baffled ♕ queen

{OutofNightmares}

I really thought this over heavily. I had plans on returning here but after really doing some digging, I don't think I will for the time being. This experience for me while I had the partners I had was amazing. I loved it and all of you.

But past experiences have managed to squash my love for writing. I don't have it anymore and I've cried over it and stressed over it but I can't do that anymore.

Maybe the urge will hit me again one day who knows. For now I'll stick to cosplaying (I'm on TikTok - XStarChildX) and finding other new hobbies. For those of you who wish to keep contact with me, I'm on discord you can message me for that info but also Instagram (both normal and for cosplay).

Also a warning. ive learned that manipulation comes in all shapes and sizes. Friends. Lovers. Ect.

. I had allowed myself to play a role that I hadn't auditioned for I'd been forced into an untrue narrative and didn't want to fix it because of the possible outcome.

But now? The end needed to happen and I need to cut ties with it all.

Do not think you deserve any sort of abuse. Know you are worthy of love and care. Seek help where you can. Reach out. Don't give up. Remember also you can only help those who want to be helped.

I can't bring myself to get rid of my blog but I believe I am going to leave. I am elsewhwere on tumblr too!

@xthetravelerx or @xsolutox

{OutofNightmares} Thank you. I know other people out there are hurting far worse than I am but I can't deny it was soul crushing to hear the news.

Also thank you some more but that drama is over and done with~ I promise I put an end to that toxic mess.

{outofnightmares} Oop! My friend!

{outofnightmares} Awe hiya! I got answers for you! Let's clear this up!

{OutofNightmares} It's okay M ♥️ Thanks for letting me know it's really you and thanks for the kind words. You have no idea how much they meant to me ♥️

I do want to state: 

Thanks to everyone who continues to be here for me. I’d like to say yes, I found out who the imposter was (it was not easy) yes I’m actually heart broken. And I think it’s safe to say though that I’ve moved on from that and I’ve also learned that some people will never ever be able to see past themselves. Everyone else is always to blame. They will downplay your trauma and/or worse but, there’s no need for me to hold onto that anymore. I’ve found out the truth, I can now heal from it and be done. I have never felt better. I haven’t felt this good in years!  <3

@xleitmotif

One year. She had promised him one year, that’s all he had to do. It was a requirement from the court that while they say Kai’s mother as unfit to care for him, Vittoria simply couldn’t sweep in and steal him away. There were conditions.

Always conditions.

Kai never did care to know too much about Vittoria. She was kind, even when he wasn’t. Despite her failed attempts at cooking, he was always fed. Always safe. And despite his occasional disbelief, always loved. Not the type of love she vocally reminds him of, but the kind when he catches her watching him with that dopey little smile on her face. Or when she buys him new gloves or slips his favorite sweets into his lunch bag. 

And there was no way, and in no words that he could explain that in the court of law. Honestly who could? What they really wanted was her past addresses. Documentation that should be standard and that...well...that every person should have right? Social security number. Birth certificate? She had tried to plead with them that having come from a similar upbringing she had no access to any of those documents. 

“Then he’ll go into a foster home until you can prove who you are.” 

A year, she whispered into his hair before he had to part from her. She must’ve felt it in the tremor of his hands, or the rapid rise and fall of his chest under her leather gloved hands because she said, killing them won’t make this better. 

Consequence Time

@vitiatasxinficit @infelixxanima

It hadn’t been very long since Ciel Phantomhive had brought Castiel back as some weird sort of present for what Cas had finally figured out was a Knight of hell- thanks to a witch who lived there. He learned a lot of little secrets from Vittoria; like how to avoid the Earl on his bad days or how to hide in the shadows of the hallways when panic seemed ready to tear one apart; even how to manipulate the Knight into changing topics if he helped out perfectly in the tasks he was assigned.

But Vittoria hadn’t told him about Grell; a fiery Reaper who carried around a chainsaw scythe and doted on Sebastian any chance they could get.

Grell seemed innocent; perhaps a bit over the top of anything. But even with the damage Castiel had taken from years of prior ownership he couldn’t find any real malice or danger in Grell. So when she offered to take him out of the manor and off the property itself to go swim in the pond just through a clearing of trees Cas didn’t hesitate to accept the offer. Getting to the pond was easy; but Cas slowed them down considerably each time the tramped through flowers and vegetation full of colors he hadn’t seen in decades. Grell had to keep a firm hold of his hand and drag him along after a while; figuring the Knight would come thrashing about soon enough for his belonging. But he seemed to know enough of what Castiel had probably been through and he figured a “day at the beach” had been earned.

