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[Future AU]
Mona Lisa: I got to get back home before Raphael realizes Iโm not in bed!
[cut to Raph in bed, awake and on the verge of tears]
Raph: Mona?? MONA???
Leo: Get Mikey here stat! Raph: THE PIZZA HAS ARRIVED! Mikey: *smoke bomb and appears* Mikey: I have been summoned.
Donnie: What are some fucked up animal facts?
Raph: Chompy bites me even though I am so nice to him.
Alopex: Do you ever wonder if maybe there's more to this life than just mindless killing and bloodlust?
Tiger Claw: Yeah...
Alopex: You do?!
Tiger Claw: No! Of course not! You have turned into a very, very soft person!

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Raph: Yesterday me and Mona Lisa went to the mall and a random guy was hitting on her. The reality is if you date an attractive woman, sheโs going to get hit on.
Mikey: How did you handle it?
Raph: I stabbed him.
Donnie: I canโt help you, Leo. I have a very full day of research ahead of me.
Leo: You mean watching talk shows and reading gossip magazines?
Donnie: Yeah. It takes it out of you.
[At Mikeyโs funeral]
Pizza Guy: Hey, did someone order a pizza?
Everyone: ???
Mikey, breaking free from his casket:
Ooo, my pizza!
Donnie: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Mikey: Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!!
Donnie: You don't think I'll still be alone at fifty, right?
Raph: Aww, come on. You're not gonna make it to fifty.

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April: What is the last thing that made you cry?
Casey: Pepper spray.
Donnie: *coughs* Raph: Bless you. Donnie: Huh? Raph: I heard you sneeze, so I said "bless you". Donnie: Oh, that was just a cough, but thank y- Raph: ALRIGHT! FUCK YOU THEN!!
Casey: Really, Raph? This is getting tiresome. You are becoming the party guest who overindulges in cocaine and traps one in the corner, going on and on about something no one cares about.
Raph: That was you. I was there.
Casey: Well, then allow me to be your cautionary tale.
Splinter: Well Raphael, it was very smart of you to ask me for advice.
Raph: Iโฆ didnโt?
Splinter: *proceeds to give advice anyway*
April: Whatโs a red flag and a girl?
Mikey: When she doesnโt have kids.
April: Oh, she has to have kids already?
Mikey: Well, who else am I going to play Yu-Gi-Oh! with? ๏ฟผ

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Raph: Nobodyโs that happy!
Mikey: Renet and I are happy!
Raph: Because you two are idiots!
Raph: Father doesnโt talk to us anymoreโฆ
Leo: Thatโs because heโs dead.
Mikey: He could at least try to haunt us!