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sandandglass

awwww-cute

fukkkres-deactivated20140519

u lucky he holdin me back bitch on antartica i woulda slept u

ectoviolet

i have literally no understanding of why computers work. how the fuck are a bunch of ones and zeroes which represent basically an on/off switch, going 2 translate into Video Games. thats like if i just flickered the lights in my bedroom real fast in a specific order and then suddenly i was playing skyrim.

clientsfromhell

This is an actual email I just received from a client who we created promotional products for his vape cloud competition. You just can’t make these things up.

I shouldn’t complain because it’s VERY POSITIVE, but every single email was verbatim like this (copied and pasted):

Client: \I love it its perfect bro.U have my approval .I can’t wait to get product.lmk u got message an lets work.Thank u u the best bro been beautiful expireiecee u an jan

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clientsfromhell

Client: I need email blasts… Show me some examples by tomorrow and make sure you keep track of your hours.

I did what he asked. The next day:

Client: What the heck is this? I said email blasts… like this!

What he pulled up were long-form email newsletters.

Me: Oh, ok, that’s more like a newsletter. “Email blast” usually means shorter communications while newsletters are…

Client: (angrily cutting me off) No… NO! This is an email blast. I call it an email blast, so this is an email blast! Do an email blast!

depsidase

sidechica

bluebeetle

Freshmen Me: i dont get why older students hate us freshmen so much its so dumb ugh

Senior Me: who the fuck let all these fucking gremlins into this school

thebluthcompany

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lilcoldy

animals-riding-animals

tortoises riding tortoise

catchymemes

“My mom has 5 sets of china (don’t ask) and put them in her pool prior to being evacuated from fires in northern California. The dishware survived!”

ap-kinda-lit

Mom priorities

hyratel

@biomechanicalfishhorror @ocoree @gallusrostromegalus

gallusrostromegalus

1. To quote an old engineering proverb: “If it looks stupid, but it works, it’s not stupid.”

2. I love that the two lawn chairs are in there too.

besweetbyjapanesebreakfast

the most iconic story i have ever heard is warped 05 some kids stole the radios from tech ppl and said things like “i fucked your mom” into them and the tech ppl couldnt find the kids and finally tried to bargain w them and they demanded ransom in the form of pit tickets to fall out boy and the tech ppl went to fall out boy about it and pete was like “holy shit give the kids the tickets”

quomododragon

My students are up to something. They keep coming up to me and handing me pieces of fruit, and when I ask why, they just smile cryptically and say, “Don’t worry about it.”

quomododragon

Like, the apples I get. That’s a teacherly thing to give. But one of them just straight up handed me a grape.

quomododragon

I took a sick day today and sent an email to the first girl to hand me a piece of fruit, asking if I could have an explanation now.

Her response was to send me this meme:

That clarifies exactly nothing, thanks.

quomododragon

Walked into school today to an email from her saying: “There’s more to come, hope it doesn’t leave you *sour* (you’ll get that later).”

Ominous.

quomododragon

Just before my first class of the day, one of my students came floating in, a black cloak billowing behind her, hood pulled low over her eyes.

“An offering,” she said, handing me a plain white bag with a green ribbon.

Inside is this:

Life gave me a plastic lemon.

quomododragon

WE HAVE AN ANSWER!

Apparently this was the result of a number of my students playing Truth or Dare at a birthday party. I’m not sure which one of them came up with “I dare you to confuse Magistra by handing her a piece of fruit without explanation”, but I 100% approve of any thought process that ends with me getting free food.

sagittariusho

how are fake stories still making their way around tumblr

quomododragon

I don’t know. How are people STILL accusing me of making this up?

peachy-keen-cuddle-machine-deac

As a Latin student I can confirm this is 100000% accurate to Latin student shenanigans.

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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saddest-cat-hours

markwatney

call 911 she’s been shot

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