Scattered Mind

So, I stay steady… My finger curled around the trigger, as the seconds tick away, bada-boom bada-boom bada-boom until it comes time to whisper fire...

that I wake up thinking of you. When I go to brush my teeth, I remember how you use to leave water all over the sink; I miss soaking bits of my shirt and sighing at that water. Now, my shirt stays dry - the one you gave me. I wear it and hope that somehow I’ll feel the squeeze of your arms wrapping around me, chin resting on my head. I still can’t sleep in the middle of the bed; I turn to the window pretending that if I can’t see your side then it won’t be empty, and that you’ll still be beside me. When my eyes close, trust that I fall asleep thinking of you.

Review coming soon! 📚💡

The thing is, Ace may be my External, but it turns out that I’m his

FOREVER IS JUST A BLINK ——————————– When you’re away, it screams at me when the sun seeps through the open spaces that can never quite fill in your absence, but nothing compares to the seconds that turn to minutes, hours, a lifetime before I see you appear, and it all falls away; the distance visible and no longer counted by sun rises and sets; the moments that you want to last forever are the ones that race by too quickly, and you wish it would just slow down, and you stop looking; instead, you listen to each heartbeat, the only true measure of time.

Newton's first law: an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity until acted on by an external force. I never expected Ace to be an external. No one is really at rest anymore, not since our minds filled with questions. Attempts were made, of course, to regain our period of rest - meditation, yoga, drugs - but humanity has become too restless. It is no longer in our nature to remain at rest. So we continue to move, thinking of how we can change and the paths we'll journey down, yet always alert to the speed of the ones before us. Some people never get hit by an external, others by many. I thought I'd had my share, but then Ace came. I tried to steer clear of him, but externals are persistant. He forced me to stop. Newton's second law: the power of an external force is calculated by the mass of an object multiplied by acceleration, F=ma. Ace was never supposed to be part of the equation. It didn't make any sense. His mass did not equate to the weight of the words the hung heavy in the air after leaving chapped, bleeding lips and settling into my mind. But then again, perhaps it was me, tiny and fragile, that allowed him to become an external. The acceleration of it all snatched the air from my lungs. He thrusted me forward at a speed I knew not how to control. Newton's third law: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The thing is, Ace may be my external, but it turns out that I'm his.

There comes a moment in life when you suddenly realize everything has changed, you've changed. The best bit? When, after all the tears, you accept it without fear and let it fill you - entirely. And you smile.

The final product of a literary magazine that I worked on over the past year. Selected & edited all submissions & designed the entire book. All the work that went into creating this was beyond worth it! So happy with the result :)

Your smile laced with endorphins, hypnotizing heartbeat, temperature rising, skin on skin, oxytocin. Neurons firing, electricity, when you're inside me, overdosing on you, my addiction.

Wind blew in from the south late in the night to sing the leaves to sleep. A gentle whisper that grew when, like a child, they resisted trembling with anger, “No! Just another hour!” Wind is a strict mother stripping the leaves sending them home to rest. Bare bark exposed when he is left on his own. Sends out an invitation to the white ash that will cling to his skin, cover up the mother’s crimes, as her children decay beneath their lover. The lucky ones, burned, after failed attempts to flee. Their flesh rising towards clouds, they hope to one day fall and meet him again, always forgetting that mother watches – even white ash bends to wind.

Caught in my throat lips sealed shut, swallow the truth, replace it with lies -  a laugh, a smile. Forget desires of warmth, his hands  wrapped around mine. Lips curl, eyes sparkle in an exchange of words unspoken. Two souls speak louder in this silence than words ever could.

Kristy B.