W R E N

Sure, maybe my love is a sin. But I have to believe that God is far more forgiving to someone who loved in the wrong way than someone who hates in any way at all.

if I had 20 minutes of free time I would be cutting my my own hair. literally the only thing stopping me is the stress of 4 unfinished assignments

Just had a panic attack for the first time in my life :)

I'm officially getting my spark back (going back to writing my Lego Batman fanfiction)

I know it's getting bad again when I start writing like it's me breathing

I love treating my tumblr like a diary

I don't understand what's so wrong with me that no one wants to be my friend. I have friends, sure, but only a handful, and none that I'm really close to. I try so hard to talk to people and to make connections, but at the end of the night I'm alone anyway.

I wish I was more selfish. Maybe then I’d have the courage

I have these good days. Days where I get out of bed and feel like it’s going to be a good day. Days when I don’t lie around, waiting for a reason to get up. but then the bad days come back. The days when I realize how painfully alone I am. That I have friends who I love more than anything, who I wish I could be with all the time, and they see me as some second option, barely worth their time. The bad days come back and they stay for a week, and slowly that weeks spreads into 3, and then it’s a month. The good days stay away, until one day I feel a comforting breeze that stays for a moment until the suffocating grey crashing down on me again. I don’t think I have a good life. I don’t think it’s a happy life. I think I have a bad life filled with sadness and upset, and I have these good moments I cling to with all my strength. And it scares me because I want to have a beautiful life, but maybe that’s not what’s coming next.

I love have dorky little hobbies and watching my dorky little YouTubers and just living my life to the fullest. I don't know, there's just something so relaxing about just... being myself.

Do I know how to flirt with girls? Yes... theoretically, at least. In practice? No. Not at all. When I talk to pretty girls all I do is giggle awkwardly and scream internally.

I think, at my core, I am a sad person. I see the worst in everyone, I see the worst in myself, and I see the bad side to every situation. But just because I am sad, doesn't mean my life has to be. I listen to songs that make me feel happy, I buy things in green because it's my favourite colour, I wear funky socks because it adds a little whimsy to my life. Maybe it won't fix me forever, but it makes each day a little happier than the last. And, really, what more can I ask from myself except that - to live tomorrow a little better than yesterday.