Playing in the water freely, Cas barely even payed attention to Grell while she bathed in the sunlight pouring down on them both; of course he was instantly aware of the Knights presence the moment he arrived. But Cas refused to get out of the water— showing signs of rebellion for the first time in … too long. When instructed to get out again Cas merely shook his head no and sunk beneath the water till only his eyes were showing; peeking at the Knight as if sticking his tongue out to say he couldn’t catch him. But Cas underestimated the Knight because when Sebastian strode firmly into the water and grabbed him by the arm Cas felt a sort of flame lick the insides of his chest. Frustration maybe— or perhaps just mischief? “I don’t want to go back.” He pulled back against Sebastian’s grip, his eyes a mix of blues swirling around a faint line of purple. “Grell said we earned today— I’m not. Going. Back—!” He yanked so hard he pulled Sebastian down into the water right on top of him.

And for the first time in centuries; Castiel laughed, his eyes crinkling up and his color warm and healthy. Until the ferocity of red eyes locked on him and he shrunk back momentarily. He knew that look; previous owners had it. He was in trouble trouble. He didn’t want to think about what the demon would do to him when they arrived back at the mansion.

Castiel stood shivering in the cold air of the wide open bathroom; his clothes replaced with boring, plain colored wear that seemed to be for the staff at bedtime. Water still dropped from his hair and eyelashes, the soft dripping noise all he heard aside from Sebastian seemingly screaming an endless tirade at the Reaper just down the hall. When the silence sunk in Cas found himself just staring at his feet before he pulled the shirt off- maybe in subconscious preparation of what always happened to him with other owners. He traced the lines of old faded sigils that had been burned, singed, and carved into his chest over the years; looking for a place the Knight would be able to leave his own marking. He wondered if it would hurt or if the Knight had some special skill to just leave a sigil in the skin without even feeling it.

When the door opened Cas caught a glimpse of warm amber eyes and then resumed his position of his arms at his side and his head bowed slightly. “Are you going to —“ he couldn’t bring himself to ask the word. He hated how it sounded. He hated how it felt to be punished and used and… hurt. He hated all of it. But this was his existence now and he understood he was purchased for that exact thing. “Are you going to hurt me now or after you finish?”

Furious would not begin to explain the fire behind those eyes. Grell had received the worst of him for multiple reasons. One? Castiel was special. Grell hadn’t comprehended that and so taken Castiel from the safety of those walls out into the open, beyond the protection of the estate. Two, because Grell could handle him at his worse. Perhaps today was worse than the others, and Grell couldn’t even argue back with him, or flirt her way out this ordeal. Or maybe a clue that he was, perhaps out of bounds, was the fact that the witch they had obtained as well sat in a window ledge and observed the situation...and didn’t interject at all. 

So yes, when Sebastian stormed into Castiel’s room, sliding off his tail coat and rolling up his pressed white sleeves, he knew he was in a foul mood that was uncalled for and would find himself offering some sort of apology to the red haired reaper much later, but he didn’t think he’d been that bad. 

Amber eyes stare at the angel before actually taking him in, the rumbling anger in his chest dissipating just a bit. He was an odd one that was for sure, but to lay eyes on those markings always make Sebastian curious. The words leave for suggestion unspeaking acts that he assumes Sebastian plans to commit. There’s a rumble and a growl that seems to rip through the knight at the same time making him sound old and ancient and dangerous. Each step forward is measured as he approaches Castiel and reaches to pick up the discarded shirt. 

He shakes it out, and brushes off the dirt as if it were the perfect distraction until his growling subsided to something minimal. When he’s not quite on the brink of being violent his hand shoots out, grips Castiel by the chin and tilts it up as if to inspect him.

      “Why would I defile you? Is that what you want? Want me to strip you down and push you up against the wall and use you? Or do you want me to help you put your shirt on and take you down for dinner. Because i intended to take you downstairs for dinner. I know normally I keep you up here for that but if you must sneak off with Grell just because, then perhaps it’s been i begin integrating you with the rest of them.z’ 

Broken Hymnals

for @infelixxanima @vitiatasxinficit

The night wrapped around him like a sheet of black, climbing through the ivy vines and the fence of thorny vines right after. Coughing up dark red; fingers scraping through hard clay and rock Cas let out a scream of defiance and defeat- blindsided by a maze of lightning whites and speckled rainbows.

“You in there?” Ciel mockingly knocked against Castiels forehead. “I asked you what happened to them?” He was careful, but not overly with how he held up the splinted wings he’d coaxed rather easily from the ethereal plane the angel had hidden them in.

“I escaped; they were broken as punishment when I was recaptured. They’ve been tied together so they won’t heal correctly… to hinder flight and discourage further escape attempts.” Cas answered idly, the flashback still fresh in his thoughts as he answered the young man who’d purchased him. “Should I undress here now, or would you prefer I wait until we’ve arrived in your bedroom?” a brow raised in curiosity before scrunching together in a soft scowl when the young man laughed at him.

