Buzzfeed Unsolved: Incorrect Quotes @incorrectshaneandryanquotes - Tumblr Blog

Shane: Roses are red, violets are blue, God gave me all the height, and left nothing for you :)

Ryan: I swear if you DON’T SHUT UP

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Curly: So what’s it like being Shane’s coworker?

Ryan: One time I asked him for a glass of water while he was mad at me and he brought me a glass of water and said “wait”

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Marielle: That’s a pretty rock, where did you get it?

Shane: Ryan gave it to me

Ryan: No, I threw it at your head

Shane: He’s very sweet

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Ryan, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Shane: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*

Shane:

Shane: It’s perfume.

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Shane: Why is there blood everywhere?!

Ryan: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Shane: yOU STABBED SOMEONE?!?

Ryan: No, no, I aggressively poked them with a knife!

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Shane: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for one minute!

Ryan: No, that’s not how you make cookies Shane

Sara: FLOOR IT!!

Shane: How about 4,000,000 degrees for one second?

Ryan: yOU’RE GONNA BURN THE OFFICE DOWN SHANE PLEASE!!

Shane: I’M GONNA HARVEST THE POWER OF THE FUCKIN SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Sara: DO IT!

Ryan: NO-

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Shane: Look, if you have any objections feel free to put them in the suggestions box.

Ryan: That’s just the trash can.

Shane: Exactly.

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Ryan: Shane, don’t “yada yada” the demons. It’s disrespectful.

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Ryan: When I was small-

Shane (laughing): ...was?

Ryan: ...

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Shane: Hey, how do you want your coffee?

Ryan: As dark and bitter as my soul.

Shane: Alrighty, one glass of milk coming up.

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Ryan: What are you, five?

Shane: Yeah, five heads taller than you.

Ryan:

Shane:

Ryan:

Shane: Please don’t kill me

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[on location at 3 am]

Ryan: Shane wake up

Shane (annoyed): What is it

Ryan: When butterflies get nervous do they get humans in their stomach?

Shane:

Ryan:

Shane: Ryan, what the fuck.

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Shane: If a playground doesn’t have swings is it really even a playground? Or is it just a disappointment? Ryan: ...

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Shane: Ryan! I got a pet snake! What should I name him?

Ryan: I’m sorry, you got a what now?

Shane: william snakespeare

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Shane: Hold your horses, Ryan. hold them tight. Cherish them. Ryan: What!? Shane: I don't know. I haven't eaten today.

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Shane: You have to pick your battles, Ryan

Ryan: I did. I picked all of them.

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Ryan: Goodnight.

Shane: Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Tonight. Imma fight. Till we see the sunlight. Tik tok. On the clock. But the party don’t stop-

Ryan: SHUT THE FUCK UP

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