random sewer rat

more products of my chronic boredom.

Oh god….

⟢ "I need you to bail me out." - "Again?" - "...the number of times is not the point right now."

⟢ "I have a plan." - "Last time you had a plan I had to explain to three separate adults why we were on a roof." - "This is a different plan." - "Is it though."

⟢ "You're my best friend." - "You literally just said you hated me four minutes ago." - "Yeah and now I need a favor so."

⟢ "I would die for you." - "I just need you to return this library book."- "I would die for you." - "It's two weeks overdue." - "I would absolutely not do that."

⟢ "Nobody has to know." - "Seven people already know." - "Nobody important has to know." - "I'm important." - "Debatable."

⟢ "This is your fault." - "You made the decision." - "Based on your advice." - "I said and I quote 'that sounds like a terrible idea.'" - "In a very convincing tone!"

⟢ "I need you to pretend to be my partner for one evening." - "What do I get out of it." - "My eternal gratitude." - "I have that already." - "Fine, I'll buy you dinner." - "I want to be your fake partner so bad right now."

⟢ "You could've warned me." - "I did warn you." - "You said 'this might be mildly chaotic.'" - "And?" - "There were police involved." - "Mildly is subjective."

⟢ "I'm not saying it was a bad idea." - "It was a terrible idea." - "I'm not saying that." - "You're thinking it." - "So loud."

⟢ "We need a code word." - "For what." - "In case one of us needs to be rescued from a conversation." - "What's wrong with just leaving." - "SOCIAL ANXIETY, DEREK."

⟢ "Tell me honestly, on a scale of one to ten, how much trouble are we in." - "Eleven." "So a four, roughly." - "An eleven." - "I'm going to need you to lie to me right now."

⟢ "I can explain." - "Please don't." - "It's actually a funny story." - "I don't want to laugh right now I want to be angry." - "You're going to laugh." - "...okay but I'm still angry after."

⟢ "You're a bad influence." - "You love me." - "Genuinely against my will."

⟢ "I followed your advice." "- I have never given good advice in my life, why would you do that."

⟢ "We should do something productive today." - "We could." - "Yeah." - "...you wanna do literally anything else." - "So bad."

⟢ "This is fine." - "Nothing about this is fine." - "I'm choosing to believe it's fine." - "That's not how reality works." - "Watch me."

⟢ "Nobody panic." - "Why would we panic." - "No reason. Definitely no reason. How do you feel about light jogging."

⟢ "I googled it." - "You're not a doctor." - "I googled it very confidently." - "That's worse."

⟢ "Do you trust me?" - "Absolutely not." - "Perfect, follow me anyway."