Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

Wile E. Coyote, two milliseconds before he lights a match only to reveal he's surrounded by flammable traps he himself has set and the whole website explodes

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

truly just as we have universal health care we need to have universal death care. dying is not optional and funerals should not be a financial burden for families.

”time heals all wounds” WRONG. it merely allows for infection.. it is Too late for me

"explain your answer" no. i used a calculator, and i do not care about this class

this is how sharks stay smooth

Bro the cuttlefish and everything else checkin it ou

the best part is the rapidly growing crowd of onlooker fish and squids hoping that this event will end in a festive shower of delicious shark guts (it did not. woe to the peanut gallery)

perhaps. i do want to be loved. unfortunate.

accidentally said "invasive thoughts" instead of "intrusive thoughts" today and actually I think I'm onto something. this thought does not belong here and it is harming the local ecosystem

UNGRATEFUL tech companies are saying things like "turn off your ad blocker" and "we need your photo id" instead of "thank you so much for not just pirating our shit, youre so handsome"

sometimes in an effort to keep a conversation going i will say shit i dont even believe at all.. just bc im nervous.. like who said that..