basically Todd Anderson/Loki Laufeyson

sup folks

my name’s Viktor, i use he/him, i am transgender, bisexual and demiromantic. i live in italy so don’t judge my grammar plz :,)

im a huge nerd and a very stressed and overstimulated dude :p

i like the most:

• Loki (fav character of all), Spider-Man (fav hero) and all Marvel

• all Star Trek, TNG is my comfort series and Data is my comfort character

(anyway i also love doctor who, adventure time, house, sherlock, good omens, supernatural, the hellaverse in general, gilmore girls, star wars, and a lot of others)

• love reading books and comics (also Ao3, obviously), watching tv series, musicals (love Hamilton) and films (DPS is my fav film), drawing (i go to art school) and writing

• coffee, monsters and hot chocolate, the last gives me comfort so i love it so much

• need music to survive

• playing piano (fav hobby thearpy) and photography

• Queen is my fav band but i also like Bowie, The Smiths, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day and Radiohead (Creep is my fav song, especially the acustic version) (anyway i also like mötley crüe, arctic monkeys, tx2…)

HOW THIS PAGE WORKS: often i’ll post about a topic and whenever something related comes to my mind i add it by reblogging, so the last reblog of the same thing is the most complete one cuz it has more posts and almost all the thoughts i shared about it, but idk my mind is weird and sometimes i just post something alone even if its relaterd. i hate that i am incoherent, sorry. Every one of my posts are under #viks lowkey post.

i’ll ocasionally share my art and other shit that happens to me or things i do and ofc there’ll be reposts but dw im not expeting anyone to care: its just a some kind of diary to put togheter everything i am and i think i do this to try to understand myself better. idk. i use this app to vent and take everything out of my system while no one will care, and thats relaxing cuz literally no one will notice, and by writing here i don’t annoy my friends with my depressed ass.

okayy presentation ended, now what about ya?

problem is that i still want to do what i wanted to do but now i don’t feel ready, im scared that ill get hurt and i will not recognise it, like, i wanted to watch a series but what if the screen is too bright? what if the volume too high? because it will always be even if i lower it, but i have difficulty recognising what i feel and my meeds and shit, so i will not exactly know if it hurts me, if it does my immediate response is to ignore it and i will cry later and i don’t exactly want it

now writing this is distracting me from whatever im feeling because i don’t know and apparently i don’t want to know but writing it down helps with everything

so is it overstimulation? pls help me i don’t know what to do, never

yk what helps? nuzzling my feet togheter. don’t ask me why. its just relaxing and grounding, i really don’t know why, but it comes instinctively when it start to pass

cuz, like, there are some sort of phases? there’s the initial struck, i immobilise, then i try to eliminate all sounds and lights and try to not touch anything, after a few mins i can start doing something but im still on edge, i do the thing with the feet, i fidget with something that gives me comfort and i distract myself until it passes

anyway this is another thing, im always fucking on edge, always tense in some way, im bot aware of it but im so fucking tense all the time, maybe im more aware of it in those moments

but then after a few weeks or months you’re fine and forget about it

am i sick? crazy? yes, spn lives rent free in my head