The Life Of An Indoor Cat

I am trying to find a new “normal” and find myself. I was 16 when we started dating, so I obviously have no idea who I am without him as part of my life. And I am trying to learn to navigate life without him. It’s really hard. We had a beautiful, healthy relationship. He was so vibrant and healthy, I don’t understand how he’s gone.

You know, I think you might be right. But he’s just so clueless, I am still a tiny bit skeptical here.. haha

Way too obsessed with my mermaid hair

This past year has been one of the hardest years of my life, if not the hardest. Outside of all of the bullshit that was 2016, I had so many of my own personal struggles. I moved to another state right before Christmas of 2015. It was my first time really living on my own (I do not count my college years because I was not financially independent at that time). I moved in with my longtime boyfriend. We had been together for almost 8 years and finally got the opportunity to move in together. It was a lot of huge adjustments all at once. I started a new job the day after we moved here. We had about 2 weeks to get our shit packed and moved. Which was okay. But stressful. We got really lucky and found an amazing apartment. Then, my boyfriend had a really hard time finding a job here. And my job really didn't pay enough to support us. Then, my already poor health deteriorated. A lot. Go figure. Ended up needing surgery to diagnose endometriosis. My boyfriend managed to find a job right before I had to leave mine for said surgery. Yeah, I had to leave my job for my health. It was a temp job though so no big worries there. There were literally two days where my boyfriend and I had a job at the same time. During this same time I found out I have pelvic floor dysfunction. And the temp job + all the life stress intensified it a lot. So now I am doing physical therapy. It's been a really slow and painful road. I still do not have a job. And I am terrified to go back to work full time. So rn I will only apply to jobs that are straight dream job status. And for reasons I still don't know my dumb ass opened a crochet Etsy shop like a week after having a pretty major surgery. Totally don't regret that, though. Just in retrospect that was some crazy shit to do. I love my crochet. Crochet has been one of the few great things for me in this past year. I can't even imagine how I would've survived this year without it. There's more I could say about this shithole of a year, but I don't find it necessary. I still have a lot to be grateful for. I get to live with the love of my life. He is so wonderful and supportive of me and helps me get through these struggles. We both love it in Phoenix. Moving out improved my relationship with my parents a lot. My sister had a third child and she is beautiful. I was able to visit my terminal grandma. I found a passion outside of my science life that helped me find purpose when I was physically unable to work. My surgery was successful. I am confident that soon the PT will become more effective. I have my anxiety and depression mostly under control thanks to medication. I have been able to find incredible doctors here in Phoenix. My boyfriend has found a job that he enjoys. I can only hope that 2017 will be better for me personally. I know society will have many struggles to face, but I am hopeful that we are strong enough to get through these issues together.