#just thoughts

I didn't think I'd come anywhere near turning 18. Sorry to be angsty, but I don't even mean to sound like a teenage dirtbag when I say I truly didn't think it'd happen. I used to have gravel in my voice whenever I'd speak about myself or to others. The abuse I've endured until getting some sort of bittersweet happiness I was "owed" later in my teenage years never weighed out any bit of the sickening and horrid things I've been through. Call it selfish. Call it whatever. But I thought I'd be over with it all well before 16. And it's sort of sick to combine the whole teenage girl experience into this disgusting plethora of doing things well beyond your years, hating the world and those in it so bitterly. Being bitter isn't teen, it isn't angsty, nor cute, it shouldn't be a collective experience to have a toxic and manipulative boyfriend, or friends that would leave you stranded and intoxicated off your ass in a town you don't know the name of. It's so sick to normalize all of this into a ditzy kind of girl-world thing. There's so much more I could list and speak about for hours. There's so much wickedness I've endured well behind the near two decades I've lived. I've smoked more cigarettes on an empty stomach with some coffee than a stereotypical Parisian. Yet for some reason, it doesn't hurt to be here as much as I thought it would. It isn't threatening nor painful to know I am about to be 18. I will be 18. I've learned, yes, and I continue to be swell. I am grateful to be here, I am delighted with who I've become, I accept the ugliness of my past. This is the only time I plan to reflect on it. 9 whole minutes until I am 18. Call birthdays "no big deal". It's a restart.

⤷ ゛ghxst's consistent dazai headcanons! ˎˊ˗

♡ a mix of mine and universal headcanons i use often in all of my writings ♡

♡ wears glasses - his right lens is prescription while the other is display ♡ has a scar down his right eyebrow ♡ a good singer ♡ favorite chore is laundry ♡ likes iced matcha lattes ♡ plays with his bottom lip when he's deep in thought ♡ mumbles to himself when trying to compile a plan - usually when he feels backed into a corner or on the brink of going crazy ♡ domestic dominance - definitely a "i'll take care of it" kind of guy ♡ loserzai - additionally, he cannot actually flirt with someone if he has genuine feelings for them ♡ yosano had to teach him how to better take care of his appearance when he got to the agency ♡ is fluent in flower language - kouyou taught him while in the mafia when he was bored ♡ an attention whore - will die if no one gives him attention/affection ♡ his iq drops when around someone he really likes ♡ bisexual with female preference - never been with a man because he thinks it is easier for him to get women, but did kiss a guy at a bar once ♡ likes when women are mean to him ♡ has one ear piercing in his left lobe ♡ is freaked out by sugar cubes - don't ask questions, i thought it'd be funny ♡ writes poetry to help sort through his emotions ♡ eats like a racoon in the city on trash night ♡ got a vasectomy ♡ has to stop to pet every single cat that crosses his path and says "hi there, little baby, look how cute you are~" - it does not matter if he is in the middle of a case ♡ is human

other headcanon posts: ♡ smut headcanons ♡ jewelry headcanons ♡ wardrobe headcanons ♡ eating habits headcanons

- ghxst

-Yes, it's fucked up that he's being prioritized and given all this shit

-Yes, it's fucked that the team is screwing George over on his behalf

-Yes, it's fucked that Toto is trash talking GR and giving literal fake news praise about Kimi to the press

-Yes, it's fucked up that Toto is sucking his dick so hard, and it's fucking obnoxious to see that happen in races and glazing him in press conferences and every other fucking place

But!

No matter how much Kimi might've wanted that, he didn't make it happen. He could've begged and whined and done whatever the fuck all day long and it wouldn't matter. He's barely been an adult for five minutes, he only has the power Toto gives him. Which is exactly the problem.

And sure, Kimi is whiny and annoying sometimes. Yes, he says dumb shit sometimes. Obviously. He's immature and has people stoking his ego all day. That was gonna happen. I actually think he could be way worse, considering that he's being treated like a literal prince.

But he couldn't treat himself like a prince. That's on the people around him, primarily Toto.

And the fucked up thing is that at this rate Toto is going to end up making people hate Kimi more than they already do, and there's a good chance he's setting him up for failure too, because let's face it, if Toto wasn't sandbagging GR63, or if Red Bull or McLaren actually had a competitive car this year, Kimi would not be leading the WDC. So what happens when that changes? Is he gonna be ready to deal with it? Who knows, but Toto certainly hasn't set him up for success in that regard. He's making the kid think he's a god, and no matter how good he is, he's not one.

And favor changes like the wind. He can't be Toto's golden boy forever - he's not the first and won't be the last. There will always be someone new and younger coming up. How will he handle that? No idea.