Dead but trying to live it up

Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.

Hi! This is my art store, where I sell my main doodle (meme alien) FAILien as clothing, decor, and accessories. Help a broke artist out and click the link for me! You don’t have to buy anything; just trying to get the word out there.

Paris allows anyone to plant an urban garden

Overshoots and Mini Anticipations lecture from my Complete Introduction to 2D animation package.

It’s not actually clear if Oak Trees HAVE species.

To elaborate:

One oak tree looks/grows/and even tastes very much like another, to the point where some botanists and arborists are going “Can you really call this a different species when the changes are so miniscule that they could be chalked up to differneces between individuals?

Yes, Taste.  sometimes the only way to tell one oak tree from another is that the bark is slightly more bitter than a different kind fo oak.

FURTHERMORE, when you DO find two very different-looking Oaks from different parts of the world whose last common ancestor was back in the goddamn Pliestocene, you can plant them next to eachother and they will gleefully comingle their DNA into a perfectly viable new tree.

Which will somehow manage to look exactly like another, unrelated tree.

So the theory espoused by Dan The Arborist, on that cold march morning after he’d spent 5 minutes loudly and somewhat profanely rambling in front of the most Charlie-Brown-Christmas-Tree-Looking Motherfucker of an Oak Bastard Child as mentioned above, goes as such:

Dan thinks that Quercus is a genus comprised of a single, highly variable species of tree that’s managed to take over most of the temperate parts of the world by being a little whore, unquote.

Those variants are the botanical equivalent of breeds, and a scrawny little Scrub Oak and a majrestic Burr Oak are the same species in the same way that a Chihuahua and a Newfoundland are both Dogs.

Okay. I’m Canadian so I know a shit ton about staying warm if you’re new to the cold there here are some tips!(add more if you know more!)

1. Wear grippy shoes, nothing is worse than snowmelt freezing on your skin.

2.Do not wear jeans as your outter layer. wet denim is the most body heat siphoning mother fucker known to man or god

3. Have a warm drink with you. It will help. Even just some hot soup broth or boiled water will help keep you warm.

4. Wear a moisture wicking layer close to your skin so you don’t get cold from your own sweat. You will sweat. That is fine and expected.

5. If you start feeling too warm even though you were cold and like you have to take your clothes of DO NOT. Call 911. You are suffering from hypothermia.

6. Bring a blanket and a heat source that needs no electricity with you in your vehicle. You do not want to be stranded with no heat in the case that something happens.

7. If you are struggling on ice as you’re walking, stop. Get your balance and penguin shuffle to a less slippery patch of ground. There’s usually less ice on one side of the walk and it’s better to walk in the snow next to the sidewalk than it is to eat dirt when ya slip

8. STAY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK AWAY FROM FROZEN BODIES OF WATER. Ponds are deceptive as shit even with the “solid blue tried and true” thing. Go around.

9. Keep kids warm. They run at a higher body temperature and will feel the effects of the cold worse than you.

10. Huddling is your best friend. Even if you don’t know the person, remember you’re both cold, especially if they don’t have the right clothing for the weather.

11. Pay attention to windchill. That is how cold it feels. Dress appropriately please. I know it’s tempting to dress for style, but there’s nothing stylish about losing your toes to frostbite

12. Don’t touch metal if you can avoid it. It will sap your heat and likely freeze to anything wet. Like tongues. Don’t fucking lick a pole.

13. If someone licks something metal, pour warm water over their tongue to get them free. If they yank, they will bleed. A lot.

14. Keep your ears, noes, fingers, and toes warm. You’re extremities will get cold first and are the most likely parts of your body to get frostbite.

15. If you see someone who may not have a place to be in the cold, offer to help them find a local shelter or library. The elements, especially the cold, are some of the largest threats to those who cannot avoid them.

You can also, if you’re so inclined, make a little winter shelter for cats and small animals fairly easily and cheaply.

body language masterlist

a translator that doesn’t eat ass like google translate does

a reverse dictionary for when ur brain freezes

550 words to say instead of fuckin said

638 character traits for when ur brain freezes again

(Real pen the last picture)

It is important for EVERYONE to know how to help ANYONE. Not everyone can give them selves their medicine under every circumstance. Be educated, help out.

 @owenabbott​ 

Apply to a  job, wait (1) day, then call.  Give them your first and last name. Tell them you submitted an application and that you’re very motivated to find [Enter field name] work. Let the conversation lead you wherever it takes. Be very polite. Say” thank you for your time, I’ll be looking forward to hearing back from you.” Rinse, repeat. This is to force them to be looking out for your application. 

 When you get to the interview, shake their hand firmly,  tell them your first and last name.  

Describe your experiences  as “ two years transcription and data entry” if you have a desk job interview and “ [however many years]  costumer service, retail and stock” for your retail jobs.  

