BY _____

i yearned for them

i couldn't manage much else

i sat and i dreamed of them to pass the days

the distance between two points increases over time

the distance between two points increases over time

sometimes i find it challenging to write. i don't think in english. not unless i intend to.

the translations are difficult and indirect.

HA imagine the pain that would take

you don’t even know me

you maybe like the person you think i am or the person you want me to be

but you don’t like me

i’ve known you haven’t liked me since i was hmm yeah 9

you have never known me and you never will

you will never have the honour of knowing me the person i am

you don’t deserve it

you’re not even even kind enough to the person you think i am or the person you want me to be, let alone the person i actually am

i’m ready for a new one babes

i’m ready for a new ooooooone

i have suffered a heartbreak and longing and yearning beyond belief beyond my capabilities

and yet my embarrassment is near greater because the heartbreak is not even mine

but should it make any difference when it is my heart still that has ripped in two

waiting for my ride takes long

I fundamentally do not believe love operates from a place of control.

Are you upset with them for not meeting your expectations? For not doing exactly what you decided in your head they’re supposed to do? *In remembrance* The version of me that you created inside your head is not my responsibility

No one is entitled to your love. It is not something you owe.

There is some parallelism in how people love themselves and how they love others, the outside world

I was thinking on how relationships change, how in others’ points of view, they end. I’ve been thinking on how sadness is oft expected when relationships change shape or ‘end’. Is it not okay for that person to feel whole? For them to love themselves so passionately and be so rooted in themself that no ones absence or presence disturbs their inner peace?

I had someone I love express to me uneasily, somewhat sorrowfully, that while they suffered, they felt as though I would be okay. That our changing relationship would not bring me grief and I would still be alive in happiness.

I suppose sadness is the ideal outcome for some — an achievement, an aspiration — it’s a way of confirming their significance to another — their importance. Surely if they are not sad, then I never mattered.

Anyhow, love is revolutionary.

How do we choose who we love? Because there is a choice of course — there’s always a choice even if we’ve yet to meet them.

We don’t deserve harm or disrespect from ourselves any more than we deserve it from others.

Re-identify as many times as you want as many times as you need. You are not attached to any identity anyways.

Looks messy but is chaotically organised is a notable concept

Love has no dealings in the concept of time itself, not in time alone.

Do you want me to not have a sense of self? To give myself so wholly to you that without you there is nothing left? I am not sorry, but that I cannot offer you.