One of the hardest challenges in writing is trying to balance the message with the story.
Not all stories have an intentional moral, but all stories have messages. They take place in a world that isn't the real world, but how you see the world, meaning you can't escape your own subjectivity slipping in. If someone with a very different worldview reads it, they'll find it off-putting and call it woke or problematic or whatever word they use for "stuff with messages I don't like." That's a feature; there's no helping it. Trying to filter out all message entirely will ruin the work.
So it's better to be conscious about the messages in the book to make sure they're what you want. At the same time, you can also ruin a book by putting too much message in, or putting it in awkwardly.
Consider The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe:
But as soon as she reached it she heard steps in the passage outside, and then there was nothing for it but to jump into the wardrobe and hold the door closed behind her. She did not shut it properly because she knew that it is very silly to shut oneself into a wardrobe, even if it is not a magic one.
This is a fine thing to do in a kids' book, but adult readers will be annoyed by it. They don't need to be told not to try things at home. If you stop the story dead to say "remember, they didn't use a condom because it was 1700, but in real life you always should!" the reader is just gonna be pissed off that you thought it needed to be said.
Another way of being preachy is to make all main characters role models, and everything they say is actually your point of view. If Doctor McCoy pointedly says "and of course, I would never drink alcohol to excess!" you will get readers going "he would not fucking say that" because he wouldn't. You have failed to make the character a character, in favor of making the character your mouthpiece.
The frustrating thing here is that enough readers are bad enough at reading that they will sometimes cancel you for having characters who are characters instead of message mouthpieces. All I can say is, you can't write for them, because if you do, you'll lose all the actually thoughtful readers who want to see unique, flawed people inhabiting your world.
My preferred way to put message in is by letting it shape the plot. I don't say putting it into the plot. It goes there automatically when you write a story that takes place in the world as you perceive it. For instance, if you genuinely believe that kindness can change the world, you're likely to write stories where people being kind makes a big difference. Project Hail Mary was meant to be "apolitical," and yet you can see it takes place in a world where humanity working together can save the day. Another author might have written about nations squabbling over the details until the sun went out, because they see the world more pessimistically.
You can screw this one up when you don't think things through, or sometimes when you have subconscious beliefs you haven't examined, or old beliefs you don't endorse anymore. Or sometimes it's just that the plot gets you into a corner, or you're mimicking other books in the genre. For example, maybe you don't believe torture works, but you write a scene where torture produces useful intelligence, just because that happens a lot in other books. Or you believe trans identities are valid but you made a book where magic is heavily determined by assigned sex, because you forgot to think about what trans people might do in this universe.
This is where sensitivity readers are helpful. Not to just point and say you're being problematic, but to ask, "Hey, does this actually represent your worldview, or did it blunder in by accident?" Betas and critique partners are also helpful in catching ways you undermine your intended message with other messages.
Sometimes people will simply misunderstand, because your message is subtle. It is really up to you how to calibrate it. There is no amount of obviousness that can prevent anyone from an uncharitable reading; likewise there's no amount of subtlety that won't stop people who don't like the message from calling it preachy. So try to write a good book, and set the "message meter" where you want. Consider books you have really enjoyed with good messages, and how subtle or unsubtle they were.
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