In The Moondust

Who would have ever thought we would end up here? Who would have thought, over 3 years ago, that this would have happened? Life has a funny way of doing things. Words can not describe how broken my heart is. There isn't anything anyone could say to fix this broken heart of mine. I will never be the same. You changed my life forever, in so many ways. You made me stronger. You always encouraged me to be confident, and more times than not you made me feel like I could conquer the world. But now it's different. All of those things are gone. I feel nothing but abandoned, alone in the dark, with half of me stolen right out from right underneath me. I didn't deserve this. I gave everything I had to you and you changed your mind. You decided that I wasn't where you wanted to extend your time and energy. I "changed". But I still don't hate you. And as cliche as it sounds, I hate how much I love you. But I will never hate you. I will always let you back into my life no matter how it ends. Because that's just the fucking person I am. Call me weak, call me stupid. Sticks and stones as you used to say. That's something you've taught me well. I didn't just lose my boyfriend, I lost the best friend I've ever had. I lost my shoulder to cry on, my journal, I lost my heart. You took more from me than just my love. You took everything. And I am left here, in this empty apartment. Alone. My life will never be the same. But I will always thank you for what you taught me. And I will ALWAYS cherish each and every sweet moment with you. I can't begin to understand the emotions that I am feeling in this moment. So much back and forth, so much pain. But I pull through knowing that I will make it out of this darkness. I will understand, one day, why this has happened. Until 35, my love. I'll be patiently waiting. For what just might feel like the rest of forever.