#source: devilartemis

Kong: Oh my god! He totally stole your shit—

Tails: Look im serious, this might be my greatest technological achievement, Like literally.

Sonic: Ok you say that for all of them. *Gestures to Tails other inventions*

Tails: Ok but this time im telling the truth. Sonic the Hedgehog i want you to meet…

*Someone else walks onto the beach and its a familiar face*

Tails: Sonic The Hedgehog!

Archie: Hello.

Archie/Boom:…..Why are you so short/tall? Excuse me?!

Tails: Right so uh Sonic meet uh well Sonic. He’s you but canon-er.

Boom: I'm not canon?

Archie: More like fanfiction that got out of hand.

Tails: Today both of you Gentlehogs will face off, one of you may even die BUT i can say for all of us that is a risk we are all willing to take for the sake of science.

Boom: Im not fucking canon?!

Tails alrighty gentlehogs before we begin do we have any questions?

*Both Sonics raise their hands*

Tails: Yes Cool Sonic?

Boom: I-

Archie: Why am i here? Also i think less cool Sonic has a question too.

Boom: *Sarcastic laugh* You got great jokes. But can you BALL bitch?

Archie: Im quite confident in my 3’s you know.

Boom: Oh we’ll see about that.

*Cut to a basketball game*

Tails: We got some serious ball handling folks oh and Sonic goes for the 3!

*The ball goes through the hoop*

Tails: ITS GOOOOOD! Archie Sonic completely embarrassing Boom Sonic but wait Sonic has the ball he’s going in for a dunk! OH MY AAAANNNNCIIIEEEEENNNTSSSS!!! GOOOOAAAAA-Wait wrong game.

*Cue montage of both Sonics competing in different competitions from Push ups,chili dog eating(leaving Tails with the bill),trying to open pickle jars and racing in cars*

Tails looking at a checkboard: Welp i cant believe im saying this but…its a tie. You both tied perfectly in every single contest.

Boom: Wait so they’ll never know who’s best?

Archie: They know.

Boom: They’ll just have to wonder for the rest of eternity?

Archie: Pretty sure they know.

Boom: Oh my Ancients, You just think you're hilarious, don't you?

Archie: Yes. Now, if you don't mind, I really need to be getting back to my comic... (walks away)

Boom: Oh, right, you mean the comic that got cancelled?

Archie: (stops in his tracks) Oh yes, I forgot! You've got a comic and a show! Wonder how those are doing?

Boom: Well i can say i didnt have to go through an entire damn reboot.

Archie: Oh please, the most memorable thing you had was a crazy ass badger!

Boom: At least she made it to the main series, Your characters cant even get cameos.

*That was the quill that broke the Hedgehogs back as Archie lunges at Boom and starts punching him in the face but Boom kicks him into a tree and pounces on him causing the 2 to double spindash and start punching the shit out of each other through Meh Burger*

*Meanwhile in Light Labs*

Rock: Ya know i think im ready to come back. I feel like i’ve had time to heal, i feel grounded,present and ya know even-

*He’s cut off by The Sonics breaking in through the wall still punching the shit out of each other*

Rock: Thats it! Im going back on hiatus!

*The Sonics are slapping the shit out each other with Archie even slapping Boom with Nicoles handheld computer all while Tails watches taking notes on his clipboard*

*Cut to the Sonics having dinner at a fancy restaurant*

Boom: Can you pass the salt please?

Archie: Oh im pretty sure you’re salty enough for the both of us.

Boom: *Just stares at Archie,takes a sip from his drink and sighs*

Archie: *As he’s launched out the window* OH YOU BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!!! *Crashing sounds*

*The 2 Sonics end up at Eggmans lair and begin strangling each other*

Archie: You motherfucker! I’ll kill you!

Boom: You’re not even the right shade of blue!

*Both Tails and Eggman watch this while taking notes*

*The 2 Sonics are battling it out using Lightsabers until the platform they’re on breaks*

*Cut to them at the movies*

Archie: Hey Wait wait check this part out, its my favorite part.

Rome: Let your man go, huh?

Brian: Drop it, I don't wanna talk about it.

Rome: Drop it hell! I wanna hear about this, homie!

Brian: I said forget about it, cuz.

*Both Sonics start laughing but Booms starts to die down while Archie keeps going*

Archie: I told you this movie was great.

Boom:….I mean its alright.

Archie: *Has the most shocked look on his face like Boom just said the most heinous thing ever*

*The 2 start fighting again breaking through the walls of the theater and then somehow ending up in the Archieverse*

Shard: Now theres 2 of him.

Uncle Chuck: Yeah this getting out of hand.

*Cut to a wrestling ring where Boom lightly smacks Archies chest*

Archie: Aww MotherFu-*Slams Boom to the ground*

Nite: Oh my Gaia! Did you see that Don?! An RKO outta nowhere!

Don: You’re right Nite, it doesn’t matter what Sonicverse you’re from that one HAD to hurt!

Boom: Hey Mr.Canon?

Archie: Huh-*Gets a foot to the face*

Nite: And Sonic counterattacks with a sweet chin music but whats this? Is that…Oh my Gaia it is! Its a Zeti Don! A fucking Zeti!

Don: Not just any Zeti either. Thats the world heavyweight champion Zazz! And he’s got a steel chair in hand!

*Zazz hits Boom with the steel chair…which isnt made of steel at all so it does nothing*

Boom: Really?

Archie: Excuse me, Do you fucking mind?

Zazz: Fight me!

*The hedgehogs look at each other….and then beat the purple off Zazz*

*Back at the beach*

Tails: *looking at his clipboard* Alright so…not gonna lie, *he and Boom Sonic are surrounded by rings* the fans loved it.

Archie:…I get a cut of that right?

Black Adam, Mister Atom, Ibac, Crocodile Man, & Mister Mind: To kill Captain Marvel?

Dr. Sivana: Um, well... yes. That is why I called you here.

Georgia Sivana: (bursts in) Daddy! Junior broke my invention!

Dr. Sivana: Not now, Georgia!

Black Adam: "Daddy?"

Ibac: Oh, yeah, that's right. You've never met Sivana's kids, have you?

Black Adam: Wait... he fucks?!

Mister Atom: My database suggests that Dr. Sivana indeed fucks.

Obi-Wan talking to the Adventurous Couple about the Jedi trials.

Obi-Wan: Della is not worthy of becoming a Jedi.

Della: What?! Blasphemy! I am literally perfect for it! I can easily be Jewish!

Casey: Jedi.

Della: Jedish.

Casey gives Della a deadpan look while Obi-Wan just sighs.

HAPPY MAY THE 4TH EVERYONE!!