FUCK

feel free to change words and pronouns as needed.

“I know it’s weird, but please?”

“Now I see what’s going on. A man sending a girl to do his dirty work.”

“We’re sorry. Could you hook us up, though?”

“You smell like pot.”

“It’s really not that big a deal.”

“I want you to make smarter decisions than that.”

“Like all the amazing decisions you’ve made.”

“You look like you’re going to see a boy. Are you going to meet a boy?”

“This is fucking sketchy.”

“Hey. I was just thinking, why wait for the weekend? It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!”

“You be careful now. Take it real slow. Men are dogs.”

“I’m serious, that bitch is crazy.”

“How about you mind your own damn business!”

“Are you guys mad at me for something?”

“Well, here’s what I think. I think you’re trying to get back at me.”

“We both know you had a thing for me, and I barely gave you the time of day.”

“You’re a loser, (name). You always have been, and it’s pathetic.”

“This is your one warning, (name).”

“What you did to me, the humiliation, it never goes away.”

“You see, you treated me like a dog because that’s what you are. You, you’re no man, (name).”

“They’re children! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“How does it feel to be on the outside looking in? Hurts, huh?”

“Sounds like someone’s a little jealous.”

“Think I thought we had some kind of a connection, but you just threw it all away.”

“Ungrateful bitch. To think I took care of (name) for you.”

“I need a man, huh? This ought to shut you up for once.”

“Why are you doing this? You need help.”

❝ ew. who yells? ❞ 

❝ you said if you were ever going to do same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me. ❞

❝ who would you rather go down on you? michael bublé or janet jackson? ❞

❝ can janet jackson go down on me while michael nublé narrates it in song? ❞

❝ i really don’t feel like going into work today. ❞

❝ great, i’ll see you in 30 days then … biiiiitch. ❞

❝ i’m not sexually aroused, i’m fiscally aroused. ❞

❝ make that face that i hate. ❞

❝ i respect you respecting me. ❞

❝ i’m gonna respect that dick later. ❞

❝ four r’s, my friend: reduce, reuse, recycle, rihanna. ❞

❝ i’m an adult and i’m responsible. let’s go get some candy. ❞

❝ i just want to get home and watch my shows. ❞

❝ i’m an adult. i should be buying my own pot. ❞

❝ yeah, chocolate-brown eyes, ass of an angel. ❞

❝ i was so worried, i baked a whole cake. and then i ate a whole cake. ❞

❝ wanna come over and smash our faces in cake? ❞

❝ what, you’ve never seen someone who looks tired? ❞

❝ i’m just a baby, i don’t have any money. ❞

❝ bed, bath, and beyond coupons NEVER expire. ❞

❝ the world is good, dude. ❞

❝ what do i always tell you? PKW: phone, keys, wallet! ❞

❝ my biggest weakness is that i lose my purse a lot, but then my biggest strength is that i always get it back. ❞

❝ never have i ever… um, dealt with how my parents’ divorce affected my overall, you know, being in relationships. ❞

❝ i know you from your ass better than i know your face. ❞

❝ this is the happiest day of my liiiiife! ❞

❝ simple yes or no: did you or did you not peg? ❞

❝ let’s meet at the atm where the dude puked on you last week. ❞

❝ you want me to facetime from the bathroom? ❞

❝ i would follow you into hell, dude. ❞

❝ who is the grossest person you still kind of want to have sex with? ❞

Dane Dehaan in HBO’s In Treatment (2010)