hannah :)

“Remus?”

Sirius’ voice was sleep-rough and his accent was thick; Remus loved how his name sounded like that, like ree-moose and then ray-moose and eventually just moose, when Sirius was on the very edge of sleep. They were at the second stage, so it was still dark out. He blindly reached over to rub a hand over Sirius’ shoulder and hummed in acknowledgement, keeping his eyes shut to preserve his sleepiness.

“Are you angry with me?”

Remus shook his head. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hundred percent.” He blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the semi-darkness. The clock on Sirius’ nightstand showed it wasn’t yet midnight, and he ran his hand over that warm shoulder once more. “Why would I be angry with you?”

Sirius sighed heavily through his nose. “I don’t know.”

“Mmm, then you can rest assured—”

“I wasn’t nice to you today.” Quiet fell again, though it wasn’t uncomfortable. Remus shifted closer as Sirius stared at the ceiling. “I was—I shut you out this morning, after it came out. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

Remus kissed the side of his arm. “It is. You’re allowed to be upset and not want to talk to me sometimes, baby.”

Sirius’ face was troubled, but some of the tension in his body released. “You were angry at the rink.”

“Yeah.” There was no point in denying it. He had been angry since the video was first released, and even more so when two of the people he hated most in the world decided to waltz in and try to ruin Sirius’ life. Again. “Not at you, though.”

“You were angry before the rink—”

“I was angry because I don’t like hearing people shit talk you,” Remus interrupted gently. His fingertips fit just right in the ladder of Sirius’ ribs. “Especially not those people. I’m sorry if I made you feel like it was your fault.”

The furrow of Sirius’ brows deepened. “No, you didn’t do anything, it’s just my brain being…”

“Anxious?” Remus supplied after a heartbeat of pause.

“Stupid.”

“Sirius—”

“I know, I know, it’s not stupid to be anxious when I have an actual clinical anxiety disorder.” Sirius’ nose twitched; he glanced over for a brief second. “I just don’t like it.”

Remus pressed his face against Sirius’ bicep, then held the sheets up in invitation. “Would a cuddle help?”

In lieu of an answer, Sirius shuffled over until his back settled snug to Remus’ chest with his shoulders in a prime position for kisses. Remus held him close—his pulse was steady, but more rapid than usual for that time of night. “I was happy about this. Earlier, I mean.”

“You were.”

“I’m really upset, Remus.”

Remus closed his eyes and placed a kiss on one clump of dark freckles just above the ridge of his spine. “Do you want to talk?”

“I don’t know.” His voice was thick again, but not from sleep. “I’m bad at talking.”

“You’re not,” Remus whispered into his skin.

“I couldn’t tell you I loved you until I almost lost you.”

“That was different—”

“The media hates me.”

“Oh, fuck the—”

“I never learned how to talk about my feelings and I’m going to spend the rest of my life feeling sick when someone asks how I’m doing.”

He shuddered in Remus’ arms, curling his knees up tighter. Remus let out a slow breath and moved one hand to brush his dark hair off his forehead. “Sirius, what’s going on?”

A sniffle answered him. “Do I sound like my mother?”

“God, no,” Remus breathed as his heart cracked in half. Walburga’s vicious stare rose unbidden to his memory. “Oh, baby, not even a little. You would never say that kind of thing just to hurt someone—”

“I chirp people all the time—”

“That’s different.” Sirius’ chest hitched under his palm. “Chirping someone is different than what she does. You would never go for someone’s personal pain like that just to get a leg up.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I know you.” Remus flattened his hand over the heart beneath, moving his thumb in a soothing pattern. “Chirping is part of hockey. Verbal abuse is not. You don’t tear people down or make them feel like they don’t deserve good things, and you never have as long as I’ve known you.”

Sirius pressed his cheek against the dip of Remus’ shoulder and held it there, eyes closed even as the corners of his mouth tightened. Unshed tears clumped his dark lashes. “I have spent so much time trying to undo all the ways they fucked me up,” he murmured. In the fresh light, Remus could see the shadows smudged beneath his eyes from a lack of sleep. “And no matter how much therapy I go to, I still don’t understand how they could look at a child and want to hurt it.”

