get a little bit Kingus Mingus

in the future humans will have something called "sinus button " and pressing it will immediately drain your sinuses of all fluid so that it can be filled with other things like rocks, webs, paint, tar, freef (new fluid that will be so important in that time) and also dr papper

#hope #hopepunk #positivity #utopia #dreamworld

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

I heard they were planning to make an Off-Broadway one-man show of 'The Shining', but the story was just going to be from Jack Torrance's point-of-view only and cut everything with his boy, Danny. Thankfully, this idea was canned for being too boring. It would seem all Jack and no boy, makes play a dull work.

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

we're straight up dithering and greebling your boyfriend lol

it is not actually hard to see that a trans girl is going to be a girl in a story if you dont hate or actively avoid thinking about women. you too can develop this skill by caring about them in real life and not just when they are characters. and talking to them even

'how did you know this' every single girl ive been friends with for the last four years has looked at both of those characters and went god shes so me and i was like interesting. tell me more. instead of telling them they were seeing faces in tree bark. because i remember what it was like to be transgender and have no one listen to or care about me so why the fuck would i do that to them

i dont know what love island is but from what ive heard its like danganronpa for people that use snapchat

drink like a Oaf, smoke like a Churl, fuck like a Knave