Empire, and she's happy that he's gone, because it means there's one monster less in this universe

Nobody understands why you're so sour even though "the bad times are over", nobody understands why you're so withdrawn despite being surrounded by friends, while you live every day of your life with a hole in your chest just trying to get by and not think about it

Because the only person that mattered to you, the person you built your entire life and personality around is gone, and this is your second crisis about it in the last year, just after you started to accept that the idealized version of your father doesn't exist, but you can still have a real one, the one who still cares and wants to be better for you, wants you two to be an actual family

And people are happy about it

People are happy about your loss, people you don't know congratulate you on it like it's an achievement, patting your shoulder and spatting all sorts of profanities in his back - "You must be so happy to finally be rid of this scum hounding you down, how did it feel to kill him? Bet he wasn't even that strong"

Everywhere you go there are people celebrating you not being able to sleep because of nightmares about him dying, and asking you to raise a glass to his suffering in whatever afterlife he ended up being

And all you can do is grit your teeth, make an awkward joke, and tell yourself not to ruin the mood, it's their right to celebrate

And when you're alone - all you can think about is what you could've done differently, doubting you really would make the same choices again if you knew where it leads, because where it leads is you having a second meltdown in a week because you don't know how to cope with this all alone and only person who could help you and guide you is dead

And people are happy about it

And you doubt it will ever get any better

Married the love of my life at 50.

Got my Class A CDL at 59.

You've got time.

Of course, I get feeling like this. I’ve had to learn the hard way who and who not to trust. But if I ignored the people who I could trust and lean on when needed (and let them lean on me when needed) I’d likely be dead. Just the same way that if I had kept on trusting the wrong people, I’d also likely be dead.

@confetti03 🫡🫡🫡

So I know this quote is mostly used for Leia, but it doesn't quite fit, Leia had no familial relationship with Vader to speak of, neither of them knew, anything that tackles their relationship is after he's dead, and I honestly think there's way more into it and complicated feelings.

Now, I think many don't even know from where the quote even originated, and while quotes and poems and things can be used outside the context to apply to something different and recontextualize it to make more sense of it, in this case I THINK is very relevant re: Anakin & Palpatine and it's all on the "I'm his favorite-"

The quote comes from Kate from You, here's another quote from her:

"Your past doesn't scare me. It can't be worse than mine."

Kate is the daughter of one of the most powerful men in the world, he owns a business empire, and like she said, she's his favorite, because she's brilliant, a great strategist, and she's fiercely loyal. She had more siblings, but her father wanted her to inherit the business empire, he considered her a prodigy.

Kate is aloof, cold, unsociable, and feels extreme guilt as well, and for a good reason. She grew in that family and she partook in her father's work. She was the one in charge of a sketchy business diverting toxic waste/contaminated water that ended with a bunch of kids dying or with cáncer, which was what made her want run away and change her name.

Here's another quote from Kate:

When I was young, my mother forbade me from crying. If I skinned my knee. Fuck, when my grandparents died. She wouldn't look at me unless I was perfectly stoic. Hide all feeling, and it just became default

Hmm.

Now, in context of Anakin. He is a prodigy and he is a favorite thing of Palpatine, I have spoke of it before, but Palpatine didn't really need Anakin, he just wanted him as a perfect 'fuck you' and an extra score to rub on the Jedi 's face. Palpatine views Vader as his monster, he does care for him, like a prized golden child. This is pretty much how many abusive parents view their children, a score, something they own, something that Represents them; Anakin as a kid was starved for attention, love and to prove himself, Palpatine took advantage of this to groom him and mold him to his liking.

Kate ultimately decided to run away, and start a new life doing something she likes, however her father keeps trying to make her return -she IS his favorite, after all-, she thinks she has made something for herself, but then her father reveals he has been puppetering everything around her the whole time, the realization breaks her, she never really escaped him, in his twisted worldview he helped her, but is just a giant mouse trap, when all she wanted is independence.

Similarly, Palpatine not only positioned himself as someone that Anakin can trust, he also positioned himself as someone powerful, in control of the republic and the galaxy. When Anakin gains 'a seat' in the council, is because of Palpatine's doing and they -rightfully- suspect of Anakin's motives. When Palpatine talks about the Jedi in the opera scene, Anakin rects by trying to defend the Jedi. When Palpatine first reveals he's the Sith lord, Anakin's first reaction is to draw his lightsaber; what I'm trying to say is that Anakin does push back, he finds comfort on being someone's favorite, he finds comfort in being someone Palpatine cares for, there is some privilege in being the favorite, but this is in conflict with wanting freedom and being seen as a person, he pushes back, he tries, but then he gives up if that means the only person he feels on equal footing and that loves him as a person, is going to die, and Palpatine, who already seems to have so much control over everything, offers him a way. And he makes the wrong choice, he makes the worst choice of his life, and regrets it for the rest of his life too.

However, for the rest of his life he remains as Palpatine's favored pet, he is the general of the imperial army, and he his the guard dog. And that's the only thing he has left because from his view Palpatine really literally controls everything.

In legends Vader tried to attempt against his life and Palpatine wouldn't let him. At some point Vader is probably paranoid of Sheev being able to even read his thoughts. Vader doesn't even have control over his damn suit, he doesn't even know for what some things are.

He stopped eating once and all Palpatine did was to make the med droids add intravenous whateverthehell chemicals to keep him going. He has little control over his own body, but he is still the favorite, and he knows that because he's alive, and keeps trying to prove himself to remain in that place, as evidenced by the many times Palpatine pities him against someone else (inquisitors, assasins, the red guards, a long etc).

I always knew she would be a true philanthropist. She tell you about the time she adopted every single pit bull in a rescue in Los Angeles? Lady's like "Well, pits, they can be a little harder to adopt". Katherine, she's probably 10, she gets this look on her face and then she demands my phone, proceeds to call every one of my contacts and tells them that I'm personally giving them a dog.

Ernesto didn't make remember me a racial aggression of its own, he didn't tarnish the original idea of the song because, at the very least, he never forced the original idea of it away from Hector daughter. She still remembered the song as it was decades later because of this.

Ernesto took remember me and turned into a love song, it became one of his main songs and by the end, it was an spectacle of its own. He took the song and turned into a love song to himself, to his career. The career he killed for. The one thing he cared for more than anything. Of course he would steal a song about being remembered and loved and turn into his main theme. It's fits the narrative, it builds weight, character development whitout needing to spell it out.

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This chapter was done in collaboration with @oonaluna-art and features Luke and Leia from her comic fanfic, Our New Hope.

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Sharing the story of King Kristina, a contradiction always.