I always wonder what it would be like to be beautiful. To be tall and skinny with a pretty face. But with my height and my looks, all I can ever be is cute. And honestly, I think about it every day. How I'll never be able to be anything but cute. When I grow up, people won't look at me like "Wow, she's beautiful." No, they won't look at me like that. They'll look at me like "Oh! She's so cute!" like if they were walking in the park and saw a toddler sticking pencils in the sand and they decided to tell the toddler's parents just how adorable their kid was. And I hate how I have to look up at somebody when I talk to them. It makes me feel inferior. It makes other people think I'm inferior, like what I say or think doesn't matter. And I hate how everybody says "Well at least you can date any guy!" You really think I give a fucking damn about that? Well, I don't. I don't want to be able to date 'any guy'. I want to be able to date THE guy. The guy for me. I don't care if he's shorter than me or taller than me or my height. If we love each other, then who fucking cares how tall he is compared to me? And I hate it when people say 'at least this' or 'at least that'. I'm done hearing all these 'At leasts'. I don't want any more at leasts. I want something that will make me happy with myself. I want to be happy with myself, not with someone else. If I have to be with someone else to be happy, then something's gone terribly wrong. And I hate when people say that they wish they were my height (5'2"). No, you don't. You may think you want my height, but you don't. You don't want everyone looking down at you. You don't want everyone thinking your weak or fragile. I'm not weak. And I'm not fragile! I won't shatter into pieces if you hug me too tightly! I hate how people think I can't handle myself. I can fucking take care of myself, thank you. I don't need you following me around like a helicopter-mom, making sure I don't run with scissors or anything. I hate how people ask me how my "fellow 6th graders" are. IM NOT A 6TH GRADER. IM A FUCKING FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL. I hate everybody making short jokes at me. I hear people make short jokes both directly and indirectly meant for me. People will make small comments or they'll actually make a big huge public-humiliation moment out of it. I hate how the people who know I'm most insecure about my height, make fun of me for it the most. I hate how my friends will make jokes. I hate how they'll just outright call me short. I hate how people will make up names like "Hobbit" or "Shortstack" or "Strawberry Shortcake" or "Shorty" Or anything else. I've honestly come so close to punching someone in the face because they wouldn't shut up. I honestly am starting to hate, genuinely hate, my "friends" who always call me short and makes jokes. I hate how my entire future rests in the hands of my genes. If I'm not at least 5'8" then I can forget my entire dream career and get myself sucked into some shitty job in an office building in a cubicle doing math that I don't even understand. But most of all, I hate myself for hiding my insecurities behind humor...and because I do that, other people think its okay for them to make fun of me for it because I'm making fun of myself for it. I hate how I make it okay for them to make fun of me for it. I hate how I know I started it. I hate how I know it's my fault, but I still want to blame someone else for it. Oh and on another note, I'd just like to say that every time I so much as breathe a word about my problems, they tell me to shut up because I have a perfect life and have nothing to worry about, whereas they have real problems. Then they go back to crying about how the guy they like doesn't like them back. Okay, well I'll stop talking now because I'm sure that I must be boring you guys with my stupid, petty problems and worries about my future. I'll let you guys get back to your actual, serious problems, like how the boy you have a crush on was like so totally flirting with like that slut-faced hoebag from like your English class like yeah.