“You’re not for me.” Ciel rolled his eyes, flipping a rather large knife from his pocket and approaching Cas who went still as a board. A soft wheeze lingered on his tongue as he felt the metal against the stiff splints sewn into his wings; but suddenly the pressure snapped; the clanking of wire and boards hitting the floor alongside his feet. His wings disappeared instantly; a soft exhale of relief falling from his lips when they did. “There. That’s better- I want them to heal properly. After all, you are my property. You’ll know when to undress.” He smirked before just walking away and leaving Cas to the confusion of the empty room. Castiel supposed Ciel was right though, a tall jet black haired man with warm auburn tinted red eyes waltzed in and seemed to take control of the entire room at once.

Without so much as a breath or a blink Cas just slowly started to unbutton his shirt; this was the man he’d been purchased for. Cas knew it in the way the man gazed at him.

Ethereal is the only way for Sebastian to describe him. He should’ve known by Ciel’s little evil smirk that he had something unholy up his sleeves. A gift, Ciel had said. He’d purchased him a wonderful little gift and left it in the spare bedroom for him to retrieve. 

Oh, there were so very many red flags in just those few words alone. 

Prepared to deal with whatever thing the Phantomhive lord had snuck into the estate, he stepped into the room with a flare of hell smoke. What he saw was not what he expected. 

What happened next was equally as shocking. 

       “Stop.”

It was low command, his eyes growing dark. First, he’d kill Ciel for doing something so heinous. Purchasing an angel was one thing, but it looked as if this one in particular had a rough go of it and Ciel had made no moves to provide him with any comfort save for the barren items in the room. 

He should just step out. There is enough going on now that the last thing he needed was...a pet. Was this what Ciel intended for him to have? A play thing? The thought made his skin absolutely crawl. He was a demon, sure, and he’d done plenty a foul thing as well, but the world was turning in on itself. Hell consuming every waking inch of land. 

The angels didn’t stand a chance. They fell, right into the hands of their enemies. They were broken and bent to Hell’s will. And even Sebastian could see that the power imbalance would lead to the fall of the Earth as they saw it now. 

“You’re so dumb… Maybe you should start with one thing at a time. And don’t keep everything on the highest setting. Jeez… I’m a kid and even I know that much.”

Kai is moving toward the stove, really getting a good look at the mess. The sauce had boiled right down into…a blackened mess. What the hell was she doing? No wonder the alarm went off.

“You suck at this. No deal.”

She will admit, the high heat was perhaps the wrong idea. But Kai was going to be home from school and she absolutely wanted to provide the most domestic setting she could. This shouldn’t be so hard, but it’s important she gets this right. Otherwise, what is the point of Kai sticking around if she can’t even manage cooking?

Perhaps she got ahead of herself, that’s for sure. She stands with him, surveying the damage. She’s got enough ingredients to try again however, and she makes up her mind that she is. Pushing up her sleeves she reaches out and grabs the pot with the ungodly mess in it and heads for the trash can. 

      “Alright, give me an hour and a half. If I can’t manage dinner, you can chose take out for tonight. I am going to get this right.” 

       “I actually don’t,” she answers, leaning on her hand and abandoning her work in favor of conversation with Lilli. “I’m a neutral party, so while I’ve laid hands on the gates of Heaven, and walked the hot cobblestone of Hell, I prefer not to dabble in their ritualistic theologies of worship.” 

A faint blush colors Lilli’s cheeks as she covers herself with her robe. It is only Vittoria and they are intimately familiar with each other’s bodies. Even so, shy modesty has Lilli affixing the satin fabric tightly around her frame for the time being.

“Welcome home, Vitto.” Now that Lilli has sufficiently dried from her bath and covered herself, she crosses the room to greet Vittoria with a kiss. “Are you hungry? I can go down to the kitchen and cook you something. The staff has retired for the night and I don’t want to wake them.” 

Which has Lilli picking up Vittoria’s suitcase to unpack. “You were safe coming home, yes?”

Ah, there’s that blush.

She welcomes the kiss, reaches to keep it, drag it out because honestly there’s no need to rush, but to her dismay, soft sweet lips leave hers hungry for more. 

Are you hungry?

The noise she makes is inhuman, although one Lilli should know all to well. Her hand lazily reaches out, grabs the ties of her silk robe and give them a gentle yet expert tug. It comes undone if only just a bit and Vittoria’s eyes roam. 

      “Mmm? I’m starving,” she offers.  They can get to the details of her trip later but right now, she wanted Lilli. 

There’s no need to play coy, and yet she allows such a grin to crawl across her lips in amusement. 

        “Long enough.”