Remus sighed into the top of his head and placed a kiss in its wake. “Because they’re bad parents and you are a really good person.”

“Their parents did the same thing to them.”

“That’s not an excuse to do it to you.” He tucked his face into the soft dip of Sirius’ neck and breathed in the smell of his soap. “I am grateful for you every single day, and I hate that you had to listen to them tear you down for such a long time.”

Sirius sniffed again and a shiver ran through him as he held Remus’ wrist. “I stopped the hit.”

“You did.”

“I’ve never stopped him before. I never even tried.” A wet laugh slipped out. “I told my mother to shut the fuck up. Merde, that was stupid.”

“At the risk of sounding vengeful,” Remus said, holding his mouth against his favorite freckle constellation. “They deserved a lot worse than what you gave them.”

“I know.”

He listened to their tandem breaths as the clock struck midnight; Sirius let his head weigh heavy on the pillow again. “Will you be okay? People are going to ask questions.”

“People have been asking questions for a long time, mon loup.”

“You know what I mean.” He rubbed his hand in a wide oval over Sirius’ torso and felt him relax, though a tear glimmered as it dripped off his cheekbone. Remus nuzzled the back of his bare shoulder and kept his voice barely above a whisper. “I am so proud of you.”

Sirius’ abdomen jerked around a sob. “I couldn’t let them take him away again.”

“Baby—”

“I’m tired of being hurt by them when they’re not even here, Remus.” He rolled onto his back, scrubbing both hands down his face. “It felt so good and now I feel like—fuck, what’s the soup fork?”

“Spoon?”

“I feel like someone took my stomach out with a spoon.” A humorless laugh was muffled by Sirius’ palms before he reached out to trail his finger down the side of Remus’ face. “You’re too handsome to be that sad.”

Remus leaned into the touch with half a smile; the ache in his heart had branched out through his lungs, tugging and twisting as it went. “It will never make sense to me how such awful people had such an incredible kid. Two of them. They should be embarrassed to call themselves parents, and yet you turned out one of the best, kindest, and most loving people I have ever met.”

Sirius’ gaze unfocused for a moment before he blinked and looked between them, where their hands almost touched. “Nothing in that video was news to me. Mon regret has been around for almost ten years.”

Metallic bitterness filled Remus’ mouth. “It’s fucking barbaric.”

“She never called Reg names. She used to talk us both in circles, though. We could never win a conversation with her.” He traced the line of Remus’ nose, pausing at the dip of his upper lip. “It took me over a year to get used to talking to people without them having an interior motive.”

“Ulterior.”

“Same thing.” Remus really couldn’t deny that, especially as Sirius’ fingertips went coast to coast on his mouth and ran under his lower lip. Pooling tears made his eyes shine. “I never thought I would get her to listen to me while she was still alive. I…I don’t know what to do with that. It doesn’t feel like a victory.”

Remus kissed the inside of his palm as Sirius’ thumb rested on his cheek. “You cut the ties, you get to decide how to label it. But I think this, right here, is a victory. You should be proud of yourself. Today took a lot more courage than anyone on the team can even dream of, Sirius.”

A few tears finally spilled over and Remus bundled him up in his arms once more, letting Sirius hide his face in the well-loved t-shirt while he made quiet noises of comfort and rubbed his back. No small amount of vindication still lingered when he thought of the utter shock on Walburga and Orion’s faces, but alongside it sat overwhelming joy that Sirius put an unquestionable end to their power over him. There was pain, too, at the reminder that so much hurt happened behind the scenes before Remus was even in the picture; so much hurt he couldn’t have stopped and would never know about.

   So when Remus woke up to Sirius thrashing and pleading with an invisible force he knew it was another bad night. He was always wary to wake him up because he wasn’t all there when Remus woke him up from nightmares.

   Cautiously, Remus reached over and shook Sirius’s shoulder gently, a frown plastered on his face. He hated seeing Sirius like this, vulnerable and scared, it always shook him to his core.

  “Stop! Get off of me! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Sirius shouted, flailing desperately. Remus gripped his shoulders tightly and straddled him. He felt bad pinning him down but he was going to hurt himself if he kept flailing like that.

