Inked up and awesome

i shoot my shot by including you in the fake scenarios in my head before bed

Chefs that cook in front of you at a restaurant are the lap dancers of the fine dining industry

It’s true but you shouldn’t say it.

That take is so hot it’s like it came off a hibachi grill

I guess “sandwich artist” had a hidden meaning all along

OMG everyone I know the ACTUAL story behind the gif this time! Yes, it’s in Australia– that’s a big angry goanna that wandered into a popular restaurant. All the Australians in the vicinity went OH FUCK NO and cleared off, because goannas are mean. The waitress you see there is a French exchange student, who was quoted as saying something to the effect of “I thought it was a weird ugly dog” and had no idea it was a reptile that wanted to rip her arms off. She’s been hailed as a hero who saved diners.

It’s amazing what power “not knowing” has.

The thing I especially love about this is this is a pretty dangerous animal, except she managed to defeat it by just fucking grabbing it by the tail and walking too quickly for it to turn around. Once again the animal kingdom is thwarted because we evolved opposable thumbs, long limbs, and reckless bravery.

weird, ugly dog thwarted by foreign exchange student and polished floors 

my take-home lesson here is that nobody in france has ever first-hand seen a dog

no no, french dogs just be like that

unrecognizable force VS ignorant object

the comments on this get better and better every time it comes across my dash

HELLO?

ii but he sexy as fuck tho he could be my gangster penguin ill be his bird 

I FINLAY FOUND THIS POST AGAIN

guys ive seen this before and it makes me so happy you all need to see it too

imagined King Julian dancing and had to reblog 😍

That is the most accurate human king Julian I’ve EVER seen, I love all of these!

VERY NIcE

Where are the other penguin humansonas?

Private looks like Dan Howell

That last comment made me snort out loud omg

WHERE IS MELMAN THIS IS AN OUTRAGE

IM LIVING

PREMIUM CONTENT

Well damn

WAIT THERE ARE MORE

@spiritspodcast

*french tucks pajama shirt into sweatpants* for tan france

I'm a simple girl, is it too much to ask for a broody handsome suitor to stroll across a field, in the morning fog at dawn, to tell me that I've bewitched them body and soul, and that they love me and never wish to be parted from me from that day on.