I'm Marisa and I like penguins.

But then anxiety takes over and wins, as it does somehow in one way or another. I wonder how someone with a good head on their shoulders would want to be around me. I get paranoid and ask him if he's sure he wants to be with me. I ask him if I annoy him. I ask him if there's somewhere he needs to be. I ask him if he wants to go home. I ask him if he wants to go somewhere else. Then later I freak out because I asked him too many questions and know that he won't want to be around me if I can't be confident. Sometimes I don't want him to look at me even though he kisses and touches me everywhere so I quickly lay down and turn the lights off when he says he likes them on, sometimes I have to wait until he leaves the room to get changed, or I keep the blankets up to my chin. When he mentions another girl I immediately think he likes her and wonder why he talks to me instead even though he told me he's not talking to anyone else and doesn't want to. When he holds me tight I look at him and wonder if he likes me. When he tells me he enjoys spending time with me I wonder if he really does like me. When he is busy and can't see me I am thoroughly convinced he is casual about me and just likes having sex, even though he is 26 and the only two other people he's slept with were serious girlfriends, I still convince myself it has been a long time since he's slept with anyone and we were both drunk when we first said we liked each other so it's possible that he does just like having sex. I wonder if he thinks I'm pretty. I wonder why he doesn't invite me to hang out with his friends even though I don't invite him to hang out with mine. I worry if his best friend likes me and worry that he doesn't talk about me to him. I think he doesn't like me because he rarely asks me to do things even though he told me to come to him. I feel like I bother him when I text him and he doesn't reply for longer than 15 minutes. I'm just waiting for when he's ready for a serious relationship and tells me goodbye. Because someone so perfect deserves a love that is easy, and I am far from making his life easy.

My soul has never been touched before so I’m going to write about it