â ILANA SOUNDS STRONG. that sort of take-no-bullshit personality, perhaps thereâd be something to be admired there â if, you know, she dressed a little better. but octavia notices the way her hands shake slightly, the way sheâs jumped, leaving a splattering mess of paint on the floor. NO â ilana martin-king is not perfect after all, and octavia notices. when she was alive, she used to point out imperfections ( a side effect of rigorous dance lessons â when all your own flaws are constantly pointed out, you start to notice the ones in others too, to make yourself feel better ) and in death, she notices even more. a privilege or a result of profound boredom ?
â fine, iâm not here, â octavia shrugs her shoulders, sitting perched at the end of the desk. â think what you want. at the end of the day, it doesnât really matter to me what you believe in. â hell, sheâd give anything to not be here.
â but wouldnât it bother you if some rich asshole got away with it ? that they got to graduate into the arms of a multi-trillion dollar corporation, stacking up dead bodies behind them? sure, hateme or whatever⌠but the next girl ? she might be just like you. â
octavia doesnât give a fuck about the next girl.
â FOR A MOMENT, SHE CLOSES HER EYES. in her perfect world, she wouldnât be having painting blocks and wondering when the next thing was going to go wrong and she most definitely wouldnât be talking to ghosts. she opens her eyes and octavia is still there. for fuckâs sake. âyouâre a manifestation of my imagination,â ilana says, determinedly ignoring the other girlâs insistence that it didnât really matter. âiâm literally so tired my mind is too tired to fight this off.â
with a sudden wave of frustration, ilana slams her paintbrush and palette into the sink, turning on the sink with ferocity. she can hear octavia still talking, but she refuses to look at her, and instead rips off some paper towels to stoop back down to clean the mess on the floor. eventually, she says, still not looking up, ânot my concern. and if it was -- look, i donât why youâre here. what you expect me to do. this isnât any of my business.â
sheâs a clever girl, octavia is, ilana will give her that. playing on her anger.