Don’t use job “ buzz words” I stg they hear them all day. Say  things like, “ I’m detail oriented and am very good at taking instruction.”  “ I would like to work for a company with integrity and I feel that [ company name] would be a good fit”

When they ask you if you have “reliable transportation” say  YES. don’t tell them what kind of transportation, just say yes. (if you don’t do this, you wont get the job , I’m telling you right now). 

Research the company. Know what they do, why they do it, how OLD the company is. WHERE it was founded, and what kind of position you’re intending to apply for.

When they ask you “ give us a situation where you had to blah blah blah” Make one the fuck up. Make yourself sound good as hell, and like you put your company’s needs slightly above the customer’s needs, but make the customer happy. 

If they ask you about being outgoing, Say you “like to focus on your work so you can concentrate on doing things right” (which buys you out of having to act friendly all the time)

Questions for after the interview:

1.  Does this position offer upward mobility?

2. Do you enjoy working for the company? (if you’re not interviewing for a temp agency who will send you anywhere)

 Then, shake their hand,  Ask them to repeat their name (REMEMBER THIS) say thank you for your time, wish them a nice day and leave. write their name down outside if you have to, just remember the fuck out of it. 

AFTER your interview, send a card directed to the name of the person who interviewed you (I’ll give you them) that says “Thank you for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity. have a great day” This shows  that you have an understanding of professionalism, and will have them thinking of you kindly (or at least remembering you) when they’re shuffling through the choices. 

DO NOT tell them you just moved to the city over the phone.  In person, tell them you just moved to the city. Make it sound like the only reason you need a job is because you moved. Not because you’re desperate. 

__________

 The titles of each section are key words you can use to search for jobs on Snagajob.com  and Simplyhired.

Data Entry:

http://citystaffing.com/job/data-entry-specialistsmailroom-clerk/?utm_source=Indeed&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=Indeed

https://www.roberthalf.com/officeteam/job-search/chicago-il/data-entry-clerks-needed/43517752?codes=IND

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/data-entry-specialists-job/chicago-transit-authority/jepfivkhjk?cid=udsowkxtausyzitcfeecaeuzoxkltmbl

https://jobs-theprivatebank.icims.com/jobs/3435/temporary—data-entry/job?mode=job&iis=SimplyHired&iisn=SimplyHired&utm_source=simplyhired&utm_medium=jobclick&mobile=false&width=792&height=500&bga=true&needsRedirect=false&jan1offset=-360&jun1offset=-300

 Front Desk:

http://localjobs.joblur.com/jobapplication2/?jobid=99957&subaffid=300006&JobType=Food%20/%20Bev%20/%20Hosp&ix=1&c1=99957

https://jobs.ajg.com/job/-/-/109/1256110?apstr=%26src%3DJB-10280

https://pepper.hiretouch.com/job-search/job-details?jobID=32066&job=receptionist

http://accesscommunityhealth.hodesiq.com/jobs/default.aspx?JobID=5203566 (this one is close to the place you rented.)

http://ihg.taleo.net/careersection/all/jobdetail.ftl?job=R113601&lang=en&media_id=24863&src=Indeed&src=JB-10920

https://covalentcareers.com/employer/listing/86450f8517588197c9b04f5068ed4300/detail/?apply=1&ref=indeed&v=30&utm_source=indeed&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=indeed_optical

http://www.careerbuilder.com/jobseeker/jobs/jobdetails.aspx?APath=2.21.0.0.0&job_did=JHN0KY6823WBWZX21VM&showNewJDP=yes&IPath=JRKV0F

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/front-desk-receptionist-customer-service-sales-job/rosin-optical-co-inc/qaeoquzgdi?cid=ivdnhijkmxchdanahwfoupazcwisfnxt

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/receptionist-front-desk-job/all-us-jobs/fonj7wmldf?cid=trhyvmfcsgjltxkjxkemyinsjveewfjp

Other jobs you don’t need a degree for that aren’t retail:

Dental hygenist ( yeah, seriously, who knew!) They also make about 40,000 a year)

Stenographer-Court Reporter

Surveyer ( you need a certificate for this, but its something you can get while working a temporary job and doing this on the side. Also, they make like $55,000 a year sooooooo) https://sjobs.brassring.com/TGWEbHost/jobdetails.aspx?jobId=1406428&PartnerId=16023&SiteId=5118&codes=IND

Real Estate Broker

Purchasing agents, except wholesale, retail, and farm products ( basically you arrange to buy large things) they make like 60K

Claims adjuster 

Loan Officer

Subway driver (trains) they make like 60K,

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of decoden and polymer clay questions about what to use to as a gloss/glaze. Almost every time the first response is “Clear nail polish, duh!”.