   “Baby, wake up. You have to wake up, Sirius it’s just a dream.” He shook his shoulders again and Sirius jerked awake, gasping for air. He pushed Remus roughly away from him and Remus slid off the bed, his temple hitting the edge of the nightstand. Pain blossomed in his head and he whimpered, his hand coming up to feel his head. His fingers came away bloody and Remus cursed knowing he would have to calm Sirius down from his nightmare and now from pushing him off the bed.

   Remus crawled carefully back on the bed, sitting in front of Sirius, far enough away to not crowd him and cause more panic. “Baby, are you okay?” He asked quietly, his hand landing in the middle of them in case Sirius needed the touch.

   Sirius let out a scared sound and backed away from Remus, cowering away in fear. Remus retracted his hand, frowning as he wished there was something he could do to help him when he got like this. He wished Sirius didn’t have to go through this. He didn’t deserve his family, he was too good for them anyway. It wasn’t fair that he had to live in that environment for so long, the abuse from his parents stayed with him and Remus desperately wished he could fix it.

   Sirius let out a shuddering breath and Remus looked at his boyfriend sadly. “Baby, It’s me. I’m not going to hurt you. Listen to me. You’re safe and they aren’t going to hurt you again. I’m here now. Trust me, I’m not going to let anybody hurt you. It’s okay. I’m here.” Remus said quietly, hoping Sirius wasn’t too far to realize it was just Remus.

   Sirius let out a gasping breathe and flung himself into Remus’s arms, his body shaking as sobs escaped his mouth. Remus wrapped his arms tightly around him, one hand going to his back and the other to hold Sirius’s head against his chest.

   Remus shifted them so Sirius was in his lap, his legs wrapped around Remus’s lap as Remus moved so he could lean back on the headboard. Sirius gripped Remus tightly as if he would disappear if he let go. Remus let his hand comb through Sirius’s head tenderly.

   Remus kept murmuring comforting words in Sirius’s ear as he gradually calmed down. Sirius deflated against him before backing away from him and resting their foreheads together. “Mon Dieu, I love you.” Sirius said quietly, his hands coming up to cup Remus’s face.

   His fingers brushed Remus’s temple and he gasped involuntarily. Sirius retracted his hands with a worried look and looked down at his hands for several seconds before hurriedly turning on the lamp next to the bed.

   Sirius’s eyes widened marginally and he quickly looked back to Remus. “Is that blood? Qu'est-il arrivé?” Sirius turned Remus’s face frantically and gasped loudly when his eyes fell on the blood covering Remus’s temple. “Remus,” Sirius said breathlessly pulling his shirt sleeve down over his hand and dabbing lightly at the blood.

   Remus shook his head and gently pulled Sirius’s hand away. “You’ll ruin your shirt.” Sirius paid him no mind, his hand returning to the blood. “You’re bleeding, mon loup. What happened?” He asked, his eyes boring into Remus’s.

   Looking down, Remus shook his head again. “Re, please. What happened? That looks recent I-” He cut himself off with a gasp and Remus knew he just put it together. “Oh god.” He said quietly before backing away quickly. “Oh god, oh god, oh god. I did that. What did I do.” Remus shook his head but it just made the pounding worse.

   “Baby, I’m okay.” Remus said just as quietly, Sirius just shook his head. “You’re not. I did that. Re, you’re bleeding and it’s my fault.” Remus frowned and reached a hand out but Sirius moved it away. “I fell off the bed. Baby, please, it wasn’t your fault.” Sirius narrowed his eyes.

   “Did I push you?” Remus looked down with a frown, knowing Sirius would blame himself for this even though it was an accident. Sirius let out a desperate sound and Remus looked up to find his eyes shut.

   Remus moved closer to Sirius and took Sirius’s face in his hands, Sirius flinched slightly but didn’t pull away so Remus let his forehead fall on Sirius’s. “I know you’re mad at yourself right now, which you shouldn’t be it was an accident, but I need you and I’m pretty sure you need me right now too.”

