you are so much more.

how many other ways are there to say it. the whole world stretched out in front of me and i still couldn’t find you. love, i want you to know i tried. i took the long way home when i had the chance. i even watched the trains. but you never stepped out of the dream i made up back when i needed something to get me through the night. maybe you wanted to but your feet were stuck in place and you never moved toward me. i tried to make peace with it at first but after a while, i couldn’t take it anymore. i needed you to know that i didn’t give up on you. that most of me was still hoping, still naming almost children. i thought maybe once i had seen you through a passing car’s window, but ill never know for sure. there’s a possibility my heart wasn’t right for you in this world. that i wouldn’t have known what to do with you if you had been right in front of me. either way, i still wish i could have found you. wish we beat the odds and survived the world together. wish we got the house i dreamed up when i needed at least a dream. nowadays, when i close my eyes, i hope for nothing.