I've got a sunset in my veins

This is actually really cute I love it

athletes

This is super real.

Completely accurate.

@pre-successful America exposed. 

It’s hilarious watching non-Americans react to this with fear because I read it just nodding along like “yes, in fact this is How Things Are, there you go”

If you ask an American how they are and they respond “Super.” that means they want to die

ACCURATE

If they say they’re peachy it means they’re tired of existence

If they say “Living the dream,” it means “please kill me, I hate my job so, so much.”

also “that’s a great question” means “I have no freaking idea”

if asked “how are things going?” and they reply “its going” it means theyre in the middle of a mental breakdown

describing something as “interesting” means it sucks bad

That cat is going to murder the man in the dark of night.

alas, he will be unable to murder the man because the accordion noises that now accompany his every move make stealth impossible

in math i use this thing called the guess and hope method 

thanks