Protect him

Today I learned how to hack unmonitored CCTV cameras. I’m currently watching a dog run around in a backyard in Berlin.

update: i found a barn cam that has a horsie in it and i’m in poland AND i have audio output so i can talk to the horsie

update: THERE’S TWO HORSIES AND ONE OF THEM IS A BABY

This is the most innocent hack ever

Scottish insults are some of my favorite things in the whole of human language.

IM CRYING I lost it at cocksplat

Shitgibbon

Oh man lmao

What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us?

My science teacher said he thinks that’s true actually

Yeah this is actually pretty much exactly what is going on. It’s why anti-oxidants are such a big deal. Bonus fact: oxygen oxidizes stuff in your cells or, in other words, it’s not toxic, just setting you on fire very very slowly.

What if there are aliens out there but they subsist on entirely different substances and they’re just scared as shit of us and our crazy ass hell planet? Once in a while some alien anthropologist type suggests checking out the people on this inhabited planet out towards the galaxy’s edge. The other aliens just look at the naive academic with horror. No!! We do not go to that world. That is where the DEATH BREATHERS live. They recreationally consume poisons and are more or less composed of biological fire. Their atmosphere is made of rocket fuel. We must leave the DEATH BREATHERS in peace. Do not go there. Do not.

I tend to always reblog posts about humans being terrifying weirdos to aliens.

@brainsforbabyjesus

OH HOW I LOVE THIS POST. It makes me so much happier about being alive. I AM BURNING VERY SLOWLY. *hugs it*

god bless nicole richie 

Titty men are more relationship oriented. Ass men be certified hoes.

My friend said she thinks the reason why I always wind up dating water signs is bc water signs are searching for mother figures which they see in my big tiddies idk tho

I’m a water sign and I can confirm that big tittys bring me peace and comfort.

jesus christ i’ve been waiting for this

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

And one more time... @amberrairplanee