  Sirius whimpered slightly and brought his arms around Remus, his head falling to Remus’s shoulder. Remus let out a sigh of relief and dropped his chin to Sirius’s black curls.

   They stayed like that for a minute before Sirius pulled away and climbed off the bed, his hands held out for Remus to take. Remus took them and raised a questioning eyebrow. “Where are we going? It’s three in the morning.” Sirius laughed quietly, though there was still pain laced in his expression. “I’m going to fix you up. Je suis désolé mon amour.” 

   Sirius kissed his forehead before pulling Remus up with him. “It’s okay Sirius, you were asleep it wasn’t even conscious.” Sirius turned to him with wide, sad eyes. “I would never consciously hurt you, I don’t even want to unconsciously hurt you.” Remus shook his head and kissed Sirius lightly. “I know that, baby.” 

   Remus had gone to bed at two in the morning, not being able to stay up any longer. Sirius had promised to come to bed soon but when Remus woke up the next morning the sheets on his bed were still made.

   Making his way downstairs, he found Sirius sitting on the couch staring blankly at the wall, purple bags under his eyes that confirmed Remus’s suspicions that he hadn’t slept at all. Remus had made his way loudly over to the couch in hopes of not startling Sirius.

   It hadn’t helped and as soon as Remus sat down Sirius’s head snapped to him, his eyes wide and panicked. Remus knew better than to touch him when he got like this so he sat farther away and talked to him in a calming voice.

   “Baby, it’s just me. You weren’t there when I woke up, did you sleep in here?” He asked gently, relieved that Sirius had calmed down when he realized it was Remus instead of freaking out further. Sirius just shook his head, not vocalizing which Remus had expected.

   Remus just nodded and snuggled into the couch, offering a silent strength for Sirius if he needed it. They sat like that for about an hour before the tension finally left Sirius and he actually laid his head down in Remus’s lap.

   Sirius let out a quiet sigh when Remus’s hand found his hair. “You okay, love?” He asked quietly. Sirius shuddered at the name and shook his head slowly. “It’s bad again. It’s really, really bad again.” He said quietly, a slight waver in his voice. Remus dropped his head so he could kiss Sirius’s forehead. 

   “I’ve got you, baby. Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it?” Sirius laid quietly for a second, his hand finding Remus’s free one and playing with his fingers. “Can I talk about it?” Remus was almost shocked into silence. Sirius seldom talked about things from his past, not more than two sentences and never into details but Remus would be damned if he didn’t listen when Sirius finally did.

   Remus just nodded, his arm tightening around Sirius’s waist so he could pull him to where he was more laying on him than sitting his head in Remus’s lap. Sirius snuggled into the embrace, his forehead pressed into Remus’s neck.

   “When I was growing up there were only two people in my family who didn’t hate me. Two people besides my brother who never laid a hand on me.” Remus clenched his jaw, fighting the anger that washed over him every time Sirius mentions or subtly mentions the abuse he suffered as a child.

   “My Great Uncle Alfred and my cousin Andromeda. My Great Uncle Alfred was cast out when I was about six years old, he’d send me secret cards when he could and would tell me to keep my head up. He’d been gay and when my family learned his secret they’d kicked him out. They burned him off the stupid family tree.” Remus buried his nose into Sirius’s curls when Sirius took a break to get his voice back under control. Sirius leaned his head back into the touch.

   “He was great and I loved him but Andromeda was always there for me. She’d show up randomly as if she could just tell when things were getting worse and she’d take me away for a weekend or something.” Sirius had a faint smile on his face, it was bittersweet and Remus was almost afraid to hear the rest of the story. “Eight years ago today she came and told everyone she was moving away with her boyfriend who was half Swedish.” 

   Sirius scoffed and Remus felt his heart sink when he saw the tears in his eyes. “My family, of course, lost their minds because he wasn’t French and she was kicked out of the family, her picture burned off the family tree just like that.” Sirius cleared his throat and pushed harder against Remus’s neck as if he needed the reminder that Remus was there.

   Remus held his head close and dropped kisses to his dark locks. “I was so mad at her for leaving me, I was just so angry but my family kept talking about her. They kept calling her a blood traitor and a whole bunch of other names I didn’t understand then. I went off, told them that if anything she was doing the right thing, she deserved to get away she was too good for us all anyway.” Sirius let out a weak laugh and shook his head.

