🌈

forever an "I'm sorry" girl, when didn't do anything wrong.

I would always look back on memories of being a young teen and having not a care in the world but one direction. I would miss the staying up late to watch interviews. I would miss making these fan edits and posting them to my fan account. I would miss the innocence of being a young girl in love with a boyband.

Of course as I grew up and became an adult, I have matured and in a sense “put those days behind me”. But I still had so much love and respect for One Direction and how much they meant to me growing up.

I guess I just always held onto this belief that One Direction wasn’t really over. Even when Zayn left. Even when they announced their hiatus. I knew that that boys loved their fans and they all needed time to find themselves and heal from their own experiences, good and bad. I knew it must have not been easy for them to be catapulted into the spotlight at such a young age. I just always had this belief that maybe they wouldn’t entirely regroup / start over again as One Direction … but that they would at least have reunion to show that they are still strong and they are still proud of the band.

But with Liam’s passing, the possibility of One Direction truly never having a proper reunion is a punch to the gut knowing that we will never witness them together again. Also, selfishly, knowing I will never be able to see them in concert like so many other lucky fans were. It feels like a part of my inner teen also died. Knowing she will never be able to experience the joys and love that came from one direction makes me so sad for her. Adult me, knowing I will never be able to re-experience One Direction is also grieving it. 

When did we all grow up?

From now on, every music video, every throwback photo, or even any future reunion will always look this sense of sadness. Knowing that we are missing one of our boys.

Als ze gaan, nemen ze een stuk van mij met hen mee