Newbie (Do not ask what happened to imeverywhere1)

A example; someone just bought a run down house halfway between theirs and ours, so like half a block away. The guy working in it was deemed 'weird' by my parents.

I met him today while walking Tyr. Had a nice conversation. He works a variety of odd jobs and was very happy he saved up enough cash finally to outright buy a little piece of property. He's fixing it up. He has schizophrenia and is thrilled to move out to the country because it's easier for him than being in the city around lots of people who find him off putting. He's actually a super chill guy. He gave me some pepper spray because he saw me jog past the last few days and says everyone who jogs alone should have some.

This means, when I was up there today after looking after their cats, I got a baffled call from my father.

"honey". He said. "Why are you picking up sticks in the yard. Like go ahead but why."

Mom, in the background, as if this should explain everything; I told you sweetie it's the birch trees.

Dad; ......okay???

Mom; she probably wants them for dye.

Me; birch bark and twigs, dad. For dye.

Dad, sounding no less confused; my god you really just are your mother but younger

Yes I’m

Yes hmmms ow

Eh

Anyway.

It has been very pleasant out. We had the windows cracked and left them cracked when we went to work. This has never been an issue before.

My darling spouse was working on a job in a small town about a mile from our place. He was getting some stuff from the work van when he sees a large white dog prancing along.

"Huh." He thinks. "That looks an awful lot like.....TYR WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE."

Tyr, delighted that she has Found Father, bounds up happily and gets in the work van to give face kisses.

"GIRL NO WHAT." Kev says, scrambling to go let the client know that he has to take the fucking criminal back home real quick.

Turns out she discovered that a window can be shoved open with a determined snoot, and a window screen is not as strong as 80 pounds of muscular dog. And went for an adventure.

I got a call at this point while I was doing payroll.

"BABE WE NEED TO BABY GATE ALL THE FUCKING WINDOWS." My spouse says.

"....okay??" I say, and then get the story. I swore a bunch.

Р isnt P

Which is ultimately benign, until I am placed in the role of a caregiver or general authority over a person or animal

Because I can't just catch someone in the midst of pulling off a ridiculous, clever, determined and absurd little scheme and just act like I'm not impressed

It wouldn't be honest or fair

And so, it appears that if anything with free will is placed in my care long enough, they invariably learn that if they can get me to laugh without hurting anybody or risking their health then they can pretty much get away with almost anything