Illusions Confusions

current level of insomnia: tried to make a salad and just fuckin. poured salad all over my kitchen floor

for whatever reason i thought the most efficient way to open a bag of salad was to hold it out in front of me in one hand and then stab it with a fork and tear like an animal eviscerating prey and then i just stood there and watched an endless salad avalanche pour onto the floor for like 30 seconds before i understood what was happening and why 

before you say anything, think to yourself “is this something that would have gotten me diagnosed with hysteria and institutionalized in the 19th century?” and if the answer is yes, proceed

Reblog to support jar-opening lesbians

And may this gift follow you into the new year

being an adult is just running around getting one thing done so you can get another thing done so you can get another thing done so you can get another thing done so you can get another thing done and also eating whatever you want but feeling really guilty about it

I see that this photo has been cropped to hide the fact that it’s screenshot of a tweet