   “I told my mother that they shouldn’t talk about her like that because at least she wasn’t still in the loop of inbreds.” His voice dropped off and when he started talking again it was much darker. “My mother hadn’t found that amusing. She had slapped me across the face before it even left my mouth. She had been too angry to properly punish me so she left it to my father.” Sirius started trembling and Remus tightened his hold around him protectively.

   “I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Remus whispered as he pressed a kiss to Sirius’s temple. Sirius just huddled closer and fell silent for a minute. “He beat me so bad I nearly died. I broke three ribs and my wrist but they wouldn’t let me go to the doctor. My mother locked me in the cellar and left me there for a week. Regulus had to come and sneak me food because neither of my parents thought about the fact that I was going to starve.” Sirius let out a bitter laugh. “Or maybe they did, maybe that was the point.”

   Remus bit his lip hard as his vision swarmed with tears. How could someone so precious and so amazing be treated like that? It was times like these that Remus remembered how strong Sirius was, if it had been anyone else Remus knew for a fact they would have been broken by now.

  “I was so mad at Andromeda for such a long time. I never returned any of her letters but she never stopped sending them.” Sirius sniffled and closed his eyes tightly. “Until she did. I thought she had finally taken the hint, it had made me much sadder than I thought it would have since I was the one ignoring her anyway. Turns out she had a daughter and had died during childbirth. Regulus had to tell me since no one else ever spoke of her.”

  Sirius shifted so he could press his forehead against Remus’s seeking more comfort than Remus knew how to give. Remus tightened his grip and pulled Sirius closer until he was straddling Remus, chests flush together but in a way that was more intimate than any of their other ‘intimate’ moments.

   Sirius made a broken sound and Remus felt tears fall from his own eyes as he watched Sirius’s expression change into a deeply tortured expression. “It was my own fault for never reaching out to her. I- I should have answered.” Sirius let out a sob and buried his face in Remus’s chest. “If I had just returned her letters instead of being stupid and petty I would have gotten to see how she was, I would have gotten to knew her daughter. Re, I could’ve been an Uncle to her but I was so angry about being alone that I ignored all of it. She probably hates me.”

  Sirius made an utterly broken sound and Remus held him as tightly as he could, trying to keep his own cries silent.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry.” He said quietly, wishing at that moment harder than he ever had that he could have known Sirius growing up, that he could have helped him through all the stuff he went through. He never should have had to go through that, much less as a child. Nothing in Sirius’s life was fair and all Remus wanted was to fix it.

   “You’re so strong, kind, and good Sirius. She couldn’t hate you, it sounded like she loved you a lot. You never should have gone through any of that and I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone, just know you don’t have to anymore. You’ve got me, or James, or Dumo. You have the whole team, you’re not alone anymore.” 

   Remus dropped sloppy kisses all over Sirius’s shoulder. “Thank you for telling me, I know that’s hard.” Sirius let out shuddering breaths and pulled back to look at Remus. A slightly hysterical laugh rose from his throat and he rested his forehead back on Remus’s. 

   “You’re not supposed to be crying mon loup, that wasn’t my intention.” Remus shook his head quickly. “I know I’m sorry but just- none of that was fair. You shouldn’t have had to go through any of that.” Sirius laughed softly and kissed Remus gently.

   “I love you.” Sirius whispered, his eyes fluttering closed again. Remus basked in the warm feeling of being so close to Sirius. “Je t'aime aussi.” Sirius opened his eyes and shook his head, a fond smile on his face as Remus wiped the tears on his cheeks away with the pad of his thumbs.

   “We should go to bed, I know you didn’t sleep last night.” Remus said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Sirius’s nose. Sirius just buried his face in Remus’s neck. “You know me too well, mon loup.” Remus laughed quietly. 

   Sirius pulled his face away with a tired smile. “Carry me?” Remus laughed as he gripped Sirius’s thighs and shifted to the edge of the couch. Sirius let out a contented sigh and wrapped his arms around Remus’s neck.

