so stare up at the clouds

I'm going through some health issues so naturally a past abuser has felt the need to try to push their way back into my life after five years of finally going no contact. I have held onto my boundaries and it has been one of the best decisions of my life, especially in these tougher times.

I received an anonymous package from Little Words Project with a beautiful, inspirational bracelet with the sender only listed as "from: me". My abuser unfortunately does know my address and my first instinct was that this could be from them due to the anonymity. I started to get stressed by this and I asked everyone I could think of who both knew the health news and my address and no one was able to confirm who sent the bracelet.

I went out on a limb and reached out to the company. I knew they didn't owe me any information and it was during their off hours so I didn't expect anything until Monday at the earliest, but I did explain that I was looking to confirm whether or not a past abuser sent me this gift. They responded within the hour apologizing profusely and asking for any information that I had and to send pictures whenever I can. I did (and assured them that I love their company, don't blame them, and I appreciate all of their efforts) and they were able to give me enough information to confirm that the package was, in fact, from my abuser.

I thanked them for finally giving me my answer and assured them that they have a lifelong customer with me for how caring they are for their customers. I'm handling things on the other end, but in the mean time I wanted to spread the word about how amazing this company is. They offer custom items at such a variety of prices and I really wish the piece that I received was sent from anyone else so I could wear it, it's so cute. They collab often (including The Trevor Project ❤️🏳️‍🌈) and have an amazing mission.

Screaming, crying, praising, ascending

Do I start preparing to die? What can I afford to look forward to? The current plan is to get ten doses of radiation and that can get me back to normal. But for how long? Who knows!

I'm so restless. I took off some days from work so I can process all of this. But I don't know what to do next. I find fulfillment at my job but am I just using my work as a distraction? Should I start traveling? How do I stay alive for my pets and friends?

Hey guys,

I'm here to tell you that I officially beat cancer. I had a super strong, fast moving form of breast cancer (+++ for anyone familiar) and even after getting diagnosed at stage 3, I've won.

My nurses and doctors and everyone involved were so incredible. New York State letting me take disability time off (and continue to get paid) made it so I could take all of the time I needed in recovery. Which really came in clutch because I've been in and out of work for the last 24 months and I was able to take off for 9 of them while I dealt with the side effects from chemo.

I had so many friends drop off food and drinks for me. So many people showed their care and love for me. And that is what I think carried me across the finish line. We hit my aggressive ass cancer with an aggressive ass treatment and it wouldn't have been feasible without my youth, my inconsolable stubbornness, and every single person who gave me their love and support.

I was even able to go on a 3 mile hike so I could witness a friend's engagement in the middle of all of this. I wouldn't have missed that for the world, but I wasn't sure if my body would allow it. Thankfully it did. And my friends and I had such a great weekend celebrating ourselves, our group, and the newest engagement! (She said yes)

I am just.. so insatiably thankful. To all of my friends, to the oncology nurses and doctors, to the surgeons and staff, to the physical therapist, and to every single consulting physician who viewed my case and thought that I was strong enough to take all of it and be able to push through. They were right. Everyone was right to believe in me. I made it.