I Might As Well

- The guy in front of you in class is shopping for a charcoal grill on ebay. why. sir. we have a test next week. 

- Squirrels just….have no fear. None. Only on college campuses though. Are they okay? 

- Finding condoms, packaged and not, in various places. 9 times out of 10, if there’s something inside, it’s not what the condom is supposed to have inside of it. 

- Water balloon condoms. See above. 

- That one guy who wears the same hat every day and you see him every day and you don’t understand why he’s so attached to this hat what is he hiding 

- *single flake of snow appears* “Maybe campus will shut down tomorrow.”

- Campus doesn’t shut down. There’s three feet of snow and the wind chill is below zero. 

- That one corner of the library basement that no one goes to. It smells old and there’s probably a ghost there. 

- When you’re a pedestrian, you hate the cyclists. When you’re on a bicycle, you want nothing more than to run every single person over. 

- You see someone violently acting out a music video with their headphones in. You leave them alone because you were doing the same thing thirty minutes ago.  You hope it goes well for them. 

- Theater majors. Just…theater majors. 

- do the science kids???? ever leave the science buildings???? where do they sleep? 

- There’s a dog. It’s surrounded in seconds by over-caffeinated, under-hydrated students who haven’t slept in three days. 

- you find articles of clothing in really weird places and just. stop caring. glove in a tree? Cool man. Sock on the street? Hope no one needed that. Pants on the stairs of the dorm? Use a condom bro. 

- The dorm lobby television only ever plays sports, news, or The Food Network. No one is ever actually watching what’s on. 

- how are the art students even alive 

- that one professor that EVERYONE on campus knows, even if they have a completely different major than what they teach. 

- there’s a class. you know you had it. you know you have a grade for it. you can’t remember a single second of your time in it. 

- Where did that cat come from? No one knows. It’s always been there. You can’t pet it. Only stare from afar. 

- what is tipping? how does it work? idk tip the pizza guy five bucks for the ten dollar pizza. he looks tired. he’s dying on the inside. he saw a guy naked tonight. 

- Inevitable “pinned condom on the bulletin board goes missing” gag

- Your whiteboard markers are missing again. You put them out yesterday. 

- someone stole an entire skeleton from the science buildings. it got returned a week later without the skull. 

- Vocalist majors. Almost as bad as the theater majors. At least the theater kids don’t sing during breakfast. 

- there’s a piano in the student lounge. no one can play anything but Chopsticks and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.