   Remus picked him up with minimal problems and carried him to the bed where he dumped him precariously on the bed making Sirius laugh. Remus smiled at the sound, it was something that he hadn’t heard in days and he had missed it more than he cared to admit.

   Remus climbed in next to him and put his arm out so Sirius could tuck himself into his side. When Sirius was in the need of comfort he would tuck himself into a ball and rest his knees on Remus’s stomach.

   Normally, Remus would push them off but Sirius was already drifting and Remus didn’t think he could move him even if he wanted to. So he ignored the ache it caused and turned his nose into Sirius’s hair seeking out the comforting smell he hadn’t gotten in a few days.

With a slight wobble - he was still getting used to his recent growth spurt - Harry turned to make his way up to the other end of the ice. The turning issue aside, Sirius noticed he moved much more steadily than he did even six months ago.

Still, Pascal stole the puck from Harry with ease. "Got you," Pascal said. Small lines creased the skin around his eyes and mouth as laughter bubbled on his lips.

"Dumo," he spat. "Dumo. More like Dumbo."

"Harry James Potter!"

Sirius jerked his head upright. He'd almost forgotten James there; a mess of hair and hazel coloured eyes just visible over the wall which surrounded the rink. He must be kneeling now, but the last Sirius had seen he'd been sat colouring pictures with the youngest Weasley. He held his breath for a second, releasing it in a slow controlled manner just as his therapist had taught him. And another. This was James.

He let his eyes land on Harry again. His Godson was looking up at Pascal petulently, his small fist in a tight grip around his stick.

"Harry," James said again. "Come here please."

For a second, it seemed Harry was going to disobey his father. Then his shoulders dropped, he tore his gaze away from Pascal's gently raised eyebrow and started a slow skate over to James. Sirius felt his own muscles relax.

He leaned forward, resting his chin on the palm on his hand, hoping he appeared nochalent whilst he strained his ears. He was sure he could hear everything but James.

"And this is why not having children is good thing," Logan laughed. "They say terrible two's but it should be more like terrible tens."

"He's eight," Leo snorted.

"It keeps you on your toes. Keeps you young," Pascal said.

"Alright, old man." Logan shook his head fondly, taking the puck off the end of Pascal's stick. "Who's got who now?"

"Leo, how fond of this one are you?"

"Can't lie, I quite like him," Leo laughed.

Pascal grunted. "Shame."

Sirius made his lips curl up into the smile he knew would be expected, glancing over at James and Harry with every third breath. His mouth was dry and he needed water, but he wasn't sure if he stood his legs would bear his weight. And Remus had gone to get drinks. It'd be weird if he followed. Or would it? Yeah, Remus would know. Maybe he wanted him to know?

Just as he thought his the pulsing behind his eyes was going to get too much and his head would actually explode, James smiled. He reached out and ruffled Harry's hair, his lips forming familar words. "Love you kiddo."

As Harry skated back out onto the ice, Sirius took another breath. This time his body knew what to do with it. James met his eyes now, rolling his eyes in Harry's direction. The smile Sirius returned was more genuine.

"My dad says I have to apologise to you," Sirius heard Harry mutter some what in Pascal's direction.

"Okay," Pascal nodded.

"I'm sorry," Harry said. "I shouldn't have called you Dumbo. It was rude.

Pascal nodded again and Harry straightened up a little. "Apology accepted. Thank you."

"Can we play again now? But can you let me keep the puck at least sometimes. It's not fun otherwise."

Sirius frowned, guilt replacing the fear that had just been. James was a good dad. James was not either one of his parents. He rubbed his hand over his face, trying to scrub away the guilty feeling.

"Hey love," Remus sat down, handing Sirius a drink. Remus' weight against his side was familiar and warm, comforting in a way nothing else was.

"I'm fine," Sirius said.

"I didn't say you weren't," Remus said, fixing his eyes on Sirius. He stared and Sirius knew he was assessing the situation. They'd done this enough times. "Do you want to talk about it or leave it for Thursday?"

Thursday. Therapy day. God, he was going to have so much to talk about this week.

"Thursday," Sirius replied. "I just...I forgot who I was with for a bit. I'll tell you about it later."

“Evil to me.” Sirius’ sigh gusts across Remus’ collarbone, warming his skin even as the sweat cools. He huffs, groans, and buries his face deeper into the bend of Remus’ neck. “Always. Malveillant. Esprit de tourment.”

Remus snorts. “Aren’t you poetic?”

“Hmm,” is his only answer. But it comes with a smile pressed to his jaw, so he supposes it’s alright.

Sirius is heavy against him—deliciously so, from the long weight of his arm across Remus’ bare chest to the leg pinning his whole left side from the hip down. Remus flexes his hand; he’s still a little tired from holding that thing up and out of the way. Sirius had hardly rolled over as much as he had rolled onto Remus, heart still racing from post-coital bliss. And, Remus muses, using the last trickling bits of his consciousness to make up poetry about the utter torment Remus apparently wrought on his poor frail self.

He gives Sirius another five-count before raising his head an inch off the pillow to peek down at him. “Still suffering?”

“Mm.”

Remus smiles, though Sirius has yet to open his eyes. “Still French?”

“Ouais.”

“You’re so cute like this.”

“How?” The ‘h’ is softer than usual, almost invisible as it shivers across the span of Remus’ throat.

“Post-fuck.”

“Loup.”

Remus hums, gathering him a little closer with a gentle squeeze. His arm, too, is trapped beneath the heft of Sirius’ body. “I dunno, you’re all…cuddly, and toasty, and I can really feel how strong you are when you lay on me like this.”

“Smush?”

“No,” he laughs, kissing Sirius’ forehead for good measure. He’s exhausted—clearly, they both are—but he also kinda wants to lick the salt off every inch of Sirius. “Well, yeah, but I like it. You’re more clingy. It makes me feel good, ‘cause it means you feel good, and you’re always an octopus and that’s always great but it’s even better when I know I did that for you.”

A beat of silence falls.

Remus feels his face warm all over again and drags his free hand across his eyes. Maybe he was more tired than he thought. “So. That was a lot of words to say that I just…love you a lot. All the time.”

“Called me something.”

Remus frowns. “Huh?”

“You called me something.” There’s a crease in Sirius’ brow, though his eyes are still closed. “I’m forgetting.”

“Uh…clingy?”

“Non. Ott…opta…”

Remus wracks his memory. “Octopus?”

A sudden, sharp snap makes him jump. “C’est ça.”

“For real?”

“Swear to god,” Sirius snorts, shaking his head as much as Remus’ shoulder will allow. “I have no idea.”

“I call you that all the time,” Remus laughs as he teases his fingers over Sirius’ bare ribs to make him squirm. His protests are mostly muffled (and mostly French), but he doesn’t roll away. Remus lowers his head to the round of his shoulder, brought high for now to hide Sirius’ pink cheeks. “You wrap yourself around me like one. With the arms and everything.”

Sirius’ confusion is clear even with his eyes closed.

“You know, like…” Remus presses one fingertip to the valley of his spine with a soft pop noise. Sirius cracks an eye open at last, so he crooks a second to join it, walking them up to his nape with more sucker-sounds that make Sirius grin. Remus feels him shiver when he presses a smile to the curve of his bicep before opening his mouth for an open-mouthed kiss to the skin—and another, slightly to the left, and another, and another, picking up the pace while he draws Sirius close with both arms. Tiny red-purple marks adorn the site of each kiss; they’ll fade fast, but Sirius’ growing laughter won’t.

Sirius hoots when Remus sinks his teeth in a little harder, breathless and smiling up at him for the second time that evening as amusement wracks him. “D’accord, un poulpe, I got it, I got it.”

“Pulp.”

“Poulpe.”

“Pool?”

“Pool-puh.” Sirius pops the second syllable at him from where he’s spread so prettily on their pillows. A kiss follows hot on its heels. “Octopus,” Sirius mumbles into his mouth, licking forward like he can take the word back for himself. “Taking advantage of me.”

Remus lets himself indulge for a few more seconds before answering. “I was answering your question.”

“Fucked out. Don’t know English.” Sirius’ teeth flash over his lower lip. “Talking fast.”